The Wire

Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol review

2012-01-03T19:40:00.012Z

Light the fuse

After a thrilling yet conservative and more realistic Mission: Impossible III, this outing has returned to the outlandish stunts that made the franchise memorable in the first place.

Tom Cruise returns as IMF agent Ethan Hunt, looking not a day older than he did way back in De Palma's Mission:Impossible (1996). He probably has a needle and a load of Botulinum toxin to thank for that.

After an incursion into the Kremlin goes explosively wrong, Ethan Hunt and his fellow agents are disavowed, the IMF shut down. So it's up to his team to stop terrorist Hendricks (a smarmy Michael Nyqvist) from unleashing a nuclear holocaust on America's east coast.

There are some newcomers to the IMF now. Tech expert Benji, played by Simon Pegg, has been promoted to Ethan Hunt's side kick more or less, since 'passing the field exam'. Pegg steals almost every scene he's in and provides many a comic touch and shares great chemistry with the leading man.

The film starts with a brisk action scene at a Russian prison, wherein Ethan starts a mass jail riot in order to break out one of the prisoners. And from here on in the action doesn't let up.

It's more or less straight to the Kremlin as Ethan and Benji infiltrate the historic building in disguise (no masks this time). A scene where Benji and Ethan attempt to sneak past a guard at the end of a corridor is perhaps the funniest and most tense in the film, though perhaps not as tense as Ethan climbing the Burj Khalifa in Dubai- more on that later.

Director Brad Bird, usually involved with animated features such as The Simpsons and the excellent Ratatouille, makes his first foray into live action with M:I4 and does extremely well. He has completely re-vitalised the franchise and proved his live-action credentials if any doubts were had over his talent to direct people instead of CGI characters. Hurt Locker star Jeremy Renner is along for the ride too, featuring in an action-role almost as a pre-requisite to starring in the upcoming Bourne Legacy.

The stand-out sequence, as Hunt scales the tallest building in the world, is vertigo-inducing. As Hunt stands at the window high up in the building, preparing himself to scale the mammoth structure, the camera pans slowly from behind his back, up and over his shoulder, out the window and stares down at the 2700 ft drop. It's a truly terrifying shot and all the more so if you're watching it on a massive cinema screen. What's even more terrifying is the fact that the crazed Scientologist actually did his own stunts and is seen scrambling up the face of the structure itself. No long shots and obvious stuntmen for this part- the award for balls of steel goes to...

Now for the downsides. Yes it must be increasingly hard these days to think of reasons why someone would want to destroy part of the world, so Hendricks' motive is simple: he's a crazed terrorist. Apart from some early exposition on him near the beginning of the film we find out little else about him.

The final act also hits a bit of a sag in terms of pacing as Jane Carter (Paula Patton) attempts to seduce a rich Indian guy to get information, and a stunt involving a car falling 100ft in a vertical dive with Ethan behind the wheel, before smashing into the ground is probably stretching believability to breaking point.

That aside, this is pure popcorn entertainment, as undemanding a film you'll see all year. Explosions, car chases, crazy stunts and humour-all present. Mission:Impossible has gone back to its roots and has reminded us why this is the franchise to watch. This review will self-destruct in five seconds.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆9/10

2011: A year of civil unrest, to put it mildly

2011-12-28T10:30:00.003Z

Osama Bin Laden, Muammar Gaddafi, Lord Voldemort: all dead as Dillinger. Indeed, assassins are clearly walking the earth in what has been a year of uprising and rebellion.
Those nations who have been quivering in the shadow of a dictator for so long are suddenly free of those who have oppressed them, thanks to US Navy SEALs, itchy-triggered NTC fighters and the boy wizard respectively.
Estonia's decision to adopt the Euro in January may have their government holding their collective heads in their hands right about now, as the EU's agreement to bailout Greek debt towards the end of the year is something they couldn't have seen coming, but far worse was to come.

Mid January saw the first of 2011's many protests, starting with the fall of the Tunisian government. Their cowardly President, Zine El Abidine Ben Alim decided to look after number one and flee the country after 23 years in power.
The rest of the month didn't bring tides of joy in Brazil or Russia either, as mudslides in Rio and a bombing at Domodedovo Airport in Moscow killed 940 people in total.

Obituary: Tragically, on January 30 legendary James Bond theme composer John Barry (above) died of a heart attack aged 77. He composed the soundtracks for 12 Bond films and was the winner of five Academy Awards for his work on Out of Africa and Born Free. He had also notched up numerous BAFTA and Grammy Awards.

Following on from unrest in Tunisia, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak faced widespread protests for him to step down a month later. His security force and the public clashed, resulting in nearly 1,000 deaths. This copy-cat run of civil rebellion and violence on the streets was to continue throughout the year and in many different countries across the world. Including, I might add, in some countries who weren't expecting it.

As spring reared its ugly head a devastating 9.1 magnitude earthquake struck Japan's east coast, killing more than 15,000 people and causing havoc to the country's nuclear power facilities. The destruction that the earthquake and tsunamis did to the country would dominate the headlines for weeks, and would only be pushed off the news as Libya's troubles intensified. Indeed within days a no fly zone was voted into creation by the UN, in response to allegations of government brutality against civilians in Libya.

Obituary: American rapper Nathaniel Hale a.k.a Nate Dogg died on March 15 from complications resulting from multiple strokes. His collaborations with Snoop Dogg, Warren G, Dr Dre and Eminem made him one of the biggest names in the industry. He was best known for his distinctly smooth voice, making any song he featured in an instant classic.

But amidst all the unrest and sabre rattling in Africa and the middle-east, there was an event that drew people together and allowed a nation to share in a couple's happiness. On April 29 Prince William and Kate Middleton got married at Westminster Abbey in London, watched by an estimated two billion people- almost a third of the world's population. Never mind the cost to the taxpayer in England, it was a 'glorious occasion', even if they couldn't get the kiss right on the first attempt.

And only a few days later there was even more reason to celebrate as President Barack Obama announced that Osama Bin Laden had been tracked down and killed in a military operation in Pakistan.
Conducted by a crack team of US Navy SEALs, the founder of Al-Qaeda was found hiding alive and well in a compound less than 100 kilometres from the capital. That is, until a Navy SEAL put a bullet between his eyes.
Naturally, speculation was rife that Pakistan knew where he was the whole time, despite the many theories that Bin Laden had been hiding in the mountains/caves of Afghanistan. But I suppose the old mantra is true; the best hiding place is right in plain sight.

I could talk about a €78 billion rescue deal for Portugal by the EU, but it's boring, so i won't.

Obituary: Any death is sad but this has to be the stupidest of the year. Ryan Dunn, part of the daredevil crew Jackass died at the age of 34 in an alcohol-fuelled car crash in Pennsylvania. Hours before the incident Dunn has posted a photo of himself on Twitter drinking in a bar with friends. He then drove his Porsche off the road and hit a tree at 140mph. His blood alcohol level was double the state's limit. Cause and effect.

Mid-way through the year. In a harrowing display of cold-blooded murder, Anders Behring Breivik, a right-wing extremist dressed in an authentic-looking police uniform, gained access to the island of Utøya, Norway and opened fire on a summer camp full of children, some as young as 14. This was following a carbomb attack in Oslo, which Breivik also admitted being linked to. He asserts his actions were "atrocious but necessary".

July 10 saw a newspaper that has been around for 168 years publish it's final issue. Yes, the News of the World closed down after senior figures of the newspaper were held for questioning over corruption and phone-hacking allegations.
The Leveson Inquiry is currently taking a detailed look at the practices and 'ethics' of the British press.

People seem taken aback that phone hacking was a 'bog-standard tool' for gathering information. Those of us who have studied journalism in detail (i.e me) know that journalists are called 'hacks' for a reason. Least-shocking fact of the century.

Obituary: One of the least surprising deaths of the year, singer Amy Winehouse was found dead in her flat in North London on July 23. The verdict of her death was misadventure. Two bottles of vodka were found by her bedside and she was over five times the legal drink-drive limit. She was 27.

On August 6 London was blind-sided by the worst riots it had ever seen. It all began during a peaceful march in relation to the police response to the fatal shooting of Mark Duggan two days previously. During the march a riot began in Tottenham, which soon spread to several other London boroughs. Looting and arson (see above, the defining image of the riots) were the main culprits to the widespread mayhem; a furniture shop in Croydon that had been standing since before WWII was burnt to the ground along with countless other buildings.
Cars were overturned, shop windows were smashed and rioters soon turned on police, outnumbering them by far. Over 3,000 people were arrested after the riots had calmed down in the following days, with 1,000 people being charged.

At the end of the year the people who had been involved with the bulk of the criminal activity during the riots were questioned for a survey carried out by The Guardian in conjunction with the London School of Economics. They were asked why they did it, and replied, "The Police are the biggest gang. And for those couple of nights, we outnumbered them, we owned the city. It was a sort of revenge". The UK certainly weren't expecting such activity on that large a scale. And what was proved was that the country wasn't able to deal with it either. Rubber bullets next time?

In late August things at Libya had escalated. Libyan rebels took full control of the nation's capital, effectively overthrowing the government of Gaddafi. Little did he know it, but he was living on borrowed time.

September was relatively a quiet month, with all things considered. Apart from a petrol pipeline explosion in Kenya and a ship sinking off Zanzibar, the real drama was going to come to a bloody head (quite literally) in the dying days of the next month.

Obituary: Apple co-founder and CEO Steve Jobs died on October 5, from respiratory arrest. He had been suffering from pancreatic cancer for 8 years prior to his death, causing him to step down as CEO in August during medical leave. He was often described as a 'visionary, pioneer and genius'. He was 56.

On October 20 former Libyan leader Gaddafi was captured and killed in the city of Sirte. The cowardly dictator had been in a convoy of vehicles that had been targeted by a US Predator Missile and a French airsrike, the latter of which killed dozens of loyalist fighters.
Gaddafi survived but was later captured by rebel militia who claimed he had taken refuge with his bodyguards in a drain underneath a road. He was soon found by NTC fighters and shot, not before being sodomized by what appeared to be a knife or bayonet.
Sadly I doubt this garnered any sympathy to the deposed dictator. He was shot in the head and chest and took half an hour to die, and was buried in an undisclosed location in the desert. More than he deserved, if you ask me.

I wish i could report on less gloomier events for the remainder of 2011 but it seems that apart from the world's seven billionth person being born, mother nature was hell-bent on balancing the earth's population by killing a few more people.
A 7.2 magnitude earthquake in Turkey killed nearly 600 people and MotoGP racer Marco Simoncelli died in a tragic accident whilst racing in the Malaysian GP, after colliding with another racer. He was only 24.

At long last on 16 November horny Prime Minister Silvio 'Bunga-Bunga' Berlusconi resigned from his post after increasing financial pressure related to the European debt crisis and losing his majority in parliament.
Long overdue really, since his whole tenure was undermined by sex scandals and so called 'Bunga-Bunga' parties, innocently dismissed by Silvio as 'just dancing'.

And just as 2011 inched its way towards the finish line, it still managed to throw up more political unrest just when we thought the London riots and Arab Spring had provided enough excitement.

On December 6 thousands of people in Moscow marched on the Kremlin (above) calling for an end to Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin's rule, after numerous violations were cited in the parliamentary election process. Polls were apparently slanted in favour of the pro-Kremlin group United Russia.

The Organisation for Security and Co-operation in Europe (OSCE) said there had been "severe problems" with the counting and numerous opposition parties were banned from taking part. Over 250 people were arrested.

And in what has been seen as a ~~big Fuck You to Europe~~ defining moment for Britain and her role in Europe, Prime Minister David Cameron decided to block European Union treaty changes designed to save the Euro.
Nick Clegg, usually quite content to sit at his desk down the hall from the PM, using a telephone that isn't even plugged in, said that Cameron's move was "bad for Britain". Much like the coalition then...
In all probability Cameron's move will distance the UK from Europe, however, is that necessarily a bad thing?

Jumping across the pond, on December 15 the US announces a formal end to the Iraq war and the immediate withdrawal of all its troops. Those soldiers who fought so bravely over the past eight years will return to their red-neck origins and probably drink themselves stupid in vet bars across the US. Who said being a soldier was hard?

And just as the year comes to a close, as if to prove my opening paragraph as correct and seemingly prophetic, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il dies of a heart attack on December 19, whilst on board a train.
That's the fourth big bad to bite the bullet this year and i'm sure the world is a lot better without him. He had the audacity to amend the Korean constitution so it referred to him as 'supreme leader', and was believed by many North Koreans to have the ability to 'change the weather' according to his moods. You might want to take that last one with a pinch of salt.

What a year. It's hard to imagine 2012 throwing up riots à la Arab Spring, Syria, London, the death of two dictators, a terrorist AND the resignation of a sexual Italian pervert. If, as many suspect, that the world doesn't end in 2012 we are still in for a busy year:

We're to watch as the England football team fail to win Euro 2012.

The Olympics in London will be beset with a tidal wave of organisational cock-ups, most of which will stem from a whole host of tube strikes as those selfish bastards at RMT walk out on the day of the opening ceremony, or something to that effect.

Millions of taxpayers' money will be wasted on the Queen's Golden Jubilee, an event more than half the country could care less about.

Kate Middleton, or the Duchess of Cambridge as I should probably refer to her, will announce to the world she's pregnant. Progeny to suffer great misfortune and inherit jug-ears from grandfather Charles. No blood relation to Camilla relieves all.

No more typing from me. And please, no more riots for the foreseeable.
A Happy New Year to all of you from The Wire!

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo review

2011-12-27T20:38:00.013Z

Fincher is unflinching in this second adaptation of the best selling Larsson novel

The first question is, why remake the excellent Swedish version?

Suggestions that American audiences "can't deal" with subtitles, whilst hilarious, are unfounded. Only the illiterate should have such problems, no; this habit of remaking foreign films for European audiences was recently evident with Let The Right One In.

Even more bizarre is the fact the Niels Arden Oplev's The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo was a tour de force, with Noomi Rapace's performance as anti-social hacker Lisbeth Salander a revelation. What actress could possibly compete?

But when you get Fincher on board, things just seem to fall into place. Fresh off last year's The Social Network, Rooney Mara's feisty yet brief appearance in the Facebook film must have made an impression.

And when you throw in Daniel Craig as disgraced journalist Mikael Blomkvist, you have a film. From the off we're given a very Bond-esque title sequence, complete with a thumping cover of Led Zepplin's Immigrant Song by Trent Reznor and Karen O.

Blomkvist is hired by retired and ailing industrialist Henrik Vanger to investigate the disappearance of his great-niece Harriet, more than 40 years ago. He is positive she must have been murdered, since on the day of her disappearance a car accident on a bridge prevented anyone leaving the island of Hedeby, Sweden.

Blomkvist is played with vigor and vulnerability by a dishevelled Daniel Craig, dressed in what looks like the Marks and Spencer's menswear range. James Bond he is not. So when he finally meets Salander, over an hour into the film, he is taken aback by her anorexic physique, gothic appearance and immoral methods of gaining information.
(Blomkvist sees Lisbeth on his laptop) "What are you doing?"
"Looking at your notes"
"They were encrypted"
"Please," Lisbeth replies disparagingly.

Credit to Fincher, he doesn't hold back when it comes to the more sexual and graphic elements of the source text. The scene wherein Lisbeth is brutally raped by her Guardian is a lot more 'close to the lens' as it were, than the Swedish version. In addition, as the film poster threatened, we see Lisbeth completely naked on more than one occasion.

Mara's take on Salander is different to Rapace's too, and she totally holds her own. She is more childlike and self-aware than Rapace, whereas the latter was more socially awkward and brusque. Make no mistake however, Mara's career is only going to shoot up from here.

The film's running time, which comes close to three hours, is well-paced and gripping thanks to a good script from Steven Zaillian. He omits the expository ramblings of the Swedish version and with the aid of Fincher's direction, uses photos and imagery as a way of driving the story forward.

Downsides? The revelation as to who is responsible for Harriet's disappearance/murder doesn't really come as a big surprise. In fact, the script and direction seemed to make it startlingly obvious as to who it was responsible. And in a most un-Fincher-like manner the film ends on a rather downbeat moment.

But all in all The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is a fresh re-take of a much loved novel. It's shot in a entirely different manner to the original and strong performances from Craig and Mara cement this version as equal to Oplev's.
Oplev pondered "Why remake something when they could just see the original?"
Well, sometimes it's just a pleasure to see a much-admired book through someone else's eyes.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆9/10

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows review

2011-12-20T17:28:00.014Z

Everything a sequel should be, and Guy Ritchie's finest work

This film could easily have gone horribly wrong.

After taking confidence in the success of the first Sherlock Holmes film, Guy Ritchie returns to the director's chair with his sophomore Holmes effort.

Robert Downey Jr's interpretation of the character is what makes the Holmes films work, however this iteration could have fallen into parody if not for a script that crackles and sparkles with wit and intelligence.

And of course, there's the matter of Holmes's nemesis: Professor James Moriaty (Jared Harris). Surprisingly, despite rumours of big names such as Brad Pitt being touted for the role, they decided to go for the (relatively) unknown Harris, unless you've been watching Fringe.

He is equally as brilliant minded as Holmes, and proves to be an adept adversary. The plot is pretty forgettable, something about an arms dealer trying to cause war; it's the action set pieces and banter between Law and Jr that grabs the attention.

Dr Watson (Jude Law) is due to get married, much to Holmes's disgust. But Sherlock's idea of a stag night the day before the nuptials is definitely not what Watson had in mind. After a brief introduction to gypsy Sim (Noomi Rapace), we're provided with a breathtaking fight sequence as our dapper detective takes on a knife-wielding Cossack.

And from then onwards the story barely stops to catch its breath. Apart from a brief interlude at the wedding, wherein Watson turns up looking like he's been dragged through a hedge backwards and beaten up (the stag party got a little out of hand), the plot swiftly moves along to Paris.

RDJ is in the form of his life. It's hard to believe that just over ten years ago he was getting arrested for drunk driving and possession of drugs. From A Scanner Darkly to Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, from Iron Man to Sherlock Holmes- he just gets better and better.

There are plenty of laughs too, mainly coming from Holmes' ridiculous disguises. Even Watson takes exception to a over-the-top bushy beard wig as they ride through Trafalgar Square, intending to go undetected.
"Don't you think that's a bit conspicuous?" ask Watson.
"No! It's so overt it's covert" quips Holmes.

Stephen Fry even features; as Holmes' brother Mycroft. His scenes are typically peppered with humour and is a welcome presence rather than a detracting one. That is, until he is completely naked (don't ask).

It's a shame then, that Noomi Rapace's character Sim has little to do. Rapace-having garnered international acclaim after her incredible performance as Lisbeth Salander in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo- more or less just hangs around. She does well with what little material she is given but it is hardly surprising her role was underdeveloped- it's all about Holmes and Watson, sticking to the formula.

And it's a testament to Guy Ritchie's skill as a director that Holmes and Watson's bantering dissolves audiences into fits of giggles, comic timing note perfect from both leads. His penchant for stylized action and visual flair give the action sequences-particularly the forest chase- even more zest.

The only downside to A Game of Shadows is the fact that it had to end. It also just shows how drab the first film was in comparison. This is high-calibre entertainment at its best and my film of the year (2011) so far, until Fincher's Dragon Tattoo arrives no doubt.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆10/10

Minecraft review

2011-12-17T15:07:00.020Z

There are no limitations

If you don't manage to build a shelter by the time nightfall comes round, you're more likely than not to be bludgeoned to death by the hoard of monsters that patrol the world under the stars. Get digging!

While it has only just been released, Minecraft has actually been available to play for around two years, when Swedish creator Markus Persson released the alpha then beta versions for free.

The full PC version, available for only €20 (£16), is a small price to pay for the limitless possibilities Minecraft offers when it comes to building.

The premise is this. Minecraft's world is constructed with 'blocks', made out of a whole host of different materials. Sand, cobblestone, dirt...even glass, if you can make it. But i'm getting ahead of myself. When you first start, you priority is to find some wood and get crafting.

Crafting is the key mechanic in the game, if you choose Survival mode that is. Creative mode gives you unlimited resources, the ability to fly and no concept of health and hunger. That's no fun. Most players opt for Survival mode, where you have to craft your materials from basic natural resources such as wood, stone, iron ore etc.

The only downside to this game is the lack of tutorial at the outset. On your first time playing you'll be baffled where to begin. You'll have to consult our friend Google if you're to have any idea what to do. First off, you have to find some wood.

Thankfully trees are plentiful. So just march up to the trunk and pound at the block of bark until it disintegrates into a little block you can pick up. After you've done that a few times its time to craft it. Into what? Wooden planks, sticks, a pickaxe? It depends what you want to do. Either way, you have to get that shelter made before night falls. And that can be a simple cave in the side of a mountain, a whole in the ground, or a hut made out of cobblestone, complete with roof and front door.

The manner in which you craft items is ingenious, yet simple. You have a 2x2 crafting grid available which later extends to a 3x3 once you've made a crafting block. In order to assemble, say a bowl to eat food from, you assemble your pieces of wood into a U shape and there you have it.

You can build mansions, castles, a house made with walls entirely out of glass so you can watch the monsters, or 'mobs' as they're called, search for you. When the sun rises they'll be burnt alive and it'll be safe to wander out again.

All that building and exploring for resources doesn't half make you hungry though. You'll have to kill wild cows and pigs and cook their meat in a furnace-that you have to build of course- to survive.

A soundtrack is largely absent. Music will only be heard as the sun sets or rises, denoting the end or beginning of the day. Or, sometimes during particularly serene moments where you'll be sitting on the roof of the hut you've made (high up enough to stay out of the clutches of those marauding mobs) and staring out over the landscape, at the stars and the pixelated moon. The piano melody is melancholic and brings a sense of sadness and isolation, which, essentially is justified. You're on your own, and if you don't put your resources to use and build a shack complete with torches on the walls, a bed to spawn by or a pic-axe to mine with, you're essentially screwed.

But the beauty of this game is whatever your imagination conjures, you can build. Don't fancy living in a shack? Build a ship in the ocean, complete with rigging and a crow's nest. Or dig underground and carve yourself out a nice lair. Water too plays a part. You can surround that hut of yours with a moat by digging out a trench and filling it with water you've scooped up with the bucket you've made. Those mobs won't be able to get near, see.

However, there is just as much below ground as there is above it. Dig deep under the earth (not straight down but in a staircase motion, a mantra drummed into you by the various Minecraft guides online. You might plummet straight into a lava pit and die) and discover dungeons, chests and more useful resources such as coal, iron ore and redstone dust, the latter of which can be used to make wire, electric circuits, clocks or even rail tracks if mixed with gold and wooden sticks.

There's even a multiplayer mode. You and a friend can join a server and collaborate with your no-doubt bonkers ideas of living quarters.

Overall you'll never play anything like it, since there is no real end to what you can construct out of the lego-like blocks. A stairway to the stars? You betcha...

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 review

2011-12-04T18:15:00.000Z

Turgid doesn't even cover it

The book is a vile, mess of a read where nothing much happens; so the decision to split it into two films is baffling.
Oh I'm sorry, I meant financially savvy. There are a lot of reasons why they'd choose to do this, but unfortunately it doesn't detract from the fact that the film is poor.

Edward Cullen, our vegetarian vampire and Bella Swan, the increasingly annoying human (you never quite close your mouth do you?) tie the knot at last, before jetting away to Brazil for their honeymoon. The wedding scenes are humorous and on the money, but it's from here on in that things fall apart.

The minute Bedward arrive at their picturesque hut on the beach the film turns into a montage of rom-com-esque moments that juxtapose jarringly with the tone set in Eclipse.

You have to keep reminding yourself that this is a vampire film, not some Richard Curtis effort. Twihards will lap it up, along with the headboard smashing thrust from our favourite vampire during their raucous love-making.

Whilst the adoring Twilight fans will be sucked into the film, haters will hate, as they say. Most of the time you're just wishing it will hurry up and end. But just as it looks all hope is lost the last half hour of the film really gives it a much-needed glass of blood.

Bella, now pregnant with a vampire-human hybrid, incurs the wrath of the wolf-pack, who are determined to prevent the birth of an uncontrollable blood-sucker. It's annoying then, that the CGI wolves look terrible, which is a shame since Taylor Lautner's acting seems to have gotten lots better since the last instalment.

The less said about the soundtrack the better. Composer Cartel Burwell's over-reliance on pop-songs and slow intense ballads that tie in incidentally with Bella's emotions is just garish. Empire's Helen O'Hara sums it up perfectly: "The worst incidental scoring you'll hear outside porn."

But the CGI showing a ravaged, nutrient-starved Bella being killed from the inside by her baby is shockingly realistic. You'd think the filmmakers had asked Kristen Stewart to starve herself in the most extreme method acting seen since Christian Bale's The Machinist. The birth scene is equally as lurid, and surprisingly, one of the tensest moments in the film, inter-cut with the film's only action scene as the Cullen's take on the wolves.

Part 2 really doesn't have to do much to top this very mixed-bag of a Twilight film. In actual fact, if part 2 sticks loyally to the source material there isn't going to be enough to fill two hours, let alone the ~~low~~ expectations of the public.

☆☆☆☆☆☆6/10

Zelda: Still legendary after 25 years

2011-11-11T10:30:00.005Z

With the release of The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword just around the corner, a retrospective look at the last 25 years seemed necessary...

Fifteen games, a quarter of a century, over 52 million copies sold and our hero is still modest enough not to have uttered a single word: yup, there's definitely something special about Link.
No game could have survived this long without changing with the times and adapting its gameplay to fit in with today's current crop of- wait, hold on. The fundamentals of a Zelda game haven't changed, apart from the jump from 2D to 3D. Perhaps that's why its been so successful...?
Princess Zelda of Hyrule, complete with flowing blonde locks and a wise head on her juvenile shoulders gets captured by Ganondorf time and time again. And its up to the boy in green to rescue her.
Now I'm not going to chronicle EVERY Zelda game here, the article will be long enough as it is. But all the best ones will be looked at. Back to 1986 then...

The Legend of Zelda (1986)

That pixelated green and brown mess you see is how Link looked when he first appeared in The Legend of Zelda. The game itself was a frustrating experience since you didn't have a map or any real idea of where to go first.

Still, Hyrule was there for you to explore in all its pixelated glory. It was an incredible game for its time, but if you've downloaded it from Nintendo's Virtual Console in a fit of nostalgia, I doubt you lasted ten minutes before throwing the control down in disgust.

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (1987)

Hmmm, now this is an odd one.

First off, its a side-scrolling adventure. Secondly, it forgoes the open-ended nature of Zelda games. And you're restoring magical artefacts from dungeons instead of retrieving them.

As well as Super Mario works in this format, it really is to the detriment of Zelda.
I don't know, perhaps Nintendo thought they were being really innovative with changing the style but on this occasion, it didn't work.

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (1992)

This was the turning point.

From here on in Zelda games began to show exactly what they were about.

A vast colourful landscape with rivers, great plains, caves and chests of rupees hidden all over the place.

But best of all, ALTTP showcased what would soon became a trademark of the Zelda series: time travel and parallel worlds. The first, which is called the Light World, is where Link grew up with his uncle.

The second, the Dark World, is the wasteland left after Ganon acquired the Triforce. Link travelled between the two using a magic mirror. And Link's sword attack was improved, allowing him to swing his sword sideways instead of just stabbing forwards. Innovation, right there! What more could you want?

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening/DX (1993, 1998)

By Nick Goodwin

First released on the original Game Boy, but was re-released as Link's Awakening DX in the late 90's on the Game Boy Color. One of the few games not set in Hyrule, Link gets shipwrecked on the Island of Koholint.

Koholint Island is not what it seems and our hero Link is faced with a new challenge; to save the Legendary Windfish. Your first mission is to search for Link's defining emblem, the sword. Once found the infamous Wise Old Owl appears and instructs you to look for eight instruments of the Sirens. Where else are the instruments to be found, but in eight perilous Dungeons, each with their own ingenious puzzles and demonic bosses. The bosses happen to be nightmare creatures, that possess a desire to rule the World that the Windfish guards.

Many fans will drool at the thought of what epic ballad will be formed from all eight instruments of the Sirens and their purpose. The ballad, breaks the egg in which the Windfish lives opening up another dungeon for Link to face his greatest fears. Within dwells not only the Windfish but the final nightmare creature that transforms into Link's past enemies, one of which is Ganon. Once the heroic Link faces his fears he must face the final form of the creature; Dethl. Dethl is a one eyed shadow with wandering tentacles and not easily defeated.

However, once defeated Link must play the ballad again and he and the Windfish awaken together leaving behind the wonderful, and myserious Island of Koholint. The Windfish explains it was all his own dream, but it could only be one the greatest and most challenging tests for Link, to prepare him for his destiny.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (1998)

Where to begin?

Often heralded as the greatest game of all time, Ocarina of Time transported our green-clothed hero from a minuscule smudge of graphics to a fully formed 3D figure.

You start out as The Boy With No Fairy, living in the Kokori Forest where its inhabitants never grow up. Navi the fairy summons you to the great Deku Tree where you are informed that 'the wicked man from the desert' has cursed the tree and seeks to control Hyrule. Only you can stop him, naturally.

The first step on to Hyrule field accompanied by a beautiful musical score is one of the defining moments of the Zelda series. For the first time Link has a 3D landscape with rivers, lakes, castles and deserts to explore.

Not to mention the fact that you can play as Adult Link, thanks to a series of events involving the three spiritual stones, the Sacred Realm and that ginger fella Ganondorf. He followed Link into the Sacred Realm as he pulled the Master Sword from its plinth.

Your spirit is sealed away for seven years, as you go from a small child with a dagger who can't even lift his Hylian shield, to an adult with the Master Sword.

To top it all off you get a trusty steed of your own, making travel less of a chore and more enjoyable. Epona, we love you.

The game gets noticeably darker at this point, as you discover a Hyrule that has been ripped apart by Ganondorf. Re-deads walk the once peaceful streets of Castle Town and monsters have taken over the haven that was the Kokiri Forest.

Ocarina of Time isn't easy. There are some devilish dungeons along the way (Water Temple anyone?) with hard puzzles and scary moments. The Zelda games had come of age, much like our hero.

The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (2000)

It was always going to take something magical to better Ocarina of Time. Somehow, Majora's Mask is at least equal to it in many respects, despite a differing structure to the game, namely: masks.

A few months after leaving Hyrule, Link and his trusty steed Epona are making their way through a forest, before being ambushed by the Skull Kid and two fairies. Epona flees in fear and the Skull Kid steals Link's powerful magical object, the Ocarina of Time.

Link gives chase but falls down a dark hole in a cave and is turned into a Deku Scrub by the Skull Kid. Soon you end up in Clock Town, in the land of Termina. Termina is in BIG trouble.

In three days time, the moon is going to crash into the town and obliterate all. Over to you Link...

MM is known as the oddest, darkest and saddest Zelda game. Certainly not as accessible as OoT, and with only 4 dungeons compared to the eight Ocarina boasted. But the emphasis in MM is more on the side quests and the magic masks that can change Link's form to a Goron, a Deku or a Zora.

This is where the game is the most fun. You can swim the seas of Great Bay doing dolphin-esque leaps out of the water, roll over ramps and take part in the goron races in the snowy mountains, or take flight as a deku from Deku launch pads.

And all the time the clock is ticking, the moon ominously leering down at you from the sky, getting closer and closer as you approach the third and final day.

Its a good thing then you can play the Song of Time backwards on your Ocarina (after you retrieve it) to slow down the flow of time so you don't feel pressured to rush those dungeons.

For many, Majoras Mask is the superior game to Ocarina. There's lots to do even when you've completed it and there's a sense of foreboding and darkness as you play. Collecting the 24 masks in the game is a lot of fun too but there's no denying its not as long as its predecessor. But the swift emphasis away from dungeons to side quests was a welcome change.

The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages/Seasons (2001)

Released alongside each other for the Game Boy Color, Oracle of Ages and Oracle of Seasons took the formula of the immensely successful Link's Awakening and applied it to the concepts of time travel and seasonal change respectively.

Ages is set in the land of Labrynna. Once again the Triforce calls for Link and he witnesses the kidnapping of the Oracle of Ages, a woman called Nayru by a sorcerer Veran. Her abduction disrupts the flow of time in Labrynna.

The best thing about the game is the fact you could travel from the past to the present using the Harp of Ages and time holes.

As a result, the landscape changes drastically. Where there might have been once been a field of seedlings planted in the past, in the present it's now a massive forest. It's a clever mechanic in the sense that the past and present look so different to one another that you're essentially experiencing two game maps. Absolute genius on Capcom's part.

Seasons is equally as magnificent. Set in the Holodrum, Oracle of Seasons Din is abducted by General of Darkness Onox, throwing the seasons into chaos.

With the Rod of Seasons our hero can change the seasons at will. The environments change with the season so in winter you'll be able to walk over frozen lakes, but in summer those lakes will have thawed and you'll have to find another way around. That is, unless you have an animal companion to help you.

In both games you have the choice of three animals at your beck and call to help you on your quest. Dimitri the Dodongo can swim up waterfalls and can swallow enemies, as you sit comfortably on top. Moosh the winged bear can hover for short periods and ground-pound enemies. Ricky the kangaroo can leap pot holes and punch enemies with his gloved fists. You can only choose one companion so choose wisely!

The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker (2001)

The Wind Waker is a massive turning point for the Zelda games, and its aftershocks can still be felt/seen today, if you'll indulge my melodramatics.

The first Zelda game to be released on Nintendo's then new console the Gamecube, fans were salivating in anticipation for a graphically enhanced Zelda adventure to sink their sword into. It had been three years since the last 3D Zelda adventure Majora's Mask and with the Gamecube's capabilities, the sky seemed the limit.

The last thing anyone was expecting was cartoon Link.

Nintendo had decided to go in a different direction for the WW, using cel-shaded graphics and and younger Link character. Reception to this idea was cold to say the least. Gamers were hoping for another OoT adventure, in looks at least.

However, the WW proved to be one of the most successful Zelda titles ever, with the highest pre-order campaign in Nintendo's history. Even better was the game's setting: the open seas.

Yes, Hyrule is submerged in water. Good thing Link doesn't get seasick since he had a lot of sailing to do. You and your trusty talking (!) boat the King of Red Lions sail from island to island, dungeon to beach with the wind at your control. You're given the Wind Waker, a conductor's baton that manipulates wind direction with a series of pieces of music. Additionally, wind is often needed to solve puzzles.

The sailing is loads of fun to begin with, as you use your boat's canon to blast sharks out of your way and explore lonely islands in the far corners of the map. However, it does get boring in the last third of the game, which is essentially a treasure hunt looking for Triforce pieces.

Nonetheless, WW is still a gem of a game, thanks to upgraded sword combat and detailed facial expressions thanks to the cel-shading. If you hit the 'A' button when the controller vibrates during combat, Link will perform a neat little roll around the back of the targeted enemy and strike him with his sword. At other times, he will do a somersault over the enemy, smashing him over the head with his sword as he goes over.

These little touches made the game refreshing, not to mention the final battle against Ganonforf more enthralling.

My earlier reference to WW being a turning point is evidenced in three other Zelda games: Phantom Hourglass, Spirit tracks and the about to be released Skyward Sword. They all use cel-shaded graphics- proof that gameplay is more important than graphics when it comes down to it.

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (2006)

It was a long five year wait between Wind Waker and Twilight Princess.

And the challenge of creating a Zelda game on the Wii that would not only take advantage of the motion controls, but keep within the Zelda aesthetic without becoming gimmicky, was a challenge Nintendo did not take lightly.

Luckily however, there was nothing to worry about: TP was an incredible gaming experience, collecting awards for Best Use of Sound, Best Orginal score and Best Artistic Direction from IGN.

And most of all, Nintendo had done away with cel-shading Link for the time being, giving gamers some gorgeous visuals to look at- reminding them that Zelda games never actually changed at heart.

The enticing thing about Twilight Princess was the thought of being able to slash your sword through the air using the Wii remote. It worked quite well; you could bring your shield up by raising the nunchuck too. But enough about the controls, the most important thing was that Twilight Princess's gameplay was spellbinding.

The hook of TP was Link's ability to change between his human form and a wolf form. Link is turned into a wolf by creatures of the Twilight Realm, who are trying to engulf Hyrule in darkness. So it's into the breach again for our Link.

It's almost a spiritual twin to Oot. We see the return of Hyrule field for the first time since Majora's Mask and have the pleasure of riding Epona again, only this time being able to swing our sword whilst riding.

Cue magnificent on-horseback sword fights with enemy hog riders- and an unforgettable one on one 'jousting' face-off on a bridge surrounded by flames.

TP, whilst not necessarily doing anything different with the overworld-dungeon-overworld-side-quest formula, is a challenging and gripping gameplay experience and an absolute must for Zelda fans.

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword (2011)

Critics have hailed it the best Zelda game ever.

Edge magazine, notorious for harshly reviewing games has given it a 10/10.

IGN says 'Ocarina of Time has met its match' and goes on to give it a 10/10, 'masterpiece' rating.

Serving as a prequel to Ocarina of Time, this incarnation of Link was born and raised in Skyloft, a series of floating islands high above the clouds. He soon stumbles upon the Skyward Sword, using it to travel between the sky and land.

It's fitting then, that after 25 years Nintendo knows how to keep the series fresh, by adding new features and tweaking gameplay. Take, for example, Link's new sprint ability and stamina bar, allowing him to run up walls and be more agile in general.

The auto-jump feature, which has been a staple of the Zelda series since Oot, has always limited the way you've been able to interact with Hyrule. This time, Link can clamber, climb and leap around, allowing you to explore with your feet as much as your eyes. So there's more of a platforming element present in SS.

And at last, the motion controls are pin-point. You can slice precisely, point threateningly an swing wildly- no more wild wiggling of the remote like in TP.

Whether or not Skyward Sword is a success, either critically or commercially (who's kidding here, it's going to be brilliant and it's going to smash records), it already looks like the ultimate Zelda experience.

An amalgamation of what has always made the series one of the most loved in the gaming world, SS eschews the comfortably yet annoying traits of the dungeons-light all the torches in the room to open the door! Yeah, fuck that- and alters the dungeon-overworld template by immersing the player in a new world above the clouds.

It's certainly not the last Zelda game Nintendo are making (whispers of Majora's Mask for the 3DS just won't go away) but Skyward Sword is a fitting release to celebrate 25 years of the Legend of Zelda.

So get your green garbs on, grab your sword and shield and tell that fairy above your head to shut the fuck up: we're going on an adventure.

In Time review

2011-11-07T21:35:00.015Z

What do you do when there aren't enough hours in the day? RUN!

Set in a future where no one ages past 25, In Time is a brilliant concept that starts so well but slips into lazy film making and delivers uninspiring action in the second half.

Blue-collar worker Will Salas (a charismatic Justin Timberlake) resides in 'the ghetto', living from day to day earning as much time as possible to keep alive, along with all the other citizens of his town.

But after being given 100 years worth of time by a suicidal man he saves, Will decides to take on the unjust system and deliver justice for all.

The amount of time a person has left is depicted as green digits running along the left arm, like a projected watch. People can 'give' each other time by holding each other's wrists together. Say a person only has ten seconds left, they could beg a passer-by to give them another hour before they die. It's a great concept and is cleverly used throughout the film.

Crass Bond moments aside-Will at a Poker table introducing himself as "Salas, Will Salas"- time is used in numerous different ways. Want to use a public telephone? Your wrist is scanned and it costs you a minute. Need to catch a bus? That's an hour. A nice pair of diamond earrings- well, you might just be able to pawn them for 48 hours.

Amanda Seyfried plays Salas' belle, Sylvie Weis, all three inch heels and ridiculous wig. With the amount of running the leads do in this film you'd think she'd invest in a nice pair of pumps, especially with the Timekeepers on your tail.

Yes, time is monitored by head Timekeeper Raymond Leon (an unimpressive Cillian Murphy) who spends most of the film gun in hand chasing after Will and Sylvie.

Yet the film falters slightly in the second half. The script seems to meander as it sends the lead characters on the run from hotel to hotel, interspersed with sombre conversations concerning time and the different socio-economic backgrounds Will and Sylvie come from. Sylvie has always lived in New Greenwich, where the rich go about their business in a casual fashion- in contrast to the ghetto residents, constantly looking at their time remaining and wondering where their next minute is coming from.

The parallels to Robin Hood are apparent here, the robbing the rich to feed the poor shtick cleverly implemented as Will and Sylvie go all Bonnie and Clyde against the Timekeepers, but you can't shake the feeling that the second half is a little out of control compared to the well-paced opening scenes.

Still, the action, if a little mundane, (basically Murphy, Timberlake and Seyfried hauling ass for long periods) zips along fast enough that you won't care.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆8/10

It's official: Bond 23 is 'Skyfall'

2011-11-03T12:23:00.010Z

At long last we have the official title of the 23rd James Bond film: Skyfall.

Plot: In Skyfall, Bond's loyalty to M is tested as her past comes back to haunt her. As MI6 comes under attack, 007 must track down and destroy the threat, no matter how personal the cost.

Briefing:

Daniel Craig returns in his third outing as James Bond 007 license to kill and shag.

His increasingly frustrated boss M is once again played by Judi Dench, in her 7th Bond film.

Javier Bardem will play the villain. Ralph Fiennes, although not present at the conference, is confirmed too, probably in a bad-guy role too.

Naomie Harris will play a field agent called 'Eve': "I've been stunt driving and doing yoga three times a week to get into shape, and firing machine guns, which I've got a taste for."

Stunning French actress and model Berenice Marlohe will play 'Severin': "I've been training to fire guns for the first time in my life. I enjoyed it very much."

The character names for Fiennes, Finney and Wishaw have been withheld, since Bond fans might know them. Or they might not. Blofeld? Q? Exciting stuff.

Shooting starts today. Skyfall will be shot in London, 'the wilds of Scotland', Turkey and Shanghai.

A documentary crew will be following the production to commemorate the Bond series' 50th Anniversary next year, when the film is released.

Rumours that Skyfall would have less action in it turned out to be rubbish. The budget and action will be in line with the last two Bond films. A sigh of relief.

No details as of yet have been released concerning who will score the film or sing the title credits.

Skyfall is directed by Oscar winner Brit Sam Mendes and shot by nine-time Oscar winner Roger Deakin.

Skyfall will be released on October 26 2012.

The Ides of March review

2011-10-31T23:46:00.022Z

Clooney in the director's chair again, this time delving into the filthy world of politics

Ryan Gosling has had a busy year, hasn't he? Three very different films and three very different roles.

He played a promiscuous womaniser in Crazy, Stupid, Love, a stunt driver by day and a getaway driver by night in Drive, but it's this films where he excels.

Based on the play Farragut North by Beau Willamon, Gosling plays Stephen Meyers, the Junior Campaign manager for Governor Mike Morris (George Clooney), a Democratic presidential candidate who is attempting to win the support of Ohio which would all but guarantee his election.

There's a strong supporting cast too, with Philip Seymour Hoffman as Morris's Senior Campaign manager, who delightfully curses his way throughout the film. Marisa Tomei is the nagging political hack and Paul Giamatti is the rival campaign manager for the Republican candidate. But ironically enough, Clooney is almost a supporting player in this too.

Gosling is the star here, and as a result the film centers on his relationship with intern Molly (Evan Rachel Wood). Their on-screen chemistry is there for all to see and the scenes they share together sparkle thanks to crisp dialogue and a self-assured turn from Wood.

Things don't go smoothly for Meyers though. A startling revelation throws the campaign into turmoil as blackmail and extortion rear their ugly heads and makes Meyers question his job and the very nature of the politics he is embroiled in.

It is here that you realise what started out as a politics-laden drama which had the opportunity to delve deeper into the machinations of a campaign trail, swiftly turns into a drama like any other with a very simple message.

Meyers figures out that, shock horror, politics is dirty! So somewhat of a missed opportunity in terms of script and narrative development.

Despite a couple of flaws The Ides of March is very well made and entertaining throughout.

Hats off to the director of photography too, who sets up a magnificent and telling shot of Meyers sitting in his car distraught, with rain lashing down on the windscreen overlapping his face, juxtaposing metaphorical tears with real ones.

Overall the film is something of a directorial return to form for George Clooney, as he managed to get a great performance out of Gosling and his supporting cast. It's just a shame then that Ides only just misses the mark politically, choosing to revert to plain old drama instead.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆8/10

Battlefield 3 multiplayer review

2011-10-29T13:41:00.019+01:00

Its here, and its all kicking off

No running and gunning in this game, that's for sure.

For those trigger-happy COD gamers who just sprint forward and go in all guns blazing are going to struggle in BF3, because it simply won't work.

BF3 rewards the type of gamer who actually takes stock of what's in front of him, the terrain around him and how to approach.

One of the most fun game modes, is Rush. A little bit like Call of Duty's Headquarters, you and your squad have to attack an objective, and attach a charge to it before furiously defending it from the other team. Not intrigued? How about this: jets, helicopters, tanks and boats are at your disposal!

You can choose to directly spawn into a vehicle if one is available when you die. Imagine taking off in a helicopter, soaring over the sea and over the land towards the enemy base before pumping your finger on the trigger and opening fire...that is, until the unwelcome beeping sound of someone who has locked on to you and is about to shoot you out of the air reaches your ears. Better jump out and deploy that parachute, then.

Even better is the unpredictability the game offers. You can be lying prone in a clump of bushes, picking people off with your sniper rifle left, right and centre...until a jet is shot out of the sky with an RPG, landing on top of you in a ball of flames, killing you instantly.

It's moments like this that make you truly appreciate the perils of being on a battlefield, where jets and helicopters get piloted into the earth by inept pilots with startling regularity.

In terms of the game maps, they're vast. Kharg Island for example requires you and your squad to actually take a fleet of boats and dinghys over the sea to reach the mainland. And they all look fantastic thanks to the Frostbite 2 engine, allowing the HD graphics to shine. At times it's like watching a film.

Much like its fiercest rival, BF3 has weapon classes, and there's quite a big emphasis on choosing the right one. Engineer, Assault, Recon, and Support are there to choose from.

If one of your tanks has taken damage then as an Engineer you better help your squad by repairing it with the handy blowtorch you have equipped. Assault is handy if you're on the front line in Rush, attacking the objective. You also have defibrillators to use on downed team-mates. Recon gives you a sniper rifle so you'd better find a good vantage point, lie prone and get shooting. Support gives you claymores and mortars. Choosing the right class to adapt to a certain situation is vital to helping your squad win the game.

I could go on for ages talking about the fun to be had in multiplayer. But all you really need to know is buy this game. You'll lose hours of your life playing it, and what with Skyrim just around the corner you'd be forgiven if your eyes change shape.

Modern Warefare 3: "They just don't know. They have no idea"

2011-10-17T18:24:00.005+01:00

Call of Duty: General manager of Sledgehammer games slams critics of upcoming shooter

One of the developers of MW:3 has defended the Call of Duty series against the criticism that has been levelled at it, stating that the impending game is 'not a cut and paste'.
Many accuse each game of copying the formula of the previous game, implementing only a few changes each time. But Glen Schofield thinks the haters are wrong, albeit his response is slightly baffling, not to mention lame.
"If you put Modern Warfare 2 next to Modern Warfare 3 you would see a huge difference.
"Look at all the character models, look at all the gun models, look at the reflections, look at the water," he adds.
The water?
Hate to say this but reflections in water are nothing new, and updated graphics are to be expected. But he has more to say.
"There is so much that we've added, so when someone says 'cut and paste', I don't even want to talk to them because they don't know. They just don't know. They have no idea."
Nor do we, Schofield. When the only good thing you can say about MW:3 is how good the reflections in the water look, then perhaps it's time to bite the bullet and buy the continually impressive looking Battlefield 3. For harder-edged more patient, tactical gamers, BF3 is preferable.
For those who want a fun shooter and pretty reflections in the water, go for MW3.
You'll keep Glen happy that way.

Taken 2 synopsis revealed

2011-10-13T10:57:00.004+01:00

Ex-CIA agent looks to triple the body count this time

Liam Neeson is returning as Bryan Mills in Taken 2, complete with his very particular set of skills.
The last film saw him rescue his daughter Kim, who was kidnapped by a gang of Albanians. Neeson brutally murdered person after person, until he finally managed to find her on board a boat.
This time around Taken 2 sees the father of one of the kidnappers swear revenge, and takes Bryan and his wife hostage while they are on a family holiday in Istanbul.
Bryan enlists Kim to help them escape while he uses his advanced set of 'special skills' to get his family to safety and take out his kidnappers one by one.
Ludicrous really: if the kidnappers had heard how Bryan jammed two nails into the thighs of someone he captured, attached leads to the nails and electrocuted him to death in Taken, then maybe they'd think twice about messing with him.
Expected body count: high.
Taken 2 is directed by Oliver Megaton (The Transporter 3) and will be released on October 5th 2012.
Famke Janssen and Maggie have signed on to reprise their roles. Co-writer Luc Besson has confirmed this will be the final Taken movie.

Adele is recording James Bond theme

2011-10-07T13:18:00.003+01:00

23 year-old is recording song with 21 collaborator

Adele will join the list of greats such as Shirley Bassey, Tom Jones and Paul McCartney and record the James Bond theme.
It is thought that she is using her week off to pen the track with her trusted right-hand man Paul Epworth.
The Grammy award-winning singer has had phenomenal success in both the UK and across the pond- her album reaching number one in both countries.
A source said: "Adele is the obvious choice to record the next Bond theme.
"The last few songs for the spy movies have hardly set the charts alight. After her success this year film-makers know the song is almost guaranteed to be a huge hit."
This 'source' has a point.
Quantum of Solace's theme tune, sung by Jack White and Alicia Keys- was critically panned.
Earlier attempts, such as Madonna's god-awful Die Another Day techno-funk mess, was also derided. Arguably not since Sheryl Crow's Tomorrow Never Dies has there been a decent Bond song, so the stakes are high for Adele to deliver.
The film- which is rumoured to be titled 'Skyfall'- has started shooting at Pinewood Studios and will be directed by Sam Mendes and starring Daniel Craig, due for release in October 2012.

Ridiculous existence: The 'joys' of temp work

2011-09-28T14:06:00.037+01:00

In today's financial climate temp work can be quite suited to you...if you don't mind constant condescension and sympathetic smiles

With unemployment sky-rocketing, with even Mr PHD who lives around the corner unable to even get a job flipping burgers in Burger King, it can seem like a small victory to get some temp work.

Usually paid by the hour, though more often than not you're earning way above the pathetic minimum wage, temp work is a great way to earn some quick green (especially if you're getting paid weekly) with a random company who'll take you on for a few weeks.

Unfortunately, the work is often dull and repetitive, requiring less electric brain power than is required to light up a 1-watt bulb.
I've been temping full time on and off for a certain company for the past two years. Whilst i'm grateful for the money I made- allowing me to buy a new TV, Xbox, laptop and keeping me in booze more or less consistently throughout the year- it came at a price.

Namely mind-bending boredom and constant patronising by permanent members of staff.

But before I talk about that I should mention the event that is the Tea Trolley.
Twice a day, first at 10.45am and then at 3.15pm (on the dot usually), the Tea Ladies will crash their way through corridors all over the building with their trolleys laden with tankards of the worst tasting tea in the universe. Think liquidized elastic bands.

Yet the staff go mental for it! Despite the fact that the tea from the machines at 15p per cup taste 10 times better. If the trolley is late even by a few minutes you'd think nuclear war had been declared.

Temps however, aren't permitted to have tea from the trolley.

It's strictly forbidden.

That's drummed into you on your first day.

Some more sympathetic members of staff will ask you if you want a cuppa from the trolley- how nice of them!- but that was my first and last time after tasting the putrid stuff.

More annoying is how temps and permanent members of staff are segregated by way of colour coded ID badges.

Staff who walk around with blue badges round their necks, are permanent members of staff, some of whom have been working for this certain company for 25 years or more- in other words since I drew breath from the womb in the late eighties up until writing this rambling memoir of hell on earth- they've been there, entering random numbers of little meaning into Excel.

The poor temps on the other hand, stroll around with red ID badges.
You've got to hand it to the management, the red badges allow the permanent staff to immediately change their attitude when speaking to red-labelled temp staff- namely treat them with contempt or with unbearable condescension.
And that's the problem. As helpful and hard-working as you might be, there is always a moment where you wonder what the fuck you're doing there.

These thoughts usually lead to liquid lunches that escalate into the '4 pint challenge' with your colleagues (for the uninitiated this is drinking 4 pints of beer/cider in your lunch hour. Harder than it sounds). The skill is trying to walk back into the office without colliding with desks, slurring your words or getting your index finger crushed in the hinge of a weighted door that slams shut...the latter of which may or may not have happened to me.

So there are perks, if you're of my character and know-or pray- that a temp job is just a stop-gap before you move on to bigger and better things- so in the meantime you can get away with nerve damage in your digits and drinks at lunch time.

But if you're still temping after three years or so, you might want to assess where things went wrong...

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy review

2011-09-27T14:13:00.014+01:00

Tomas Alfredson's take on John Le Carré's spy novel set in the 1970s can be baffling if you haven't read the source text

Not since Inception has a film required so much concentration in order to keep up with this intelligent tale of espionage, moles and spies.

Director Alfredson, on some what of a winning streak after 2010's excellent horror-romance vampire remake Let Me In, once again collaborates with cinematographer Hoyte Van Hoytema, who did an amazing job at portraying the wintry landscape in the aforementioned vampire flick.

For someone who had not read the novel, or seen the original TV series with Alec Guinness, this was a battle between my concentration span and the treachery, deception and misdirection the film twisted around my throat.

The film is shot in murky, stilted colours, all the more to show off the drab suits worn by the key players. Gary Oldman, huge spectacles and slicked back grey hair depicts George Smiley, a taciturn (he doesn't actually speak for the first 15 minutes of the film) intelligence expert in forced retirement.

But Smiley is drawn back into work after the discovery that there is a possibility of a mole operating in the Secret Intelligence Service, or 'Circus'.
Smiley suspects the mole is responsible for the bungling of Operation in Hungary, wherein agent Jim Prideaux (Mark Strong) meets a Hungarian General who wishes to provide information.

Smiley suspects a number of his colleagues too: Bill Haydon, Roy Bland and Percy Alleline, played by Colin Firth, Ciaran Hinds and Toby Jones respectively.

With the aid of Ricki Tarr (Tom Hardy), a British Agent who first uncovered information about the mole via an affair with a Russian agent, Smiley lays a trap to lure the mole out.

A Bourne film this aint; those who are looking for a fast-paced action/spy flick are about as suited to this film as Superman is to Kryptonite. The plot is evenly paced, slow, thoughtful and calculated- much like Oldman as the protagonist. He is in his element here, as far removed as Sirius Black or Stansfield as it is possible to be.

Benedict Cumberbatch, building a solid reputation from his role as Sherlock Holmes on the BBC, ironically takes up a Doctor Watson-esque role as Smiley's legman Peter Guilliam.

A sequence where Guilliam is sent to filch files from the archives of the Circus-obviously meant to be a tense sequence- is bereft of suspense if you've lost the plot. Only those who have seen the TV series or read the book will understand the weight of such a scene. For the outsiders such as myself, I lost the significance of the scene, as my grip on the plot slipped.

Thankfully, the complexities of the plot don't totally alienate those not familiar with the story, as the following plot thread involving Ricki Tarr and the Russian girl he gets involved with are well-laid out.

Unfortunately the revelation of the mole lacks the punch to the gut one wants. There is no crescendo in the score, no obvious eureka moment, but in matching with the patient, slow pace the film has continued at all along, train lines quite literally click into place inter-cut with a slight turning of Smiley's head shot from the back, signifying that Smiley has got his man.

Strong performances from all the lead players and an intriguing story-even if it can confuse at times- make Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy a unique experience for those who want a challenging watch for a change. Its even better viewing without prior knowledge as to who the mole is.

Just don't take your eyes off the screen.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆8/10

Why I hate Breaking Dawn...and why I have to be first in line to see it at the cinema

2011-09-25T16:53:00.012+01:00

Sometimes you just have to put your faith in the film-makers

Major Spoilers (If you even care) follow

You can say what you want about the Twilight Saga, but the fact is it's a lucrative franchise with a mass appeal to teenage girls and vampirephiles (I fall into the latter category, I think).
But the problem is that the novels from which the films are based on are tepid, badly written yarns which have translated moderately well to the big screen, thanks to some skilled screenwriters/directors.
In fact the first film was actually quite good. The second-New Moon- suffered, mainly because the book was awful and they did the best they could with the material they had.
Eclipse is by far the best book-to-film adaptation of the franchise, thanks to some great action sequences the writers injected into the film. Since the book couldn't be bothered to be exciting or in any way of a page-turner the stakes were high that the final novel in the series, Breaking Dawn, would offer a gripping climax and satisfying ending to the story. But it doesn't. Not even close.
Instead Meyer-who apparently came up with the idea of Twilight after a dream she had about a vampire and a girl in a meadow-uses the last book to change the narrative, writing certain chapters from the point of view of Jacob, the shapeshifter.
Its a nice change, but ultimately it does little to paper over the cracks in the story itself.
Bella and Edward get married and go to Brazil for their honeymoon. Bella, to Edward's chagrin, falls pregnant. Jacob, enraged with jealousy, runs off and forms his own wolf-pack.
What follows is more gutter prose from Mormon author Meyer, who promises so much in terms of climax but delivers so little. This is where the makers of the upcoming Breaking Dawn Part 1 have the opportunity to ~~ignore Meyer's shitty ending and make a kick-ass action packed vamp on vamp brawl~~ take advantage of the book's shortcomings and portray something more aesthetically pleasing....say the Cullens versus The Volturi.
It's not just me who thinks the book lacked punch. The Independent called it "shockingly, tackily, sick-makingly sexist" and said that "Bella Swan lives to serve men and suffer."
The journo at the Indy has a point. When not cooking meals for her culinarily inept father Charlie, she stares in open-mouthed buck toothed gratitude (sorry Kristen, your mouth is never entirely closed is it?) when Edward saves her from danger.

In addition she stares with incredulity when berated by her vamp beau and doesn't seem to mind that he stalks her, prowling around her house when she's asleep and generally not letting her make her own decisions. Not exactly the post-feminist novel for our times is it?
And to think nice, warm, fuzzy Jacob waits on the sidelines wondering why the hell she doesn't choose him instead. I've go to side with the Wolf on this one. Bella's shallow personality shines through as she admits she loves Edward because of his 'perfect face'.
The great thing about the films is that they show all of this. By coincidence poor Kristin Stewart plays a character so unlikeable that you want to punch her in the mouth.
Edward's behaviour does warrant a restraining order and you hate Jacob because of his inability to keep his fucking shirt on for more than five seconds. We all love to have a hate figure don't we?
But I expect director Bill Condon to rescue the shite bits of the book and turn the anti-climactic ending from the novel into something exciting and worthwhile. Eclipse temporarily restored my faith in the series, and denounced the saying 'you can't polish a turd'.
But for the hell of it, I typed in 'Breaking Dawn' into Amazon and read the titles of the first three reviews that came up.
"So bad I want to re-write it myself" says user Chicklet.
"The worst book ever" P.Spangler somewhat boldly states.
"Sickening" vomits Amanda MD.
'Nuff said.
So I put it to you, Summit Entertainment, please deliver. I'll be waiting to see a thoroughly re-written and re-invigorated finale.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 is released on November 18.

FIFA 12 demo impressions

2011-09-20T09:30:00.008+01:00

Is it really that different to FIFA 11?

Every year EA try to push a new feature in our faces in an attempt to get us to buy their latest offering. For FIFA 12, it's the player impact engine and tactical defending.
The thing is, FIFA 11 was the ultimate football sim. It is going to take a lot to beat a game which seems so perfect in terms of passing mechanics and graphics. Unfortunately, EA's new offering doesn't offer very much in terms of new gameplay to warrant spending £40 on it.
Visually, it looks exactly the same as its predecessor, apart from some new-look menus. Otherwise you'd think you were playing 11.
Anyway, straight to kick-off. You get to choose between Barcelona, Milan, Borussia Dortmund, Arsenal and Manchester City to play as. Then you're given a seven-step tutorial on how to use the new features.
For example, pressing the 'B' button while chasing after a player will make you tug at their shirt and wrestle with them for the ball- anything to put them off as they are about to take their shot.
Another move is the standing tackle, again pressing the 'B' button when facing a player head-on.
Next is a defensive move. If you hold R1 you can get the nearest player to rush to the attacker with the ball as you sort out your own positioning and defending in the 6 yard box.
Slide-tackling has had a bit of an overhaul now too. In FIFA 11 when you slid in on someone with the ball (especially in the rain) you player went skidding across the ground as if on ice. This time an attempt to slide in at someone, especially if you're not close enough, will see your player come to more of an abrupt halt. Yes, realism is kicking in!
In terms of the player impact engine, it was hard to be that impressed by it. The couple of occasions where you pull off a successful 'impact' tackle merely showcases both players being knocked to the floor and from then on it's just a case of who gets up the quickest.
The AI has improved though. If you're not doing your damnedest to defend, the opposition team will weave and dribble their way through your players with ease. I was Barcelona against Dortmund and they thrashed me 3-0 in the first game. So expect a bit of a steep learning curve.
After reading this you may be fooled into thinking there are a lot of features inherent in FIFA 12 that make it worth a buy. Yes, there is the promise of the new Career Mode, featuring a 'news feed' (hello Facebook?) and the promise of 'more drama' surrounding transfer deadline days. Also players will take issue with you if you leave them on the bench for a few games running apparently.
But overall it's difficult to say that FIFA 12 is a must buy.
We know that essentially each new title is the same game with a few more features for added gloss, so perhaps let word of mouth spread after the gullible few have bought on release day, and get their impressions of it.
After all, this is the demo version and a lot can change between this and the final build.
FIFA 12 is released on 27 September.

Anelka set to leave Chelsea

2011-09-18T12:27:00.006+01:00

Blues striker likely to leave in the summer

Nicolas Anelka looks certain to be leaving Chelsea at the end of the season, according to manager Andre Villas-Boas.
Anelka, 32, arrived at Stamford Bridge from Bolton for £15m in January 2008. Since then he has enjoyed the thrills of winning two FA cups and the Premier League with the Blues, who won the double under Carlo Ancelotti.
However, the striker is now in the final year of his contract and has indicated to the manager there is little chance of him renewing his contract.
Villas-Boas said: "We will make our efforts for him to renew but Nico has his own decision to make and I am not sure he will be willing."
And when pressed on whether the player had indicated he wanted to leave, Villas-Boas replied: "Yes."
Anelka has scored 49 goals in 119 appearances for the club.
Chelsea are yet to reach agreement with Didier Drogba either, who is also in the final year of his contract. Year after year there have been rumblings that the Ivorian might leave but he has so far shown commitment to the club and remained in West London.

Losing Anelka would not be much of a blow.
Chelsea are rather spoilt for choice in the attack-front- Romelu Lukaku, Salomon Kalou, Daniel Sturridge and Fernando Torres are all competing for places alongside Drogba.
Torres in particular is yet to stake his claim as being 'undroppable' from the squad, having only scored only 2 goals out of 19 games for the club.
A talking point since he arrived at Stamford Bridge in January, the Spaniard has been constantly rebuked in the press- lack of confidence and fitness being cited as reasons for his struggles in a Chelsea shirt.
Daniel Sturridge, 22, fresh from his immensely successful loan-spell at Bolton at the end of last season, looks dangerous and has been one of Chelsea's best players in recent games, so Torres will need to keep looking over his shoulder once Anelka leaves.

One Day review

2011-09-10T14:46:00.012+01:00

The novel of the summer gets the big screen treatment

You can't have escaped the mania associated with David Nicholls' book this year, a critically acclaimed social novel detailing the lives of two people with conflicting personalities.
One Day tells the story of Emma Morely and Dexter Mayhew, two people who meet on the night of their University graduation on St Swithin's Day, 15th July 1988. From that moment on Nicholls' novel follows them on the 15th July every year, as they go from being undergraduates to starting their respective careers.
Dexter is witty, boorish and outgoing whilst Emma is shy and lacking confidence. But somehow they get along, vowing to be best friends.
Its a shame then, that the structure of the novel somewhat inhibits the flow of the story on screen. People who have read the book won't mind but the uninitiated will feel the film is a series of mini episodes rather than a cohesive story.
Bizarrely, Anne Hathaway plays Emma. A baffling decision since the yank has a torrid time trying to pull off the Yorkshire accent.
She hits a middle ground with a southern-English accent most of the time but on certain words such as 'stuff' or 'bath' jarringly goes northern. That aside she puts in a good performance, as does Jim Sturgess as Dexter, who is terrific.

He portrays Dexter's arrogance particularly well, so its no wonder you feel sorry for Emma for putting up with his behaviour. "I love you Dexter. I just don't like you," she splutters, teary-eyed and fed up with his antics at one point in the film. Hathaway's performance is especially good if you notice the subtle changes in her acting as the years goes on, developing as a character and growing through her experiences in life.
Certainly, living with stand-up comedian Ian Whitehead (a scene-stealing Rafe Spall) in a dingy London flat in the early nineties made her more thick-skinned.
Those in the know will be wondering how THAT ending is handled, the big twist. Thankfully it's emotionally gripping and Sturgess once again shows his range as an actor.
Overall don't expect One Day to be as gripping as the novel; especially after THAT ending which no-one saw coming. But as a romantic drama it does the job and is saved by the performances of the two leads. The Notebook lovers will be hooked, as will people who have read the source material.
Just try to ignore Hathaway's accent.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆8/10

Cowboys and Aliens review

2011-08-29T17:13:00.015+01:00

As simple and enjoyable as the title makes it sound

Not since 1999's shit-fest Wild Wild West starring Will Smith has anyone attempted at making another 'weird west' film, combining Winchester Repeaters, saloons and horses with green blood and alien ships.
However Iron Man director Jon Favreau has a good go at it, aided by the likes of Daniel Craig in the starring role and Harrison Ford in support with Olivia Wilde.
Craig stars as Jake Lonergan, a wanted man. The problem is, he wakes up in the middle of the desert without any memory of who he is or why he seems to have an iron manacle attached to his wrist.
After a brief confrontation with some bounty hunters, in which he definitely comes off the better, he heads into the nearest town. Absolution is a quiet town, that is, until the Aliens arrive.
Soon Jake meets town boss Woodrow Dolarhyde (an angry Harrison Ford) and immediately gets on the wrong side of both him and the law. Luckily for him that's when the UFOs arrive, abducting many of the townsfolk by grabbing them with metal ropes and yanking them high into the air.
It's incredible to watch and looks totally real- a testament to the high quality of special effects. Cowboys and Aliens could easily have fallen into the 3D gimmick and sacrificed visual realism for blurry and clunky 3D but mercifully this is not the case.
So Jake, Woodrow, the mysterious Ella (Olivia Wilde) and a posse set out to free their kidnapped loved ones from the strange creatures from 'above the stars'.
Daniel Craig in the leading role strangely has hardly any lines at all. But when he does speak he pulls off the american accent well, unlike his atrocious attempt at one opposite Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider all those years ago.

But its a shame that Wilde's other-worldly character Ella is underused and as a result has little acting to do. Harrison Ford fares better: he seems to be radiating anger from his eyes most of the time and you'd be forgiven for forgetting he ever played Indiana Jones.
The action set-pieces are impressive overall. Especially when Jake starts shooting down alien aircraft from the metal bracelet on his wrist. But there are times when you feel that perhaps this film was a wasted opportunity. The story is very simple, a 'rescue mission' and little else. Entertaining yes, but perhaps a little linear and hackneyed. Why are the aliens on earth? Because there's gold on the planet.
"That's ridiculous", Harrison Ford growls. "What are they going to do with it? Buy things?"
Indeed.
At 2hrs 20 mins some may say its a little over-long but its paced quite well and the 'final battle' is entertaining not to mention bloody. One of the best things about this film is that its not afraid to transcend into scenes of pure horror. Alien flesh is punctured with spears, arrows and bullets, and even blown apart by dynamite.
Its just a shame there is little humour amongst all the seriousness and Daniel Craig's furrowed brow.
All in all Cowboys and Aliens is an entertaining summer romp and is easy watching. Just don't expect any James Bond one liners and a gripping plot- adjust your expectations according to the title.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆7/10

Juan Mata snubs Spurs and Gunners to win trophies with Chelsea

2011-08-23T11:50:00.004+01:00

The Blues' new signing from Valencia said Tottenham and Arsenal cannot compete with Chelsea

Juan Mata has admitted it wasn't a hard choice to decide which club to sign for in a bid to get some premier league action.
The Valencia winger is due to sign for Chelsea this week after agreeing personal terms and undergoing a medical.
Spurs were in the running to sign him this summer and Gunners boss Wenger was heavily linked with him too, but Mata will instead be heading to Stamford Bridge to add some much-needed creativity into Chelsea's midfield.
The 23 year-old said: "It was a question of sporting achievement, not money.
"Arsenal and Tottenham were both interested in me but they did not compare with the Blues."
The World Cup Winner with Spain last year is also looking forward to linking up with fellow country-man Fernando Torres too.
One of Chelsea's problems has been finding a midfielder who can feed passes to Chelsea's £50 million hitman.
He added: "Fernando helped influence my decision but speaking directly with Villas-Boas was the decisive factor."
It is thought Juan Mata will sign with Chelsea for around £23m.
A deal for Tottenham's Luka Modric however, is yet to be reached, with a rumoured £30m bid set to be tabled for the midfielder.

The Inbetweeners Movie review

2011-08-19T15:42:00.010+01:00

The boys from Blighty tear up Malia, hoping for "sun, sand, sex, sea and sex"

It was inevitable really. After the success of the E4 TV series The Inbetweeners was always going to hit the big screen in one form or another.
After being dumped by Carli, Simon and his mates Will, Jay and Neil decide to go on a lads holiday in Malia.
Director Ben Palmer shows come cinematic flourishes from the off, as the camera goes from a satellite view of the earth, swooping down across a suburb and into Jay's room, where he's wearing a snorkelling mask, a hockey glove and watching internet porn with a load of honey roast ham to get him going (don't ask).
Echoes of Jay sitting on his arm to make it go numb in series 2 comes to mind here, and its a nice touch. Jay then gets the news that his grandad has died, leaving him a nice bit of money to finance a lads holiday.
So, looking like "The world's shittest boyband", the boys head off to sunny Malia (Mallorca doubling as the location) to get laid.
Anyone who has been to Ibiza, Malia or Magaluf will be familiar with how things work over there. Beautiful women offering you half price drinks and a free fishbowl if you come into their club, which, naturally, is 'the place to be' only for Will and the boys to find it completely empty.
Soon they meet four girls in the bar, who play their love interests. The film is basically a series of set pieces where the boys get themselves into hilarious situations.
Following Jay's advice that you can't just go up to a girl in a club and introduce yourself-you have to "Dance over near them, make the eyes, and get them to dance wiv' ya"- comes a dance scene so funny that you'll burst half the blood vessels in your face.

Crucially, the writers Iain Morris and Damon Beesley keep the gags coming thick and fast, without detracting from what made the tv series such a hit in the first place. The Inbetweeners, at its core, has always been about friendship despite Jay's outrageous lies and Neil's increasing stupidity. Just look at the panic on Jay's face when Simon mentions leaving for University soon- its the little things that make The Inbetweeners Movie great.
Some may say it is episodic and suffers from repetition but amidst the heavy drinking and vomit is a genuinely funny film most lads-and girls- in their mid twenties can relate to.
The film does borrow touches from other films- there's a Hangover-esque slow motion walk coming out of the lift at the airport, the boys all wearing 'Pussy Patrol' t-shirts complete with their nicknames on the back. Will has the worst name 'I touch kids' and Simon not much better off with 'Mr Rebound'.
Whereas perhaps the film doesn't hit the heights of the best bits in the tv series, the characters are so likeable and you know them so well that even when you're not laughing you're grinning and lamenting the end of a great tv show.
The final sequence, involving Simon about to do something horrendously stupid on a party boat, is painfully funny.
Ciao boys, you've taught us well. The most important lesson being that remember to bring your wellies- 'cause you'll be knee-deep in clunge.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆9/10

Eminem crowned King of Hip-Hop

2011-08-18T15:43:00.006+01:00

Rap star beats the likes of Jay-Z and Kanye West to be number one

Eminem has been named the King of Hip-Hop by Rolling Stone magazine, seeing off the likes of Drake, Lil Wayne and Jay-Z.
The magazine reached the decision after tallying up a whole range of statistics, including Facebook 'likes', digital sales, radio airplay and Youtube video hits.
Rolling Stone also looked at R&B and hip-hop chart placings, tour revenues, award show wins and reviews from a range of critics in order to name Eminem as their winner.
Eminem, real name Marshall Mathers, saw his latest album Recovery go platinum and become the first album to sell over 1 million digital copies. It also held the record for most digital albums sold, though that was later broken by Adele's 21.
Rolling Stone's Chris Molanphy wrote: "As recently as three years ago, Eminem winning a survey like this was unthinkable.
"His nearly half-decade hiatus from recording made any comeback unlikely, let alone one in which he took back the charts as if he'd never left."
The Love The Way You Like chart-topper came out on top with a score of 1, 169, while Lil Wayne came second with a respectable 1,134 points.
Rolling Stone charted Lady Gaga as the Queen of Pop, out of the female pop stars.

Henry Cavill as Superman revealed

2011-08-04T15:54:00.005+01:00

As shooting is finally underway, Warner Bros releases first image

Even though Man of Steel won't be out for another couple of years, we finally have a first look at Henry Cavill as Superman.
The British actor is shown in the image in front of a bank vault door of some kind, and as its pretty smashed up we can assume he's responsible for crumpling the steel as if it were paper.
His suit is a noticeably darker shade of blue and they have finally got rid of the red underpants- about time, its 2011 for god sake!
The \S/ on his chest seems rather big- a lot bigger than it was on Brandon Routh in Superman Returns.
Henry Cavill's hair needs sorting out too, but other than that its a promising image. Cavill carries the suit off with aplomb.
Superman: Man of Steel is out in June 2013, and stars Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Kevin Costner, Laurence Fishburne, Michael Shannon and Russell Crowe.

Why I Love True Blood

2011-08-02T22:00:00.004+01:00

The one show that doesn't pull its punches

In the wake of such tame portrayals of vampires, namely the kind which sparkle in the sunlight à la Twilight, it's brutally refreshing to watch a programme such as True Blood that packs a lot more bite into its dialogue and story.
Just when you think you have seen the most outrageous thing in one episode, the next one tops that moment ten fold.
Hardcore supernatural sex and stakes aside, True Blood tells the story of one feisty blonde Sookie Stackhouse, waitress and telepath with an affinity for the fang. Since the vampires 'came out of the coffin' and revealed themselves to the world there have been quite a few mysterious happenings in the sleepy town of the ironically named Bon Temps ('good times'), Louisiana.
Sookie's attraction to polite and courteous vampire Bill Compton (Essex boy Stephen Moyer) is the talk of the town- she is labelled a 'fangbanger'. But thanks to her uncanny ability to read the minds of the patrons in Merlotte's bar, where she works, she can give as good as she gets. Anna Paquin is perfect as Sookie, and Australian actor Ryan Kwanten, who people might remember as Vinny from Home and Away, plays her promiscuous and empty-headed brother Jason. Kwanten's Southern accent is flawless and he clearly enjoys playing a character that beds a woman in almost every episode.
Talking of sex, True Blood is utterly relentless. Every lead actor has gone full frontal so far, including Anna Paquin, as far removed from her role as Rogue in X-Men as possible.
One sex scene I guarantee you will never see in your lifetime is one between Bill and his maker Lorena. Bill actually twists her head around 180 degrees so she ends up facing away from him as he thrusts on top of her, back and forth. Its the most bizarre and primal sex scene you'll see and it really shows there are no depths the programme is not prepared to plumb.

There's also plenty for the ladies to enjoy too, namely in the form of Eric Northman, Sheriff of Area 5 in Louisiana, played by Alexander Skarsgard. The 6 ft 4 vampire provides many of the shows most graphically disturbing moments, say, when he rips the throat out of another vampire or human with his teeth. But he also has many of the best lines in the show too.
Now none of this would be possible without the books with which the show is based. The Sookie Stackhouse novels are narrated in first person, all from the view of Sookie. Whilst the first 3 books mainly involve the vampires, author Charlaine Harris slowly moves the focus away from the walking dead, to the shifters, werewolves, witches and fae, that is to say, fairies.
Truth be told, True Blood takes the best bit things about the novels, which can be tame and anti-climactic in parts. Take for example, the character of Lafayette Reynolds. He is the short order cook at Merlotte's Bar and Grill. Charlaine Harris kills him off at the beginning of the beginning of second novel, Living Dead in Dallas. But True Blood and Six Feet Under creator, writer, producer Alan Ball, famous for penning Oscar Winning film American Beauty, has created one of the best loved characters in the show. Played by Nelsan Ellis, Lafayette starts most his sentences with the word "hooker" or "bitch". His flamboyant sexuality and hilarious put-downs provide many of the shows laughs.

The narrative triumphs through simplicity. Since the vampires cannot be out and about during the day, True Blood will focus on the humans such as Jason or Sookie, or perhaps the weres. But as soon as the sun sets its over to the vampires. The result is that all the cast gets a fair amount of screen time. All episodes are between 50 mins to an hour long too- so the fact that there are only 12 episodes per season means little.
Currently in its 4th season, there are no signs of stopping. It is HBO's most watched programme since The Sopranos. The source novels provide plenty of material for Alan Ball et al to play with, despite the fact that they now share almost nothing in common apart from the characters' names.
The introduction of gorgeous baby vampire Jessica Hamby for instance, is entirely Ball's creation. And a good one at that.
So even if we have to endure the final Twilight film being split into two- an enitrely pointless exercise since the climax involves nothing more than polite conversation between the Cullens and the Volturi- its great to know there's True Blood to suck on in the mean time. Mine's a B Positive.
Fangtastic.

Mexico at 45 degrees

2011-07-24T15:59:00.012+01:00

Mexican food is a let-down but the sights and tequila more than make up for it

“Its been raining solidly all week” our holiday rep explains in broken English, greeting us before getting on the bus.
Not exactly a promising start to what I envisioned as a sun-kissed twelve days in Mexico, sipping Corona and shooting Tequilla.
“But you guys might be lucky, we are expecting it to get better from today onwards.”
Well I should hope so. The problem with the Caribbean is that if you go in June, July or August, you’re in the rainy season. So it’s a bit of gamble when it comes to the weather, which is a bit of a mixed bag. At this moment in time it was comfortably hot but this was soon to change.
The journey from Cancun airport to Tulum takes just over an hour and a half. We were to stay at the Gran Bahia Principe, a five-star all-inclusive hotel on the east coast of the Yuacatuan.
The coach trip was a tedious one. Just one straight highway running into the distance for what seems like an age, that is, until you reach the grandeur of the hotel.
Vast, six foot-high letters GRAN BAHIA PRINCIPE stand proud at the entrance to the grounds. Right on cue, as if our tour rep (who’d been trying to sell us ‘magic’ mosquito repelling bracelets for the duration of the journey) had cursed us, the heavens opened.
At this point our luggage had been unloaded from the coach, we’d checked in and got on to what can only be described as an elongated golf cart and set off to our rooms.
The Gran Bahia Principe is made up of little villas spread around the massive grounds. The reason for the golf cart-esque transport is that the hotel has an astonishing 2,700 rooms. So if you’re one of the unfortunate few whose room is located at the other end of the hotel grounds- away from the lobby, pool and other such amenities-you’re going to rely on the transportation to get you from one end to the other. Or walk 20 minutes in the searing heat. Fortunately for us, we were housed in villa 1, which was located within 30 seconds walking distance from the lobby, beach etc.

One of the main attractions of staying in this part of Mexico is the opportunity to see one of the ‘new 7 wonders of the world’; the pyramid at Chichen Itza. It a huge stone structure measuring 30 metres in height and angled at 45 degrees. The name translates to "The mouth of the well of the Itza".
Mayan in origin, it stands tall in the middle of a flat grass expanse surrounded by various other crumbling stone structures. The pyramid has steps on each face, though weathered by the years. At one point, you were permitted to climb up the steps but sadly that is no longer allowed. It’s actually ludicrous to think you were ever allowed to stomp up those steps in your Converse Allstars, ruining something that was built in 600AD. You might as well use The Mona Lisa as a table mat.
Annoyingly, we had a tour guide that had the habit of repeating himself several times when showing us around the pyramid and other ruins. This was made all the more frustrating when you’re standing in temperatures of 35 degrees plus. The small patches of shade underneath the trees provided some relief from the searing heat, but did little to deter me from the opinion that our guide suffered severe short term memory-loss.
The pyramid was not the only attraction at the ruins. The Great Ball Court is the largest ball court in ancient Mesoamerica. It measures 166 by 68 metres (545 × 223 ft). The imposing walls are 12 metres (39 ft) high, and in the center, high up on each of the long walls, are rings carved with intertwining serpents. According to our guide, the Mayans played a game a bit like basketball there, attempting to throw a ball though the stone rings attached to the walls…except they weren’t allowed to use their hands- only their shoulder, hips, torso and head. The word ‘impossible’ comes to mind here.

At the base of the high walls are slanted benches with sculpted panels of teams of ball players. One memorable picture is a carving of a player who has been decapitated and from the wound pours streams of blood which turn into serpents and wildflowers. Vivid, to say the least.
There were various other small ruins to look at in the area but once you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all really. It doesn’t help that on the way to some of the ruins you are accosted by people trying to flog their wares. Stalls line the paths on either side, displaying necklaces, wooden masks, clothing and other knick-knacks.
“Young sir, please come here, I give you good price, good price”
“I have beautiful jewellery, almost free almost free”
Almost free. It’s a phrase you hear almost everywhere there’s tat salespeople. As I experienced when I was in Bali a few years ago, these salespeople will say almost anything to get you to buy their goods. Can’t blame them really, but it gets wearing as you pass stall after stall with people trying to catch your eye and lead you over to the junk on display.
As fun as walking around all day looking at bits of crumbling stone masonry is, it did make a nice change to visit one of the many bustling towns the Yucatan peninsular had to offer.
Originally a small fishing town, Playa del Carmen is a laid-back tourist spot with streets lined with shops and stalls. Avenida Quinta or ‘Fifth Avenue’ is all pedestrian for 2 miles, completely free of cars. As you make your way along the avenue, you’ll walk past a dizzying array of bars, shops, restaurants and unenviable Mexicans dressed up as Mayan warriors, sweltering under layers of make-up and body-paint, beckoning you to have your picture taken with them.
Many of the bars are intricately decorated. One of them I walked past had dollar bills plastered over the walls and had swing seats instead of bar stools.

Almost all of them advertise ‘a bucket of beer’ and tacos for only a few dollars. Playa is definitely the best pub crawl location in the world, but you’d never make it to the end of the 2 miles without dying of alcohol poisoning.
Playa also has a ferry terminal which carries passengers over from the Island of Cozumel, a world-famous scuba diving location. It is thanks to the island of Cozumel that the beach at Playa is sheltered.
The water is turquoise in colour and when you’re standing on the beach in the sweltering heat, the wind ruffling your hair, you’re glad you’ve had an experience of the ‘real’ Mexico, making a nice change from the plastic resorts that line the coast of the Yucatan.
Now, since I have mentioned Mexican food, I’ll take the opportunity to express my disappointment with it. In any Mexican restaurant I’ve been to outside Mexico, the enchiladas are delicious, the nachos and cheese guiltily pleasurable and the tacos crispy and tasty.
However, I couldn’t comprehend how…bland the food was. The tacos weren’t crunchy at all. I don’t know, perhaps I was under the impression they were meant to have the crunchy texture of tacos you get in Taco Bell or any other faux Mexican food outlet. But the tacos I tasted in the hotel, in Playa, in Chichen Itza, were small floury wraps of some kind and tasted of sawdust. The beef filling lacked flavour, or perhaps the flavour was masked by the sawdust taste inherent in the wrap itself. It is a sad day indeed when I acknowledge that the popularized hard-shell taco so ubiquitous in America taste far better than the limp form you get in Mexico. I will point out however that the guacamole was tasty and went well with the nachos and melted cheese.

Culinary failings aside, the assortment of tequila available in shops is astonishing. They have every flavour you can think of, ranging from strawberry to coffee, to chilli- if you’re feeling brave. Scattered around our hotel were tables with bottles of tequila on, shot glasses, a tub of salt and a plate of limes. This being an all inclusive hotel, you don’t pay for anything, including drinks.
The strawberry tequila sitting on one of these tables in the bar area caught my eye, so I wandered over and poured myself a shot. It tasted pretty much how you’d expect it to taste- of tequila, with a strawberry aftertaste to it.
What I had noticed was that as soon as I started to pour myself another shot, I saw people sitting in the bar area all turning their heads to look at me. A thought occurred to me. Did they think the bottles were there for decoration or something? Despite the fact that the shot glasses and limes were displayed invitingly, teasingly in a manner to suggest that you can help yourself?
As soon as I’d had my fill of the spirit made from the blue agave plant and began to walk away, the sound of scraping chairs filled the air as people got up and almost ran to the table to start pouring themselves a glass of the stuff. Monkey see, monkey do.
It’s a shame there was a weight limit for my luggage. If I had no interest in silly essential items such as clothes, shoes and my razor, I would have emptied my suitcase and filled it with as many bottles of tequila as possible to take back with me.
Oh well.

Amy Winehouse dies

2011-07-23T17:35:00.017+01:00

Troubled singer Amy Winehouse has been found dead in her home in Camden, London.
In a statement, the Metropolitan Police said: "Police were called by London Ambulance Service to an address in Camden Square NW1 shortly before 16.05hrs today, Saturday 23 July, following reports of a woman found deceased."
"On arrival officers found the body of a female who was pronounced dead at the scene.
"Enquiries continue into the circumstances of the death. At this early stage it is being treated as unexplained."
The singer was 'beyond help' when the paramedics died, according to Sky News reports.
The Back to Black artist has struggled with drink and drugs for years, spending a lot of time in and out of rehab.
She was due to sing the James Bond theme for Quantum of Solace, but cited personal problems and dropped out.
Winehouse achieved critical acclaim with her debut album, Frank, in 2003, but it was 2006's Back to Black which shot her to stardom, winning five Grammy Awards.
Most recently she was booed whilst performing at a gig in Belgrade, where she appeared drunk and was slurring her words.
Winehouse is survived by her father, Mitchell, mother, Janis, and older brother, Alex.
She was 27 years old.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 review

2011-07-17T14:24:00.010+01:00

Daniel Radcliffe and Alan Rickman shine in the epic finale of JK Rowling's tale of the boy wizard

Major spoilers below

Its hard to review the 8th and final Harry Potter film without sounding like a complete and utter fanboy, but here it goes.
Being the shortest film of the lot, it had a lot of ground to cover. Harry, Ron and Hermione, fresh from their escape from Malfoy Manor, attempt to break into Gringott's to find another of Lord Voldemort's Horcruxes. Their break in and ensuing escape from the Lestrange's vault is gripping, made even more so by their sensational escape on the back of a dragon. This is where watching this film in 3D really pays off: watch as the dragon smashes its way out of the bank roof, its head flying right out of the screen and seemingly only inches away from your face.
A lot of pressure is put on Daniel Radcliffe here. Watson and Grint are almost relegated to bit-parts in this film, whilst Radcliffe has the burden of leading the two in their hunt for pieces of Voldemort's soul. Not only does he have a lot of screen-time, but has to portray a whole range of emotions without coming across as flat. Its a difficult part to play, since the character of Harry Potter in the books is that of a modest and reserved young man. But Radcliffe surpasses himself when it matters-more on that later.
What is different about DH part 2 is the shift from mystery-solving to a war setting. Voldemort, played to perfection by Ralph Fiennes, gathers his army of Death Eaters to launch an attack on the school, flanked by his second in command Bellatrix Lestrange (Helena Bonham Carter).
Director David Yates and his production team put together a magnificent Battle of Hogwarts- with Giants, Spiders and Death-Eaters alike joining in the battle against the students. Main characters are killed off unflinchingly, however it is a little disappointing to see the way they handled the death of Bellatrix at the hands of Molly 'not my daughter, you BITCH!' Weasley. As Mrs Weasley's curse hits Bellatrix, instead of falling to the floor dead she gets blasted into a million CGI ash-like pieces. A falling body would have been much more dramatic.

Likewise the death of Fred Weasley is shown off-screen, whereas there would have been more impact to actually see him get killed, even if we do see Ron crying over his brother's body.
However, where the emotional impact lacks in certain places, they are made up in droves later on. The Prince's Tale, or 'The Truth about Severus Snape' as I like to call it, is touching and well put together. Alan Rickman is the star here. Watch the lump in his throat and his sadness as he cradles the dead body of Lily Potter in his arms. A truly magnificent piece of acting in one of the most crucial moments in the film. Even the most stone-hearted of people will find it hard to not shed a tear for Snape.
Daniel Radcliffe, the poor boy, has faced a lot of criticism for his acting, even mentioning in a recent interview that he knows people are 'skeptical' of his acting skills. But as Helen O'Hara points out in the Empire review, Radcliffe is the best he has ever been when he steps into the Great Hall and sees the devastating human cost of his defiance of Voldemort, his eyes register one body blow, and another, and another as he sees dead and wounded friends.
The final duel between Harry and Voldemort is visually dazzling, even if it does take place in the deserted school courtyard instead of the Great Hall surrounded by all of the students and teachers like in the source material.
The musical score, composed by Alexandre Desplat, is noticeably absent during the final duel. This is a bold but highly effective move providing a more edge-of-your-seat experience, even if you do know who wins in the end.
As the film draws to a close we're left with the trio standing on the bridge to Hogwarts in the sunshine, a fitting end to the film. Unfortunately the Epilogue '19 years later' comes up to show the trio seeing their own children off on to the Hogwarts express.
Harry and Ginny are married, as are Ron and Hermione. Its very corny, but as the camera fades with the last shot of the film being Harry, Ron and Hermione, the tears start to flow in earnest.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆10/10

Harry Potter film round-up

2011-06-22T20:05:00.000+01:00

Warning: Major spoilers follow

To celebrate the release of the final film in the Harry Potter series- Deathly Hallows Part 2- i've compiled a summary of all the films, pointing out the good bits, the bad bits, and the downright cringe-worthy bits in each one.
Ten years, eight films and a total box office haul of a staggering $6.3 billion, the Harry Potter films have turned the tales of the boy wizard into an international phenomenon, or, as the trailers say 'the motion picture event of a generation'. Of course, JK Rowling deserves all the credit.
She perfectly captured her target audience of 11-18 year olds with seven novels filled with magic, action, love and humour. The films however, have had varying degrees of success.
Whilst none of them are truly 'bad', there are certain elements in each which set the critics off. 'Too long', 'poor acting from the three leads', 'no plot', are just some of the criticisms levelled at the series of films and while these sentiments cannot be denied, the overall effect is that of success.
Here we go then, starting at the top, all star ratings out of five:

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's* stone

Plot:Dark Wizard Lord Voldemort attempts to murder a one year old boy, but his curse rebounds and 'kills' him. 11 years later, Harry Potter finds out he is a wizard, and embarks on his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Best bits: Half-giant Hagrid smashing down the door of the hut and telling Harry he is a wizard. Seeing Quidditch for the first time.
Worst bits: The acting, overall, though Radcliffe, Watson and Grint can be forgiven since its their first one. But still...."Holy CRICKET, you're Harry Potter!" exclaims Hermione upon meeting Harry on the Hogwarts Express for the first time.
Holy SHIT that was cringe-worthy...
☆☆☆

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Plot:Back at Hogwarts for his second year, Harry starts to hear strange voices that no one else can hear. And when several students are found in a petrified state, Harry, Ron and Hermione set about solving the mystery surrounding the Chamber of Secrets, and the horror within.
Best bits: When Harry and his nemesis Draco Malfoy face off in Lockhart's Duelling club. The Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Slytherin is also rather exciting, especially since the CGI is a lot better this time round.
Worst Bits:The ending, when Harry says "There's no Hogwarts without you Hagrid," to the gamekeeper after his return from Azkaban. The Gryffindors start clapping, then the Hufflepuffs, then the Ravenclaws, and the suddenly the whole school erupts, children mobbing and patting and shaking hands with the giant.
Then the whole cinema audience vomits simultaneously.
Quite possibly the most cringe-worthy line in the entire series. How on earth did Dan Radcliffe and Robbie Coltrane keep straight faces while that was being said?!
☆☆☆☆

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Plot: Notorious mass-murderer Sirius Black has escaped the wizard prison Azkaban, and is after Harry. To give Hogwarts extra protection, the prison guards the Dementors take up residence around the school. But the soul-consuming dementors bring up the horrors of Harry's troubled past, affecting him in more ways than one...
Best bits: Professor Lupin (David Thewils) teaching Harry to fight Dementors is a definite highlight, as is when Harry finally conjures a corporeal Patronus to save Sirius's life from the Dementors.
Worst bits: "He was their FRIEND!", Harry yells. 'Nuff said.
☆☆☆☆

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Plot: The Triwizard tournament comes to Hogwarts, as does a selection of students from two foreign wizarding schools, Beauxbatons Academy and Durmstrang Institute. The Goblet of Fire chooses Harry as one of the school champions, despite not having entered the tournament. Harry has to fight his way through three dangerous tasks, but little does he know he's being led straight to Voldemort.
Best Bits: The re-birth of Lord Voldemort is chilling and delightfully dark. The duel between Potter and the Dark Lord is also fantastic, showcasing some fantastic special effects. The death of Cedric Diggory is also portayed unflinchingly, signalling the series' foray into 'darker' territory.
Brendan Gleeson as Mad Eye Moody is an example of perfect casting for the role.
Worst bits: Miranda Richardson's appearance as Rita Skeeter is largely surplus to requirements, and Dumbledore grabbing Harry by the scruff of the neck and pinning him up against the wall whilst yelling "DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE? DID YOU?" is as far removed from the headmaster's character as humanly possible. Director Mike Newell should shoulder the blame for this.
☆☆☆☆

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Plot:The Ministry of Magic is pushing through Education reform at Hogwarts, with Senior Undersecretary Dolores Umbridge cracking her wand at all she deems is wrong with the school. Cue Harry and his friends start up an anti-Umbridge association- Dumbledore's army.
Best Bits: There are so many. The musical score is excellent. Harry teaching his friends how to fight. Dumbledore eluding capture from Umbridge, Fudge and Kingsley. The battle in the Department of Mysteries. The arrival of Bellatrix Lestrange, played to evil perfection by Helena Bonham-Carter. Dumbledore and Voldemort's duel.
Worst Bits: Having Grawp introduced in the film is really overkill and it did nothing but ruin the pacing of what is otherwise one of the best Potter films of the lot.
☆☆☆☆☆

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Plot:Death Eaters are causing havoc and people are mysteriously dying everywhere, including muggles. Harry on the other hand, becomes obsessed with a battered old copy of a potion book, which has notes in the margins from somebody called the Half Blood Prince. Meanwhile, Ron gets some action and Hermione goes green with envy.
Best Bits:The fight between Harry and Malfoy is pretty cool. But it has to be Dumbledore's death that takes the crown for best bit. David Yates knows how to pull at the heartstrings of those who are watching, the music builds to such a crescendo that even the most iron-hearted will be unable to hold back the tears as the students raise their wands in memory of the late headmaster.
Worst bits:The Half-Blood Prince plot is really pushed aside in favour of raging hormones, giving Snape little to do but blast Dumbledore off the Astronomy Tower at the end.
☆☆☆

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1

Plot: Harry and his friends are on the hunt for Voldemort's horcruxes, objects that tie Voldemort to Immortality. Only when they have destroyed them can he be defeated once and for all.
Best Bits: Harry and the Order of the Phoenix being chased by Death Eaters, and eventually by You-Know-Who across the skies. Harry, Ron and Hermione infiltrating the Ministry of Magic under the influence of Polyjuice potion- its tense, funny and well shot. The Tale of the Three Brothers is shown as an animated short, with voice-over from Emma Watson- looks incredible, exceptionally well done.
Worst Bits:Harry and Hermione dancing in the tent after Ron leaves left many Potter geeks fuming. There was nothing wrong with this scene, Harry was just trying to cheer his best mate up. The worst bit about it was Daniel Radcliffe's dancing. Dear Lord.
☆☆☆☆☆

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

Plot:Well it hasn't even been released yet, but its pretty much going to be an all out-action fest, according to the directors and cast. Harry, Ron and Hermione, after a brief rest at Shell Cottage, will be breaking into Gringotts and Bellatrix Lestrange's bank vault. Escaping however, will be another matter.
Then its the Battle of Hogwarts and the final confrontation between the Heir of Slytherin and the Boy Who Lived. There will be many, many deaths, including some of the series' best-loved characters.
Best Bits:Escaping Gringotts on the back of a dragon is surely going to be a massive highlight. We've already seen the dragon in the trailer, and the CGI looks top-notch.
The Battle of Hogwarts, from what footage we've seen, looks amazing. Explosions, people running for their lives, duels between students and Death Eaters- its all here. And according to the producers, the best line in the book, delivered by a furious Molly Weasley, is in there. "NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!", followed by her duel with Bellatrix.
The shocking truth about Severus Snape.
And of course- Potter Vs Riddle, one on one!
Worst Bits:The critics will no doubt say 'there is no plot'. Well of course there isn't, its the final battle, the second half of the film!
Many fans are apoplectic at the fact that the final duel between Potter and Voldy takes place out in the courtyard, rather than in the Great Hall surrounded by the students and teachers of the school. And I for one, agree. But who knows, cinematically, this may be the right decision.
☆☆☆☆☆?

And so there it is. Everyone is counting down the days till Part 2's release. this really will be the last of Potter we'll see on screen for another fifty years or so- until the films are re-made.
All together now, "Accio July!" *Cringe*

*I refuse to bastardize the name "Philosopher's" and change it to "Sorcerer's" for the sake of you illiterate Americans

The Hangover 2 review

2011-06-12T17:36:00.011+01:00

A carbon copy of part 1...but that's not necessarily a bad thing, unless you wake up with a tattoo on your face

They had the opportunity to build on the well-deserved success of part 1...but they didn't. They had the chance to think of a totally new concept...but thought better of it. Instead, they went down the path of 'if it aint broke don't try to fix it'. And that pretty much sums up The Hangover 2.
The film starts with Phil on the phone: "We fucked up".
Sound familiar?
Much like the first film, Stu, Phil and Alan wake up in a hotel room with no memory of the night before. So the film follows them as they try to piece together what happened on a night of drinking and debauchery. Except Las Vegas is now Bangkok, and instead of a tiger we have a monkey.
What is great about this second outing from Old School director Todd Phillips, is the setting. The Hangover 2's move to Thailand benefits the film in many ways. Stu is getting married to a Thai woman called Lauren (Jamie Chung) and is convinced by Phil and Alan to have a quiet beer on a beach with Lauren's sixteen year-old brother Teddy before going to bed. No, I don't want a stag do, says Stu: "I'm still trying to piece my head back together after last time."
Of course, nothing works out the way he wants it to.
Next thing you know, they're waking up in some shitty hotel room in the middle of the city. Stu (Ed Helms) wakes up in a bathtub with a Mike Tyson-esque tattoo on his face, Alan (Zach Galifianakis) has had his head shaved and Phil (Bradley Cooper, complete with aviators) is speechless that this could have happened to them again. Mysteriously, Lauren's brother Teddy is missing.

Same set-up as when they were in Las Vegas, but the streets of Bangkok are an unpredictable and unsettling place. They have no idea where Teddy could be (no, he isn't on the roof, they've checked) so they start to re-trace their steps, complete with a monkey in tow.
Alan's behaviour gets plenty of laughs, as does a rather startling reveal about what Stu got up to with a stripper. Not the normal type of stripper, mind you. Clue: This one is equipped with something about 4 inches long and has a 'happy ending'.
Mr Chow (Ken Jeong) makes a return, after almost stealing the first film with a brief appearance, however, this time round his presence starts to grate. He is no longer funny, since we're familiar with his sctick, calling them 'gay boys' and such like. But it never gets boring, as the trio get thrust into even more ridiculous situations than last time.
But as their antics reach a climax and the film nears it end you can't help but feel they didn't need to consciously repeat part 1 verbatim. It definitely won't be acceptable to see the same plot re-hashed for Part 3. And yes, part 3 will go ahead, according to Galifianakis. Todd Phillips said he's open to 'ideas' about where part 3 will take place. Amsterdam perhaps? Because The Hangover 2 isn't as funny as what happened in Vegas, but it's still worth the ride.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆7/10

X-Men: First Class review

2011-06-05T20:05:00.010+01:00

James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender shine in a film that's better than the last four X-men films put together

After the critically mauled X-Men Origins: Wolverine, the stakes were high for First Class to deliver the X-Men film everyone was waiting for. Luckily, director Matthew Vaughn manages to tick most, if not all the boxes required for a mutant face-off extravaganza.
This one is set in 1962 amidst the Cold War and Cuban Missile crisis. This in itself is a master stroke, since it takes care of the plot. All that's needed then, is two actors with enough gravitas to play Erik Lehnsherr (Michael Fassbender) and Professor Charles Xavier (James McAvoy).
Both actors are terrific as they play Magneto and Professor X respectively. There are many touching moments as they build their friendship and band together to take on Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon), who murdered Lehnsherr's mother when he was a child. Lehnsherr is out for revenge but Xavier tries to calm his rage before he razes a ship to the ground (which he does!).
Oddly, considering its 2011, the CGI is ropey in places, especially at the beginning, but perhaps they were saving the budget for the big showdown at the end, as the X-men intervene in the Cuban Missile crisis showdown.
Somehow the script manages to accommodate the large cast, without suffering from 'too many villains syndrome' that destroyed Spiderman 3. We have Mystique, The Beast (who looks 'fucking ridiculous' according to my good friend Alex who I had the pleasure of seeing this with), a girl who has wings like a dragon fly, a cocky young buck who can shoot fire from his chest and a shy curly haired young man who can shatter glass with his supersonic abilities.
The funny thing is, the film never feels bogged down by these characters, instead, we as an audience are thoroughly entertained.

We're treated to powers galore. Watching Lehnsherr use his ability to control metal never gets old. One scene where he tears the metal fillings from a man's teeth by using his powers is brilliant to watch, as is when he pins a man's hand to a table with a knife. Michael Fassbender is effortlessly cool as Magneto, matched only by the suave and sophisticated McAvoy who portrays Xavier.
January Jones is majestic as Sebastian Shaw's right hand woman Emma Frost and is rather lovely to look at too.
There are negatives. As good as Fassbender is in this film, bizarrely his accent switches from posh toff to Irish for the last 20 minutes. Why? No idea. It's very jarring for those who are paying attention and makes no sense at all.
But overall Matthew Vaughn, re-teaming with his Kick-Ass scribe Jane Goldman, has delivered an entertaining X-men film, which was badly needed after the mess of the last two.
Perhaps it could have been more of a character-driven film, exploring the relationship between Magneto and Xavier more, but this is not the type of film people want to see. X-Men films have mutants in them for God's sake, people with powers. And XM:FC delivers a riveting mix of action, humour and nuance with flair.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆9/10

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trailer revealed

2011-05-29T17:27:00.010+01:00

Fincher's re-make of the Swedish crime thriller starring Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara

The trailer for David Fincher's The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo has hit the web at last, featuring an unrecognisable Rooney Mara as the asocial computer hacker Lisbeth Salander and an ageing Daniel Craig as journalist Mikael Blomkvist.
It's baffling to consider why a re-make was needed in the first place, since the Swedish version, directed by Niels Oplev, is an excellent adaptation of Stieg Larsson's first novel in the Dragon Tattoo trilogy.
However, reaching a wider audience- those of us who aren't into watching subtitled foreign cinema- will line the pockets of studio execs. And from the looks of this trailer, Fincher knows what he's doing.
No matter how good the Swedish version was, there were a few pacing issues towards the end, so it will be interesting to see how diferently Fincher will shoot this version.
Daniel Craig looks very suited to the role of journalist Blomkvist, a man who's life took a turn for the worst when he published libellous news about a corrupt financier in his magazine. But when he is offered a considerable amount of money and a chance to win his integrity back by investigating the disappearance of a girl forty years previously, he enlists the help of Lisbeth Salander, an anorexic-looking social reject with a dragon tattoo on her back. Its doubtful Rooney Mara will be able to out-perform Noomi Rapace as Salander, but we'll soon see.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is released on December 21 2011.

Hanna review

2011-05-15T17:16:00.015+01:00

Neck goes snap

Saoirse Ronan is one of the most sought-after actresses in Hollywood right now, and, thanks to director Joe Wright, she has been given a role to showcase her full range of skills as a 16 year-old crack assassin.
British director Joe Wright, who has risen through the ranks thanks to 2005's Pride and Prejudice, Atonement and The Soloist. They have all been very different films, though Hanna is something he has never tackled before: action. But its encouraging to see he can pull it off with aplomb.
As for Hanna herself, she is a very special girl. She has been trained by her father (Eric Bana) to be a crack assassin, in a snow-covered forest environment high in the mountains. But soon she is on the run from the CIA, in the form of Marissa (Cate Blanchett), the very person who knows who or what she is.
After a bit of father-daughter exposition scenes in the forest, things set off at a cracking pace as we see Hanna escape from a CIA base in the middle of the desert. Cue snapped necks and shots to the head for any poor guard who stands in her way. It's Ronan's dead eyed stare that turns your blood cold that makes an absurd concept seem totally believable.
Soon after escaping, our titular hero meets an English family travelling the world and ends up striking up a friendship with an English girl. Although these scenes are mostly played for laughs, they highlight the void in Hanna's life. She has never experienced what family life is like.
One of the biggest laughs comes when she is eating dinner in Morocco with the family and is asked where her parents are.
"My mother is dead"
"Oh i'm sorry to hear that, i lost my mother too when i was young," says the father.
"Don't be sorry" Hanna replies.
"How did she die?" the mother asks Hanna.
"Three bullets".

Ah yes. We're thrown a bit of backstory, where we see a flashback to when CIA agent Marissa guns down Hanna's mother- whilst her father carrying the then baby Hanna-escapes. Cate Blanchett plays Marissa to evil perfection, quite literally. Everything from the strong, measured Texas accent, to her steely glare. The film makes it clear that this woman is a perfectionst. Watch the close-up shots of Marissa flossing and brushing her teeth- this is a very determined woman.
Eric Bana's character, ahem, Eric, isn't as fleshed out as Blanchett's but he does enough to make his role believable as Hanna's father. And it is poor Bana who has to put up with director Joe Wright's trademark long tracking shot.
First seen in Atonement, Wright used a 5 minute tracking shot showing the troops on Dunkirk beach in one long take.
And in Hanna, it is Eric Bana who walks through the U-Bahn, across the street, down the escalator and into the underground before meeting some hapless CIA goons for a punch-up. This is an 8 minute sequence and Wright captures it all in one shot. Lord knows how many times they had to shoot this, since the shot ends with Eric fighting the CIA men, which obviously had to be carefully choreographed.
The fact that Hanna is on the run allows the film to globe-trott from Morocco to Europe, accompanied by a frenzied yet brilliant score from British electronica duo The Chemical Brothers. Since Hanna spends a good portion of the film in Europe, The Chemical Brothers' score fits in perfectly with the graffiti-strewn walls of Berlin and the thumping action sequences. It was a brave move to have such a score, though the re-make of the film Tron utilised the skills of Daft Punk, so it is not unheard of to go for something different.
It is hard to pick a falling point in a film both Joe Wright and Saoirse Ronan completely nail. Some may say the pacing is a bit messy when Hanna is travelling with the English family, experiencing things in life she has missed, such as her first kiss (nearly!).
But overall Hanna is a totally enjoyable action romp for those who like their Bourne films, action and a bit of heart, thanks to a director and young actress both at the top of their game.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆9/10

Smallville finale review

2011-05-15T08:44:00.011+01:00

Ten years of brilliant, great, and downright appalling episodes lead to this one....was it worth the wait?

Major Spoilers below. Piss off if you haven't seen it.

Let's be totally honest. Smallville has been one of the most inconsistent TV shows out there.
It started off extremely well, as we saw Clark Kent (Tom Welling), a shy, nerdy farm boy who's pining after the girl-next-door Lana Lang (Kristin Kreuk) became the focal point of the series. Luckily, thanks to some brilliant casting and good writing, the show went from strength to strength, that is, until somewhere around season 5.
We had Lex Luthor, played to evil perfection to Michael Rosenbaum, and the introduction of Lois Lane, a part Erica Durance seems to be born to play.
After a few shaky seasons (5-8) Season 9 brought us Zod, and a fantastic season finale. So season 10 had a lot to live up to. The problem was, despite the introduction of Darkseid as a villain, we never really got to see much of him. He was just referred to as 'The Darkness', and never appeared as a tangible form until the finale. Still, the finale of Smallville, 10 years in the making, was pretty fucking amazing.
It was all the Superman fans out there could have asked for. After years of hearing 'no flights, no tights' from the producers of the show, we finally see Clark embrace his destiny and take to the skies. The way in which it was executed was touching too. Clark had a flashback to all his memories of his time on earth, and we were treated to all the best moments we've had on the show, such as Clark catching a car, leaping a building in a single bound, saving Lana from a fire, his gargantuan fight with Zod, etc etc. Even if it did seem a bit easy just to fly straight through Darkseid and turn him into dust, it didn't matter.

Clark finally makes it to the fortress and gets given the suit by Jonathan Kent. It is a moment that makes your hair stand on end, as Clark takes to the skies to save a plane with Lois on from crashing.
Michael Rosenbaum's scene with Tom Welling was excellent too. You'd never known he'd left. The problem was, it really reminded you what the show has been missing over the past few years in Lex's absence.
Tess's death was not unexpected. Her scene with Lex was taught with emotion and she truly died a martyr. Even if her last act was to wipe Lex's memories, it was necessary. How could Lex Luthor be Superman's nemesis if he knows his secret identity? A swift move by the writers.
But best of all, was the final three minutes. Apart from being an emotional moment knowing that this was the last you'll see of Smallville, we finally see Clark become Superman. Clark is seen stumbling around the Daily Planet, knocking into people and apologising in true Christopher Reeve style. Someone in the Daily Planet shouts that there is a bomb in an elevator up town. Clark gives one look at Lois, and tells her he'll be a few minutes late for their wedding (yes, this is seven years later and they STILL haven't got married!)
Then the John Williams Superman theme kicks in and Clark is running across the roof in slow-motion, throwing his glasses off and tearing his shirt open to reveal the suit beneath, before running into the camera (much like Reeve did in Superman I) with the theme music blaring.
An amazing send-off for an amazing show. I'd like to thank Tom Welling for sticking around all this time and turning in great performances over the years because truly, it could not have been done without him.

Crysis 2 review

2011-05-02T12:19:00.015+01:00

Postmodern warefare in a Nanosuit

After the release of a new Call of Duty each year, which, lets face it, only really gets a lick of paint each time, its refreshing to play a game that is a completely new breathtaking experience.
The year is 2024 and Crysis 2 is set in New York City, under siege from all angles. The military and private security firm Crynet are at loggerheads, resulting in martial law. An alien invasion doesn't help matters either.
And you play the part of a marine called Alcatraz, who arrives amidst all the chaos, sporting the game's piece de resistance, the Nanosuit- and its this suit that is the driving force of the game.
The Nanosuit gives you three special abilities. Strength- which increases your jump height, running speed, and ability to kick cars and send them spinning across the road like they are footballs. Stealth- which makes you invisible, and armour, which turns you into a walking tank.
But using any one of these abilities drains your suit energy, so the trick is to find ways of combining your powers and adapt them to different situations.
For example, you could just go invisible for short periods, sneaking up on each enemy and murdering them one at a time. Or you could go in all guns blazing, cranking up you armour and shoot your way through as the enemies' bullets bounce off you.
Its these situations that make the game so fun to play. And the Nanosuit is completely upgradable. All you have to do is hit the SELECT button and use your suit's fingertips to navigate through the various options, such as increasing how fast your suit charges up and the strength of your armour.

At times, the Nanosuit will alert you to various tactical options available to each scenario. This comes in useful when you happen to be standing on a skyscraper looking down on to the street level which is being patrolled by Crynet goons. Using your visor, you can 'tag' enemies, weapon caches or scout for more vantage points.
Unlike most first person shooters, the levels in Campaign mode are as tall as they are wide. There is almost always an option of going up and over rather than through.
Visually, the game looks fantastic. Crysis 2 was boasting that it is the 'best looking game on console'- and they're not wrong. The lighting in particular is spectacular- it cascades over buildings, through the branches of trees and reflecting off the Hudson river.
Its not all great though. The enemy AI is erratic. A few times you'll come across enemies/aliens who are walking into walls or running in circles. But at other times you'll be surprised at how clever they are. Say you pick off a few of their men and they notice, they'll immediately send a flare into the sky calling for back up. Then its time to run!
The multiplayer is a mixed bag. Its great fun to play for a while, but since everyone has access to the nanosuit's abilities, the 100th time someone shimmers into the visible spectrum after gunning you down does get tiresome. That is, until you do the same to them.
Much like Call of Duty, you can customize your weapon sets and suit upgrades ( perks anyone?). But its hard to blame the developers for copying COD, since every shooter these days does.
Overall, Crysis 2 is an exceptionally well-made and fun game to play for those of us who have tired of Black Ops. The campaign mode, whilst only 11 hours long, is a unique experience and the multiplayer offers a lot of replay value.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆9/10

Tarantino's new film project revealed

2011-05-01T21:09:00.007+01:00

Respected auteur will be making a Spaghetti western

Quentin Tarantino's new film will be a Western, due to start shooting this year, called Django Unchained.
Rumours have been flying around for a while now, but it seems things will be moving along at quite a pace now, since he will start shooting in autumn.
Although there are no plot details confirmed as of yet, Django Unchained will most likely riff (steal ideas) from Sergio Corbucci's 1966 Spaghetti Western Django, which saw a gunslinger go through seven shades of hell.
Reports also say that Tarantino will once again be teaming up with Christoph Waltz, who played the Jew Hunter in the excellent Inglourious Basterds.
What is slightly irritating however, is that QT has seemed to have got into the habit of homaging other films, rather than making original ones, such as Basterds.
Kill Bill 2 in particular referenced Spaghetti Westerns at various points. The Bride's escape from being buried alive under the grave of Paula Schultz is almost a take for take re-enactment of the 1966 film Se Sei Vivo Spara (Django Kill, if You Live, Shoot!) in which 'The Stranger' escapes from a grave.
Anyway, it will put a smile on many Tarantino aficionados' faces to know that a new QT film will be in cinemas everywhere at some point next year.

Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3DS gets release date

2011-04-13T15:18:00.005+01:00

The game everyone has been waiting for gets summer release

One of the greatest games of all time has finally got a release date on the Nintendo 3DS.
Zelda:Ocarina of Time 3DS will ship to US shores on June 19, with Europe receiving it two days earlier on the 17th.
What's even more thrilling is the fact that Nintendo President Satoru Iwata has whetted the appetite of Nintendo fans by claiming that Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3DS will be packed with features that weren't in the original. But we won't know what those are until closer to the release date.
In addition, this version of the game will also include the rearranged Master Quest, with tougher dungeons, for insane people who didn't find the Water Temple tricky enough the first time round.
The portable, reworked version of the 1998 Nintendo 64 classic is sure to push up Nintendo 3DS sales alarmingly, since there was a lack of stand out games amongst the consoles launch titles when the 3DS was released in March. Many fans will by the 3DS just for this game, me included.
In terms of sales, the hand-held sold 303,000 units during its first two days on sale, and in the UK an extra 110,000 units were sold, making it the most successful hardware launch in the country to date.

Katy B: a breath of fresh air

2011-04-09T20:46:00.006+01:00

London-born singer's new album offers something different

Katy B's new album 'On a Mission' is a great listen.
Kathleen Brien, born in Peckham, London, did a Popular Music degree at Goldsmiths before launching into the Dubstep/House/RnB/Funky/DnB/Garage stratosphere with her new album On a Mission.
What's so refreshing about OAM is the sheer variety. No two tracks sound the same. OAM effortlessly covers a wide range of musical genres.
For example, the track Lights On, featuring Ms Dynamite (the one slip-up on the album is allowing her to 'rap' on this track) is rooted in RnB, compared to the grimey garage-y Katy On a Mission, which wouldn't sound out of place on the soundtrack to the Kidulthood and Adulthood films. Both songs have been released as singles and both have been in the top 10 of the charts, the latter even reaching number 1 on the UK Dance Chart.
Other stand-out tracks include the laid-back sounding Why You Always Here and Broken Record, which really showcases Katy's vocal range as she hits those high notes.
As the Guardian review of her album accurately observes, OAM reflects Katy's love for the clubbing scene and falling in love and the comedowns in their wake.
Essex girl Jessie J will probably sell more albums than Katy, thanks to the broad poppy appeal of her music, but Katy B's record is vastly superior.
OAM finishes with a soothing funk track called Hard to Get. And it is toward the end of it Katy takes the time to thank all the people who helped her with the album, which is nice, instead of reading it on the inside of the album cover (do people still buy albums in physical form?).
Katy B is a great singer, so hopefully we'll hear more music from her, since OAM is definitely a mission accomplished with flair and individual talent.

Deathly Hallows Part 2 teaser trailer revealed

2011-03-19T12:53:00.006Z

New footage from the Potter finale all muggles have been waiting for

Warning: Spoilers follow

The teaser trailer for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 has hit the net at last, complete with comments from Daniel Radcliffe, David Yates and David Heyman, the director and producer respectively.
You can watch the trailer here.
The trailer includes footage from the battle of Hogwarts, as the students and teachers do battle with Voldemort and his Death Eaters, and Ron crouching by the side of the dead body of his brother Fred.
The film-makers are being very vocal that part 2 is the 'biggest emotional climax you could wish for', accompanied with almost non-stop action as Harry, Ron and Hermione attempt to destroy the last of the remaining Horcruxes, the key to Lord Voldemort's soul.
In addition, we also see Snape standing outside the Potters' house, hinting that one of the most important chapters in JK Rowling's source text-The Prince's Tale- has been faithfully adhered to.
Part 1 of Deathly Hallows grossed a worldwide total of $951,986,666 (£586,614,183.59), making it the 10th highest grossing film of all time.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 is released July 15.

I Am Number Four review

2011-03-13T14:14:00.011Z

They get killed in sequence, you see

Alex Pettyfer, all stubble and six pack, steps into the role of an alien life-form as one of the last survivors of his ancient race. Oh yes, his role this time round requires a lot more acting chops than needed for Stormbreaker.
I Am Number Four sees Pettyfer as John Smith, who moves from place to place on earth, hiding from a race of big bad aliens called Mogadorians, who would like nothing more than to vaporize him with one of their big silver guns before he develops special powers.
His guardian, Henri (Timothy Olyphant) tries his best to keep John out of trouble by moving them from town to town and telling him to 'keep his head down' and 'blend in'. The problem is, John has already started exhibiting his special abilities, which start out as bright blue lights that flood out of his hands, which then move on to telekinesis and super-strength.
So trying to keep a low profile at school becomes an immediate problem, especially after catching the attention of the school bullies and keen photographer Sarah (Dianne Argon, Heroes, Glee).
Twilight comparisons are justified, since Sarah doesn't know that John is an alien, but is interested in his rugged good looks and reserved manner. Cue long stares and awkward moments, the romantic overtones slowing the pace of the film until about the half way point. But the script is solid, Smallville writers/creators Alfred Gough and Miles Miller imbuing the dialogue with bits of humour and character development (apart from Henri, who we never really know much about).

The film really kicks into gear once Number Six turns up to help John fight off the Magdorians. A feisty blonde kitted out in leathers, Teresa Palmer makes an extremely positive impact on the film, as she throws her considerable abilities into the mix.
To this end, the fight sequences are exciting and enthralling. The CGI is flawless, as it would have to be when transforming a cute dog into a twelve foot snarling beast (don't ask). Pettyfer and Palmer really do give it their all as they dash through the school corridors and across the playing field, fending off blasts of gunfire with their alien telekinesis, for want of a better word.
The Mogadorians on the other hand, are not the most convincing of villains. They come across as hammy Bond villains, almost in complete parody of themselves. At least the vampire-villains in Twilight took themselves seriously.
Alex Pettyfer has really developed as an actor, showcasing a nearly faultless American accent and believability. The days of Stormbreaker are but a distant memory. And Dianne Argon is probably the most beautiful girl on earth. Oh, and she can act quite well too.
Director DJ Caruso can hardly be faulted. The last 40 minutes are quite literally spectacular, and it would be foolish for him not to direct a sequel.
Ah yes, the ending is definitely left wide open for more tussles between the alien races. I Am Number Four is the first of a proposed six-book series of novels, by Pittacus Lore.
The next book is due for release in August 2011, so if Dreamworks Pictures buy the rights for it, this could really be the start of a big franchise.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆8/10

Anarchy is rife in Football

2011-03-06T12:04:00.007Z

Footballers shooting people, referees coming under constant verbal attack and blatant off the ball challenges: its like the final days of Rome

Recent antics in premier league football has made the beautiful game turn into a bad day in Bosnia.
To even think a gun was allowed on to a training ground beggars belief, but not so much as a player shooting someone with it.
Ashley Cole, just after he's managed to keep his nose clean since having an affair, was 'larking around' with a .22 air rifle on Chelsea's Cobam's training ground, eventually shooting a work placement student in the side. He somehow has escaped with little punishment (docked two weeks wages, a mere £220,000 he won't even notice is missing).
Where are the rules all of a sudden? The FA should utilise common sense rather than turning a blind eye, as they did when Wayne Rooney elbowed Wigan's James McCarthy in the face.
The referee, Mark Clattenburg, dealt with the incident by simply giving the Manchester United striker a yellow card. To this end, Rooney cannot be punished since the ref dealt with the incident during the game. The Liverpudlian was extremely lucky not to have been given a red card and a three-match ban. Karma has a way at getting back at people though.
Wayne Rooney was livid at being routinely fouled by Chelsea's David Luiz during the crunch-clash at Stamford Bridge on March 1. However, the Brazilian somehow escaped being penalised, much to Ferguson's chagrin. Chelsea were later rewarded a penalty after Chelsea's Yuri Zhirkov ran into Chris Smalling. Lampard smashed the penalty into the roof of the net and Chelsea won 2-1.

Alex Ferguson had a lot to say about the match, in particular questioning the decisions of referee Martin Atkinson. Ferguson appeared to question Atkinson's integrity when he claimed "in matches like this you want a fair referee" in the post-match interview on MUTV.
The United boss went on to explain he had "feared the worst" when he heard Atkinson would be overseeing the game. Chelsea won the corresponding fixture last season with a controversial John Terry goal, again refereed by Atkinson. Ferguson is facing sanctions and perhaps will learn to hold his tongue next time.
But its not just English football that's turning into Fight Club. In the SPL match between the Old Firm's Rangers and Celtic, El-Hadji Diouf, in a moment of madness, body-checked the Celtic physio as he ran on to the pitch. And it wasn't just the players misbehaving.
There was a touchline scuffle between the Celtic manager, Neil Lennon, and the Rangers assistant manager, Ally McCoist. Both will surely face sanctions from the Scottish FA.
Football has always existed in its own bubble, a Truman Show-esque world exempt from reality. The ridiculous wages, the lifestyle of its players, the terrifying passions and emotional temperatures that surround the big derby games. But that doesn't mean the players, and even managers can act like thugs.
Rooney could have shattered McCarthy's jaw with his off-the-ball challenge. And for those who say it was not on purpose: how many footballers run around the pitch with their elbows held at head-height?
Well, one clearly.

True Grit review

2011-02-15T17:45:00.013Z

Jeff Bridges as Reuben 'Rooster' Cogburn slurs, swears and stumbles his way through the wilderness in this Coen Brothers remake

The original True Grit, made in 1969, was not a good film. Yes, it did launch John Wayne to an Oscar for Best Actor, but other supporting actors were poor and the whole thing is now seen as a parody rather than setting a benchmark for Westerns today.
However, the Coen brothers' effort, based on the book by Charles Portis of the same name, succeeds where the original failed, and Jeff Bridges essentially carries the film forward and is what makes it such a joy to watch.
True Grit tells the story of a young girl called Mattie Ross (newcomer Hailee Steinfeld), who enlists the help of a bonded US Marshall (Bridges) to track down her father's killer, a man who goes by many names, but is known to her as Tom Chaney (Josh Brolin).
Mattie spends the first half hour of the film trying to convince Rooster to help her, and eventually manages to talk him into taking her with him. Unfortunately, it is this bit of the film that has pacing issues, which is a shame since it moves forward quite spectacularly from then on. Not the best of starts.
Mattie soon meets Texas Ranger La Beouf (pronounced La Beef) who has his own reasons for wanting to apprehend Chaney.
He's a despicable character- when Mattie wakes up in her bed one morning to find him sitting in a chair staring at her, La Beouf admits he contemplated stealing a kiss whilst she was asleep, before realising that she was possibly a bit young for him, and ugly to boot.

Its wonderful to see Damon playing such a character. He has had a very busy couple of years that man, starring in Inside Job, Hereafter, The Adjustment Bureau, Contagion and Margaret- all in the space of just over a year. His work-rate is tremendous, and although he has been juggling many projects, his performance is always excellent.
But enough of Mr Universe- this is Steinfeld's film. Whilst she may come across as demanding and arrogant, we soon sympathise with her plight. So desperate is she to find her father's murderer, despite not being wanted by Rooster or La Beouf, she follows them on horseback out of town and plunges her horse into a river and struggles across to get to them. Its an emotional moment, and it creates a bond between her and Bridges' Rooster.
Ah, Bridges, he makes this film. At times it is hard to hear what he is saying, as he mumbles into his beard a lot and his accent doesn't help, but his actions are hilarious and his stout heart and calculating mind provide many laugh-out-loud moments.
Cinematographer Roger Deakins shoots a beautiful film, complete with cross fades and beautiful panoramas of the starry skies, and snow.
The problem is, the film ends quite abruptly. Just as you are hankering for some more, its all over, much too quickly. Its a two hour film, not short by any standards, but the time flies by and some might find the ending unsatisfactory, as voice-over fills the void when you just want to see more of what happened to Rooster and Mattie.
Hailee Steinfeld is excellent as Mattie, absolutely terrific. She carries herself with the grace of someone well beyond her years and considering the fact this is her first feature film, its safe to say she has a successful career ahead of her. Its thanks to her responses that we actually get the gist of what the hell Rooster is mumbling about half the time.
True Grit is exceptionally acted, scripted, shot (but not paced) and has a lot of heart. If only Jeff Bridges could articulate more clearly, then this film would earn an extra star.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆8/10

Lex Luthor returns for Smallville season finale

2011-02-12T20:31:00.006Z

Michael Rosenbaum will return in the final episode of Smallville as Clark Kent's nemesis

After months of speculation, fans' prayers have been answered with the return of Clark Kent's once best friend to the show, after being away for three years.
"I’m delighted to return for the series finale," Rosenbaum said.
"I’m simply doing it for all of the fans out there who made Smallville the great success it is.
"I appreciate all of their passion, their relentlessness, and even their threats. Ha ha."
Michael Rosenbaum, who played the follicular-lacking Lex Luthor, was last seen in the series 7 finale after finding out Clark's secret. You know, the whole alien-from-another-planet shocker.
The problem was, he was buried under tonnes of ice as Clark's Fortress of Solitude collapsed on the pair of them.

Lex was henceforth written out of the show, allowing Rosenbaum to pursue a career away from Smallville. The writers, always hoping that they might be able to get him to return, had him 'killed off' by Green Arrow in suspicious circumstances.
It will be interesting to see how Lex survived being blown to smithereens in the truck explosion orchestrated by Oliver Queen, but, this being sci-fi, i'm sure the writers will come up with something plausible that doesn't involve time travel. Please, no more time travel.
Lex Luthor returns in the Smallville series finale, on May 13.

Fernando Torres completes move to Chelsea

2011-01-31T23:08:00.003Z

Disillusioned Liverpool player "El Nino" makes the switch to the Blues after complaining he couldn't 'develop any more as a player' at Anfield

Liverpool striker Fernando Torres has finally made the switch to the premier league Champions Chelsea, in a staggering £50 million deal, setting a British transfer record.
In a contract thought to be worth around £175,000 week, the Spaniard can now team up with Didier Drogba to launch a frightening strike-force for the Blues, who have had their eye on the unsettled World Cup winner for a while now.
Torres had been reportedly unhappy at Liverpool for over a year; ever since their slump in form saw them fail to qualify for the Champions League.
Since then it has been clear that Torres wanted to play Champions League football, to play with the best teams in the world, so his switch to Chelsea has not come as a total surprise-apart from the legions of Liverpool fans who held him in high regard.
Now Liverpool fans up and down the country have been burning their Torres shirts, deleting desktop backgrounds featuring the striker and throwing away calenders in what can only be described as childish behaviour.
Liverpool fans shouldn't be feeling too blue though, the silver lining is that Newcastle striker Andy Carroll will be heading their way, for a hefty £35 million price-tag.
And they already have secured striker Luis Suarez, the only difference is Torres won't be there to play off him.
Fernando Torres said: "It is the dream for every top class footballer to play at a top class club and now I can do that."
Chelsea have also signed David Luiz from Benefica for £21 million.
Photo: Darren Walsh/Chelsea FC via Getty Images

Henry Cavill cast as Superman

2011-01-30T19:34:00.006Z

Brit actor will don the cape for Zack Snyder's Man of Steel Flick

British actor Henry Cavill has been cast as Clark Kent in the new Superman film, due for release at the end of next year.
Cavill was almost chosen for the role when casting was underway for the previous Superman film, but lost the role to Brandon Routh when Bryan Singer came on-board to direct.
Zack Snyder, who will be helming the new film, said: "In the pantheon of superheroes, Superman is the most recognized and revered character of all time, and I am honoured to be a part of his return to the big screen.
"He is the perfect choice to don the cape and S shield."
Cavill is probably best known for playing Charles Brandon, the brother-in-law of Henry VIII in the royal drama The Tudors.
The previous Superman film, released in 2006, grossed about $391 million at the worldwide box office, a disappointment given its reported $215 million cost. An executive at Time Warner Inc-owned Warner Bros. later said the film "didn't quite work ... in the way that we wanted it to."
Which is true; many didn't like Superman Returns. Why? Hard to say. It was lacking from any real menacing villain, despite having Spacey playing the hammy Lex Luthor.
Audiences wanted to see a fight with some larger-than-life alien lifeform, such as Doomsday or Darkseid. But all they got was a Superman who saved a plane from crashing and then proceeded to stalk Lois Lane for the rest of the film.
Superman: Man of Steel is due for release in December 2012.

Black Swan review

2011-01-23T09:42:00.007Z

Natalie Portman explores the limits of her own body, in more ways than one

Darren Aronofsky has outdone himself. A film about ballet was never going to be the most appealing to everyone, but the result is a highly watchable tale in which Natalie Portman gives the performance of her lifetime.
Nina Sayers (great surname eh?) is an obsessive, shy ballet dancer living with her over-protective, slightly bat-shit crazy mother, who is promoted to prima ballerina to play the lead in a production of Swan Lake.
But her ballet director Thomas is increasingly frustrated at Nina's tendency to over-perfect her moves. She needs to let go, live a little, or, as he puts it, "Go home and touch yourself". So when fire-brand dancer Lily (Mila Kunis) shows up, Sayers is paranoid that she's there to steal her part.
The film is visceral and extremely well shot. Aronofsky makes sure to capture every strain, every wince involved in the effort of dancing. We hear the crack of toes as she goes En Pointe, the physical demands of perfecting every move, and the rituals involved. Sayers scores the soles of her ballet shoes to give them more flex before each performance, much in the way that Mickey Rourke cut his face before entering the ring in Aronofsky's previous film, The Wrestler, to give it a more crowd-pleasing bleed.
The film is shot mostly with a single hand-held camera, all the better to capture the dizzying moves of the dances as they revolve on the spot, flail their arms and plie.
Inexorably, the act of losing control is linked to sex. Sayers is browbeaten by her director to seduce him, both on the stage and off it.

His constant advances and sporadic molestation of her as she attempts in vain to dance akin to the manner of the loose-canon Black Swan leads her to explore her own body, in scenes that will have any bloke in the audience grin with guilty pleasure as she touches her fun zone.
The presence of mirrors are used to dizzying effect. There's one in almost every shot in the film, their meaning quite clear when it comes to examining Nina's state of mind and psyche, as she slowly cracks and gives in to her dark side. Visually there are some extremely creative flourishes, especially when Nina dances right at the end, letting her metaphorical black wings burst out of her skin.
The musical score can only be described as intense and haunting, with the piano used to great effect, as of course it would be considering this is ballet.
Natalie Portman is perfect in the lead role. She obviously prepared very well for this physically demanding task. Its only a couple of times when a professional dancer body-doubles for Portman when executing some of the more complicated moves. Family Guy's Mila Kunis is a breath of fresh air as Lily, and we'll definitely see more of her on the big screen after this. Winona Ryder appears as the has-been prima only in 3 or 4 scenes- a terrible waste really, so her part is never really fleshed out.
Black Swan is a greatly observed film about artistic obsession, with added psychodrama and a volley of visual flourishes. Nina's body becomes her own enemy but she learns to use it to become the Black Swan.
Aronofsky should try something completely different next time though- he is an extremely talented director, so should not limit his talents to performance-related character-dramas. Its all there on the screen- he just needs to think bigger next time.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆9/10

Zelda: Ocarina of time 3D is gamers' wet dream

2011-01-22T16:58:00.023Z

Nintendo 3DS boasts The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time as one of its releases. The moment many Nintendo fan-boys have been waiting for.

It's incredible how far games have come in the last ten or so years. The very thought of having one of the greatest games of all time on a portable hand-held seemed like a pipe dream back in 1998. But thanks to some incredible advances in technology, at last Zelda: Ocarina of Time will be available in all its 3D glory on Nintendo's new DS offering when it is released in summer.
The Nintendo 3DS can produce 3D effects without the need for any special glasses, thanks to a process called 'autostereoscopy'. Haven't a clue what it means and its not really important. Having Ocarina of time on the 3DS is reason enough on its own to buy the new hand-held, despite the hefty £200+ price tag.
Ocarina hit the Nintendo 64 thirteen years ago, and has since by many been hailed as the greatest game ever made. Cetainly, Nintendo hasn't produced a Zelda game like it since it came out, though Majora's Mask was also excellent.
But the very fact that you will be able to save Hyrule whilst curled up in bed, or on the train, or on a long and tedious car journey speaks volumes about the capabilities of the 3DS.

The game's graphics have been fine-tuned. Textures have been improved and character faces are more detailed. And as to how the 3D works, its to do with some technical wizardry of blurring two images together. Speech balloons in the game really pop out of the screen, giving the impression that the display elements are floating above the screen. Using your slingshot in-game will make it look like your hand sticks out from the background. For those people who prefer to play the game without the 3D effects, you can turn off the 3D by using the slider button located at the right of the screen on the 3DS.

Ocarina has been re-released many times by Nintendo, so releasing it AGAIN for the 3DS is a marketing win-win move by the publisher, since it will boost sales of the console a million-fold, and it will give gamers who haven't played it before a chance to experience the game that paved the way for nearly every role-playing game to date. Smart move, Ninty.
Aside from Ocarina, there are a couple of other stand-out titles to be aware of. Kid Icarus: Uprising looks particularly attractive, thanks to its fast-paced frenetic game-play as you take control of the angel, Pit. And The Sims 3 is an irresistible title for those people who hate their own lives and prefer simulated reality instead.
Counting down the days...

Console defection

2011-01-15T13:55:00.001Z

Why I switched allegiance from Nintendo to Microsoft

Ever since I can remember I've been a Nintendo fanboy.
My first ever console was the Game Boy Color, which I got all the way back in 1997. After wearing my thumbs out on games such as Pokemon Blue, Pocket Bomberman and Zelda: Link's Awakening, I was salivating for my first proper game console. Seeing as I had already one Nintendo product, I was sure that going for the N64 instead of the Playstation would be the right choice. And it was.
Goldeneye, which to this day is still considered to be the greatest first person shooter of all time, was reason enough alone to keep buying games. Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of time, is the best game I have ever played, and cemented the N64 as a rival to Sony.
However, the successor to the N64, the Nintendo Gamecube, didn't really offer an array of good games. Not one game stands out, they were all pretty average. Especially considering the Playstation 2 was such a success, with games such as Grand Theft Auto and Final Fantasy. The pressure was on Nintendo to deliver with their next-gen console.
Cue the Nintendo Wii. The revelation of a motion sensitive controller blew away the competition. The very thought of playing a game of tennis by moving your arms truly heralded a new era of gaming. Nintendo's aim was to appeal to people who don't normally play games.
But after a few months of playing 'golf' and 'baseball' and 'boxing' on Wii sports, the novelty wore off. I was sick of waiting for an engrossing, adult game to come out on the Wii. I was annoyed that in terms of graphics, Nintendo's couldn't hold a candle compared to Playstation or Xbox 360. I've always preferred gameplay over graphics, but the time had come to make a change.
There was no way I was going to purchase a Playstation 3- at the time, over £300- so Xbox 360 it was. The same games, the same graphics, and £150 cheaper. And since the console had already been out for a couple of years, I had a whole wealth of games to choose from at a cut price.

Assassin's Creed, Grand Theft Auto, FIFA, Call of Duty- you name it. Games I had wanted to play for an age but due to stubborn loyalty to Nintendo, missed out on. Soon my collection swelled as I added Mirror's Edge, Fable, Prototype and Red Dead Redemption to my increasingly expanding games shelf. All highly rated critically acclaimed games, none of which are, or ever will be, on the Nintendo format.
I will never sell or give away my Nintendo Wii, since there is still one game that I will buy for it- the new Legend of Zelda game. That's a childhood infatuation that will never leave me, no matter how old I am. Even if the new Zelda game looks a bit, err iffy to say the least. Its predecessor on the Wii, Twilight Princess was excellent.

However, the upcoming Zelda game, Skyward Sword, seems to have regressed in terms of graphical capability and gameplay. The Zelda games have stuck to the same format for decades now. The player controls Link as he has to figure out puzzles in various dungeons spread across the overworld. He has a sword, sheild, and gains special items in order to help him continue his quest.
Its a winning formula, which works well, but also has become rather tiresome and stale. Zelda was always one reason to stick with Nintendo since you were guaranteed quality every time (there are NO bad Zelda games, FACT), but it has been almost universally agreed by gaming geeks the world over that the Zelda series needs a serious overhaul.
So in the meantime I am happy to enjoy the great games the Xbox 360 has to offer. Though I'm yet to buy Xbox Live.
I have a very bad feeling it would take over my life.

Meet Fincher's new Lisbeth Salander

2011-01-13T09:30:00.011Z

Actress Rooney Mara looks unrecognisable in new role

At last we see David Fincher's take on Lisbeth Salander, the 24 year old computer hacker with the photographic memory from Stieg Larsson's The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, played by Rooney Mara.
Its safe to say she looks different to Noomi Rapace's portrayal in the original Swedish version. To see the full set of photos of the new Salander, click here.
David Fincher, who directed last year's critically acclaimed The Social Network, is currently shooting the remake of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, with Rooney Mara as asocial hacker Lisbeth Salander, a mysterious young woman with a troubled past, complete with a dragon tattoo on her back. Daniel Craig is playing journalist and magazine editor Mikael Blomkvist, who strikes up a friendship with Salander, as they work together to solve a murder mystery.
Auditioning for the role was no easy task, according to Mara. She locked herself in a room for a week to read all three of Larsson's novels, in order to get a better understanding of the role she wanted to play.
And when it came to the auditioning, she had to act out the dildo scene from the first book, where our heroine savagely kicks a dildo up a rapist's arse.

After securing the part, Mara's transformation began with the hair. It was dyed black and chopped roughly as if she had fallen afoul of a lawnmower's blades. Later, Mara moved to Stockholm, where she learnt how to ride a motorbike and kick-boxing- all past-times of the literary Lisbeth Salander.
She then had her lip, brow, nose and nipple pierced. The end result is astonishing. She looks nothing like the girl who played Mark Zuckerberg's girlfriend in The Social Network, or anything like herself, picture above, inset.
Whether or not she'll eclipse Noomi Rapace's performances in the three original Swedish versions of the films remains to be seen, but with David Fincher at the helm, it is definitely going to be a photo finish.
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is released on December 26.

The King's Speech review

2011-01-09T11:52:00.015Z

The Academy Award for Best Actor goes to...

Its reassuring these days to see that us Brits can still make a huge impact when it comes to making films.
Directed by Tom Hooper, The King's Speech chronicles the true story surrounding George VI (or Bertie, to his loved ones, played by Colin Firth) and his speech impediment. The poor man struggles to get his words out- which is unacceptable, especially when his father the King dies and Bertie is required to take up the throne to deliver his wartime speech to the nation.
Out of frustration, his wife (Helena Bonham Carter) enlists the help of an unconventional speech therapist, Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush). And it is their relationship the film centers around.
Based on a true story or not, this is a difficult film to make interesting. The plot takes the form of a historical backdrop, namely the period between the Great War and the Second World War. Hitler is on the rise to power, the Nazi Party in full-swing. Yet Colin firth has the difficult task of trying to make his stammering sound realistic, without throwing it on too thick. Make no mistake, this is a monumental performance worthy of the Best Actor Academy Award.
However special mention should be made to Geoffrey Rush, who shares many scenes with Firth and almost steals every single one of them.
The scenes with the two of them as Logue attempts to coach Bertie to form words, to shout, to get angry, to rock back and forth on his heels, to E-N-U-N-C-I-A-T-E: anything to get the words out- simmer with chemistry and wit. There are many laugh-out-loud moments to counter the more sombre ones involving Bertie and his wife, as he struggles to speak properly, struggles to cope with news of his brother David's (Guy Pearce speaking in a ridiculously over-the-top English accent) philandering with a divorced American woman.
The King is also trying to win approval from his father, King George V, played by Michael Gambon. Its a brief part, but it makes an instant impact as we see exactly how Bertie's affliction affects and frustrates the people around him, and in this case, close to him. "JUST GET THE BLOODY WORDS OUT!", he roars, as Bertie stammers his way through another speech.

In terms of cinematography, they knocked it out of the park. The film is shot in murky colours, all the better to set the tone of political strife and the sense of foreboding the impending Second World war brings.
Its hard to pick a stumbling block in a film with so many perfect scenes, emotional moments and great acting from some of England's finest acting stock. Bonham-Carter in particular- who is usually accustomed to playing eccentric characters such as The Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland or Bellatrix Lestrange in the Potter canon- delivers a restrained performance, wholly supportive of her husband, never showing anger or frustration, but devotion. It is a role that could have easily been cast to a lesser-known actress, since the role is complimentary rather than at the fore-front, but the director Tom Hooper obviously knew the importance of the role, and cast Carter accordingly. It is a subtle masterstroke, but an important one at that.
The final 15 minutes of the film showcases one of the most patriotic and moving film-moments you'll see-whether you have admiration for the Royal family and their role in society-in this case raising morale during wartime- or think they're surplus to requirements- you will feel something.
One of the best moments, keenly observed, comes when Bertie and his children are watching footage of Hitler delivering one of his famous, energised speeches.
"What is he saying, Daddy?" asks one of his children.
"I have no idea. But he seems to say it rather well."
You can see the admiration in Firth's face, as he watches dear Adolf deliver an adrenaline-fuelled address with ease and confidence. Admiration for Hitler isn't the first thing people say when asked to give an opinion of the monster, but it works so well in this film and says a lot about the power of words in the context of leadership.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆10/10

Random acts of violence for Eminem?

2011-01-07T16:37:00.007Z

8 Mile star plans a return to the big screen in GTA-inspired crime thriller

Eminem has been absent from the big screen for 9 years, unless you count his hilarious cameo in 2009's Funny People with Adam Sandler.
But off the success of his latest album Recovery, of which he has been nominated 12 times at the Grammy awards for, Marshall Mathers is planning to star in Random Acts of Violence.
In what started out as an unofficial Grand Theft Auto movie, it has now developed into a thriller more along the lines of Scorsese's The Departed or Ben Affleck's The Town.
The film is to be produced by Paul Rosenburg and Stuart Parr, who also produced 8 Mile, a film Eminem won an Oscar for (Best Original Song). Eminem's performance in the semi-autobiographical film set in the slums of Detroit was critically acclaimed, so it will be intersting to see how he can build on his acting skills.
Random Acts of Violence sees Slim Shady playing an ex-con trying to stay on the straight and narrow, but being pulled back into crime by his old gang and the FBI.
David Von Ancken, director of western Seraphim Falls will helm the picture if the script gets approved later this year.
Eminem was also linked to boxing drama Southpaw, but Random Acts of Violence is said to be the most liklier of the two to make it to the big screen.

2010: A catalogue of natural and unnatural disasters

2010-12-30T08:00:00.003Z

Plane crashes, miners trapped, ash clouds cause chaos, more actors die, Wikileaks causes havoc and hogs the headlines...once again, not the best of years

2010 is finally drawing to a close, and it can be safely said that while there has been less celebrity-related deaths, the sheer size, scale and variety of natural disasters has been almost cataclysmic.
No sooner than 2010 was 288 hours old, an earthquake hit Haiti, with a magnitude of 7.0, killing almost 250,000 people in Port-au-Prince and effecting an estimated 3 million people. Many notable landmarks were destroyed in the earthquake, including the Presidential palace, the Port-au-Prince Cathedral and the main jail. I'm guessing the inmates weren't too cut up about the jail being destroyed though- a shot at freedom can be a wondrous tonic for the escapees, even if part of their country was irrevocably damaged.
Thirteen days later, Ethiopian airlines flight 409 was on its way to Addis Ababa from Beirut, Lebanon, when shortly after take-off it crashed into the Mediterranean sea, killing all 90 people on board. Witnesses reported that the plane was seen on fire before it crashed, though it is not known what caused the accident to this day. It was the first Ethiopian Airlines flight to crash since the hijacking of EA flight 961 in 1996.

Within one month of 2010 things already looked terrible, the last thing the world needed was another natural disaster, yet that's exactly what mother nature delivered.
On February 27 an earthquake hit Chile, with a magnitude of a staggering 8.8, it is one of the largest in recorded history. And it only lasted 90 seconds.
Two months later the stupidly named volcano Eyjafjallajokull ( looks like I closed my eyes and mashed the keyboard with my palm eh?) erupted, causing an ash cloud to billow into the air, making it unsafe for any planes to fly anywhere near Iceland or over northern Europe. Passengers were stranded in airports, planes were grounded and many a holiday was cancelled. Yet worse was yet to come.
Six days later, The Deepwater Horizon oil platform on the Gulf of Mexico exploded, killing 11 workers and spilling oil into the sea, damaging the US coastline. Attempts to plug the well underwater were successful eventually, however President Barack Obama was criticised for his handling of the disaster. Sorry Barack, life ain't all inaugurations and Nobel Prizes.

So we got almost half-way through the year before a Hollywood legend passed away. Actor and occasional director Dennis Hopper died from prostate cancer complications at his home in Los Angeles in May, aged 74. He was nominated for Best Original screenplay as co-writer for the film Easy Rider, which he also starred in. He also appeared in Apocalypse Now in 1979 and went on to star as the villain in action film Speed opposite Keanu Reeves.
In the sporting universe, football club Chelsea FC were crowned champions of the Premier League, after beating Wigan 8-0 at Stamford Bridge. They set a record, scoring 103 goals in the season and won the FA cup too.
In the same month, the UK general election resulted in a hung parliament. The Conservative Party won the most votes but were unable to win a majority. So the Liberal Democrats climbed into bed with David Cameron- to their detriment-and formed a coalition with the Tories. Labour leader Gordon Brown was booted out from No.10 and dissolved into obscurity, never to be seen or heard of again.

Heading back into the world of football, the FIFA World Cup was staged in South Africa, to surprising success. No success for the England football team though. They produced one of the worst displays ever seen and crashed out before reaching the quarter finals, losing to Germany 4-1. Spain went on to win the competition, beating Holland in the final.
More bad news for the American government. In late July Julian Assange, founder of Wikileaks, the whistle-blowing organisation, published 90,000 internal reports concerning the details of the US-Afghan war from 2004-2010. This was something that was going to dominate the headlines for the remainder of the year. In November, a further 250,000 cables were leaked. Julian Assange was arrested and bailed. The President of Brazil deemed his arrest as "an attack on freedom of expression". Everyone is sick of hearing about Assange, so let's move on.

Rolling back one month to October, the San Jose mine in Chile collapses, trapping 33 miners 700 metres underground. Thanks to the rescue efforts, they were able to receive food, water and medication through drilled holes and were eventually rescued 68 days later, to the relief of their loved ones. They're now said to be forming a corporation to exploit their near-death experience. Those of them that are sane enough, anyway. Many of the miners, after being rescued become subdued and distant from their families. Some hit the bottle pretty hard and are now full-blown alcoholics. Booze is never the answer, kids.
In another blow to the film industry, actor Leslie Nielsen died on November 29, aged 84. He died from pneumonia complications in hospital, surrounded by his family. He was best known as playing bumbling police detective Frank Drebin in the Naked Gun series, and playing a doctor in spoof disaster movie Airplane!.

And in December, Britain has once again shown it is incompetent when it comes to dealing with heavy snow. Its not like it wasn't forecast. They had weeks to prepare for the oncoming onslaught of white powder but, as usual, just like in January this year, the country delved into chaos. Hundreds of people are stranded at airports, flights are grounded, and the motorways full of lorrys that have jackknifed. There's probably more to come in the coming months, so Must Do Better, government.
Another year gone, another string of catastrophes. In my review of 2009, i said i hoped this year would be better than the last.
I really don't think it was.
A Happy New Year to you all from The Wire!

Unstoppable review

2010-12-12T20:36:00.011Z

The train that couldn't slow down

Veteran director Tony Scott and and Denzel Washington re-team for this Speed-on-rails-on-Speed flick, guaranteed to do exactly what it says on the tin- provide unstoppable action.
Anyone who does see this film should have limited expectations on what it is meant to achieve. This is switch your brain off time.
Denzel has been directed by Tony Scott five times now, previously teaming up together for Crimson Tide, Man on Fire, Deja Vu, The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 and now Unstoppable.
The story is shockingly simple. After a train yeard mishap, a locomotive carrying chemicals begins thundering through Pennsylvania, gathering terrifying momentum. Only rookie conductor Will Coulson (Star Trek's Chris Pine) and driver Frank Barnes (Washington) have the nerve and daring to attempt to stop a potential disaster from occurring.
Unlike Jan De Bont's Speed there is no villain at work here, just a speeding locomotive to contend with. Which is why this film is slow to start. We know there is no sub-plot to develop, so we end up waiting for the inevitable-a train to start speeding through the country before someone realises its breaks don't work and-SHIT!-how do we stop it?
There's little male bonding in this one. Once the proverbial hits the fan Denzel and Chris's time is taken up with stopping the monolithic train from reaching the town of Stanton, where- conveniently- Chris's wife and kids live. If the train hits the Stanton curve, which is a massive bend in the track, it will derail, straight into the town and chemical containers.

Tony Scott's presence behind the camera is evident as soon as the train's speedometer goes above 1mph. The 66 year-old director unleashes a barrage of whip-pans, crash zooms and rapid-fire editing as the locomotive crashes through obstacles and is chased by the authorities.
Also in pursuit are the two lead actors, who plan to latch on to the runaway train from their own, and slow it down by hitting their own breaks.
And there's little more to it than that. Yes, it is rather impressive to see Denzel Washington running across the top of the train carriages (its actually him up there; no leaner, sprightly stuntmen this time) but there's no exhaustive third act like in Speed, which is why there is so little pay-off.
Neither of the leads have to act much really, the narrative is focused on the train. But Rosario Dawson (Sin City, Death Proof) plays the train room operator well, all flustered and terrified as she barks advice through the radio to our heroes.
The film is clearly well-researched, as the audience will no doubt understand a word of the train jargon spat out by Washington, but such words are lost amongst the impending danger.
One of Tony Scott's better efforts, certainly, after the mauling The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 received from critics. Unstoppable welcomes Speed lovers with open arms.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆7/10

I saw this film with Alex Smith, who, for the entire duration, didn't stop stuffing his face with nachos, jalpenos and sweets. Not the best company, but he is rather witty so i'll forgive him on this occasion.

Chelsea FC: What's broken?

2010-12-09T13:07:00.016Z

Champions of the Premier League last season, FA Cup winners too, but something has gone terribly wrong this campaign.

Chelsea made history last season, after winning the domestic double for the first time since the club was founded in 1905. They overcame Manchester United, beat Liverpool and thrashed Wigan 8-0 in the final game of the 09/10 season to become Premier League Champions. They scored 103 goals in the season, setting a record and the Fa cup was theirs too. But now, half way through the 10/11 campaign, their world has come crashing down around their ears.
It sounds melodramatic, but the slump in form has come alarmingly out of nowhere.
Its all started well this season. The blues romped to two 6-0 victories against West Bromich and Wigan at the start of the campaign, and building a frightening goal difference of +23 by the time things hit full swing in mid-september.
Chelsea even brushed aside perennial underachievers Arsenal 2-0, thanks to the obligatory goal from Didier Drogba and a thunderbolt of a free-kick from defender Alex.
But as the cold of October dawned, something like reality hit the Blues. Losing 1-0 to Manchester City seemed only a minor blip. But then succumbing to a reinvigorated Liverpool side and falling pathetically to Sunderland, things looked nervous. The aura of invincibility had gone, in the Premier League anyway. Injuries to John Terry, Frank Lampard and Michael Essien exposed the fragility and lack of depth to Carlo Ancelotti's side.
Brazilian Ramires, despite costing £18 million, has failed to impress. He seems unable to keep up with the tempo, and either loses or is fought off the ball with startling ease. Time to hit the gym and bulk up perhaps? He is an ill-fitting replacement for Lampard, a midfielder who many Chelsea fans take for granted.
Super Frank hardly ever gets injured and has a prolific scoring record (30 plus goals and 19 assists in a season). But since suffering a groin injury, Chelsea have been clearly missing the midfielder.

Chelsea face Tottenham in the Premier League on Sunday, a match Ancelotti hopes Lampard will be fit for. There is a distinct lack of confidence in this Chelsea side at the moment, despite finishing top of their group in the Champions League and progressing to the last 16.
The sacking of Ray Wilkins, the assistant coach, was a shock. No one knows why he had to leave, though there's no doubt it was what started the drop in quality. The players say the changing room mood is unaffected, but there is a lot going on behind the scenes that we do not know about.
Ancelotti's future, remains clouded in mystery. The club's owner, Roman Abramovich, is known to sack managers for the littlest of things. Jose Mourinho, Avram Grant, Luiz Felipe Scolari- are all living proof of that. And if Ancelotti can't instill a sense of belief in the squad, then he'll soon be making the aquaintance of the P45.
What can be admired however, is the club's goal of developing young talent. 17 year-old Josh Mceachran has been a revelation. He skips past defences and is a worthy understudy to Lampard. He has been getting more and more game time of late and thoroughly deserves it.
Left-back Patrick van Aanholt has also looked promising, though the same cannot be said of Gael Kakuta. Its remains to be seen if he'll sign a new contract this season. Daniel Sturridge is a very talented and quick player, but needs more than a ten minute cameo each match to prove his worth, and needs to work on his finishing.

Many say Chelsea have an ageing squad. Terry, Lampard, Drogba, Anelka- are all the wrong side of thirty. Though when you look at Manchester United's squad- Van der Sar, Neville, Giggs, Scholes, its hardly a cause for concern. Drogba seems to be getting better with age, though at the moment even he is struggling to find the back of the net in open play.
But lets get one thing straight. Sacking the manager is not the right thing to do. Whilst many people might say that winning the Double in his first season in charge might have raised expectations of Ancelotti and the ability of his team, he needs time to cajole his players out of this slump.
Getting Frank Lampard back in the team alongside defensive partner Essien should inject a bit more fluidity and imagination to the way Chelsea play football. No more of the long-ball game that was evident in the Newcastle match, thank you.
Chelsea currently sit third in the Premier League table, behind Arsenal at the top and United second. It is by no means a disastrous position to be in ( I mean come on really! Its not like they're fighting relegation) but Chelsea are usually sitting comfortably on top of the 'Big Four' at this point.
A win against Tottenham this weekend- and Lampard's re-inclusion to the squad- should hopefully be the cataylst to another successful season. That is, if Chelsea can then be triumphant in the difficult matches following- Man Utd and Arsenal await.
Just the Champions league to win next, then.

Bond 23 emerges from financial quagmire

2010-12-04T21:14:00.006Z

Sam Mendes will start filming toward the end of next year

MGM's financial situation has taken a turn for the better as their $5 billion debt looks set to be wiped clean in mid-December when co-CEOs Gary Barber and Roger Birnbaum take their place at the film studio, meaning Bond 23 can finally emerge from hiatus.
The Daily ~~Fail~~ Mail reports that Sam Mendes' wife Kate Winslet will be moving to London soon with her estranged husband to be close to him as he commences principle photography.
Long-time Bond composer David Arnold, in a recent interview in Film Music Magazine, said: "We only just got the news that we're back on.
"I just hope the next one is as good as my favorites, as I think everyone does. And I’m always interested in what Daniel Craig brings to the part."
James Bond himself Daniel Craig has been busy of late. He's just finished work on Iron Man director Jon Favreau's Cowboys and Aliens, and will now start shooting the remake of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, in which he stars as Millennium journalist Mikael Blomkvist opposite Rooney Mara who will be trying her best to eclipse the performance of Noomi Rapace as Lisbeth Salander (not going to happen love).
The Daily Mail also stated that Mendes and Bond producer Barbara Broccoli have already had meetings over casting. Apparantly, Broccoli has been eyeing up Simon Russell Beale for the role of the villain.
The villain this time round needs be a bit more menacing- despite Mathieu Amalric turning in a good performance in Quantum of Solace, he was a bit of a weak villain compared to previous guys sitting in chairs and stroking white cats.
MGM recently announced that starting with Bond 23, they plan to release new James Bond films every two years, starting from November 2012.
The Hobbit is also forging ahead, after MGM paid $20 million to fund production of its two films.

England lose out to Russia in World Cup 2018 bid

2010-12-02T10:24:00.013Z

England have failed in their bid to host World Cup 2018. Russia will have that pleasure.
Prime Minister David Cameron, Prince William and David Beckham were all involved in the presentation of Blighty's bid to host the event.
Football managers Arsene Wenger, Roberto Mancini, Harry Redknapp and Alex Ferguson all leant their support to the bid, giving brief messages of support.
What was it that damaged our bid? Was it David Beckham's impressive yet mawkish speech about his grandfather getting him to football and conveniently dying exactly one year ago today? Or was it David Cameron's passionate speech boasting the reasons why we are capable-unlike any of the other countries-of hosting the World Cup here tomorrow, if that were the case.
Football was started in this country and the Barclays Premier League is the most watched in the world, hosting the most famous teams in the world. A no brainer, really. We have the stadiums, the transport system and the facilities to host such an event.
But not this time, unfortunately.

Shirley not? Comic legend Leslie Nielsen dies

2010-11-29T17:23:00.009Z

Canadian actor dies from pneumonia

Airplane! and Naked Gun actor Leslie Nielsen has died aged 84.
Probably most famous for his immortal line in the 1980 film Airplane!:
"Surely you can't be serious," an airline passenger says to Nielsen.
"I am serious," Nielsen replies. "And don’t call me Shirley."
His deadpan delivery turned him into a comic star, and he went on to star in The Naked Gun series as bumbling police detective Frank Drebin.
Nielsen died from complications from pneumonia in a hospital near his home, surrounded by his wife, his friends and his agent.
The man was truly a comic legend; the first person ever to make me laugh until I had tears streaming down my face whilst watching the first Naked Gun as a child.
Nielsen's nephew Doug told a Canadian a radio station that the actor had been in hospital for 12 days with the illness.
"He just fell asleep and passed away," he said.
Nielsen was born in Regina, Saskatchewan in 1926. He hit the big time after performing 150 live television dramas, going on to star in The Poseidon Adventure, Airplane! and the Naked Gun trilogy.
He was married four times, and had two children from his second marriage, Maura and Thea Nielsen.

Anne Hathaway to be the new Lois Lane?

2010-11-27T20:10:00.006Z

Heavily rumoured to play the feisty reporter in new Superman film

The Devil Wears Prada star Anne Hathaway may be playing Lois Lane in the the new Superman film, directed by Zack Snyder, if rumours are to be believed.
According to Hollywoodnews.com, Hathaway is interested in taking on a different genre of film, so Superman would be right up her alley if that were the case.
She certainly has the acting chops for the role, and would definitely be better than the hopelessly mis-cast Kate Bosworth in Bryan Singer's 2006 film Superman Returns.
It is also claimed that part of Superman: Man of Steel will be set in West Africa, with Clark Kent being the central focus of the movie.
Casting for Clark Kent is on-going, and it is understood that Snyder is looking to cast an unknown in the role. Its a shame, since Brandon Routh was so suited to the role, looking so like the late Christopher Reeve.
The film is gearing up for a June 2011 start, with creative supremo Christopher Nolan keeping a watchful eye on developments.
Warner brothers needs to get moving with the film before 2012, which is when the family of co-creator Jerry Siegel can start to sue to get the rights back or win serious payments.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 review

2010-11-20T13:48:00.016Z

Yup, the darkest Potter film yet

Warning: Major spoilers follow.

The Harry Potter film franchise is the highest grossing of all time, with the six films having grossed $5.4 billion worldwide. That's more than all 22 James Bond films and the six Star Wars films, all thanks to a struggling single mother's idea of a skinny bespectacled boy wizard's troubled life blighted by the greatest dark wizard of all time, Lord Voldemort.
And we've watched Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint grow up on-screen over the past ten years, having been catapulted to stardom thanks to bagging the most coveted roles of Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, the three main characters in J.K Rowling's novels.
The films have had varying degrees of success. The first two being fluffy children's films, shot in warm colour and staying religiously to Rowling's source text.
Prizoner of Azkaban shot life into the franchise, with director Alfonso Cuaron injected some much-needed energy and sense of danger into the tale, with the escape of notorious 'mass-murderer' Sirius Black and the ensuing revelations.
The last two films have been directed by Brit David Yates. And he must have done something right, since he was kept on to helm Deathly Hallows, a mammoth book which sees our heroes on the run, desperately trying to find and destroy Voldemort's Horcruxes, objects that he's hidden pieces of his soul in. Only when Harry has destroyed them can Lord Voldemort be finished once and for all.

So in this one Hogwarts is nowhere to be seen. Harry, Ron and Hermione are searching for Horcruxes whilst simultaneously trying to elude the clutches of Voldemort's Death Eaters.
The film opens with a close-up of Bill Nighy as Rufus Scrimgeour, giving a speech about dark times and the need to be vigilant. It sets the tone for the film- dark, brooding and swimming in menace.
We're then given a rare glimpse into Hermione's life, as she wipes her parents' memories, making them forget that they ever had a daughter. Whilst not in the book, its an excellent and touching scene, as we see her fade from picture frames all around the house.
Then its straight to business. The Dursleys leave Number 4 Privet Drive and The Order of the Phoenix arrive to escort Harry to The Burrow. A highly amusing and technically magnificent scene where Harry's friends take Polyjuice Potion is followed by an edge-of-your seat chase sequence through the skies as the Death Eaters and Voldemort come after them. This is where the film is successful- every action scene is tense and exciting, with faultless CGI. Rowling's source text has a lot of faults, but the film does well to omit bad pacing and add scenes that stay true to the characters.
Take for example, a scene in the forest.
Having being abandoned by Ron, Hermione devastated, Harry and Hermione share a dance in the tent. Not romantic in the slightest, it reinforces their relationship as being that of siblings, rather than anything to do with attraction. Many Potter fans were not happy with this scene but it was sorely needed. In the book the camping scenes drag somewhat, but scenes such as this add a touching and much-needed smattering of characterization into the story.
All the action sequences, the cafe attack, being chased by the snatchers are all excellent. Even better is when the Trio have to infiltrate the Ministry of Magic in order to steal a Horcrux from Dolores Umbridge. Humorous, well-paced and tense, it was the highlight of the film. 'You have nothing to fear if you have nothing to hide', says Minister for Magic, Pius Thicknesse, in a brilliant echo of the communist hysteria in the USA of the 1950s.

Watson, Radcliffe and Grint give the performances of their lives. Emma Watson is particularly impressive. A scene at Malfoy Manor whilst being tortured by Bellatrix Lestrange is genuinely hard to watch. She screams, she cries, and one wonders why all of a sudden Watson can act. Much of the credit has to go to David Yates, for getting such a great performance out of her.
Rupert Grint, who has sleep-walked his way through films 3-6, is suddenly given the chance to shine. He nails every mannerism, every line, and actually brings much gravitas to Ron Weasley. Radcliffe, too, gives a performance that resembles the Harry Potter from the books.
So where does the film falter? Some might say the middle camping scenes are boring in comparison to the busier first and third acts, but Potter fans won't care. For people who haven't read the books or haven't been informed of the plot will be puzzled, but that's their own fault. This is not a film for them.
Nor, some might say, is it a film for children. There are many scary scenes. The trip to Godric's Hollow, Malfoy Manor are unsettling to watch, and the death of Dobby the house-elf is too. What makes it more disturbing, as Dobby lies dead in Harry's arms, is that he looks like a baby dying.
The ending is a bit anti-climactic, but one has to remember its only half of a film. The second part is going to be an all-out action-fest.
David Yates has delivered, without a doubt. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 is exciting, tense and well-acted. Just some 240 days to wait till part 2 then...

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆10/10

Are there vast differences between the way women are represented in Asian action films and the Hollywood variety?

2010-11-04T15:15:00.006Z

Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Hero, House of Flying Daggers and Curse of the Golden Sunflower all seem to have a lot to say about a woman's place in society

Asian action films are notorious for high-flying martial arts and a stunning array of camera shots, colour and spectacle.
Most of all however, it’s the different way they represent women, compared to Hollywood’s methods. More often than not, they are equal to men in terms of athletic prowess and discipline.
Director Zhang Yimou’s trilogy of films- Hero, House of Flying Daggers, and Curse of the Golden Sunflower- each have women in the central roles. Zhang Ziyi, one of the most famous Chinese film actresses working today has a role in each of these films, but her most famous is probably that of Jen, daughter of an aristocrat, who she played in Ang Lee’s Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.
The plot of Lee’s martial-arts powerhouse involves around the sword Green Destiny, which is owned by renowned swordsman Li-Mu-Bi, portrayed by Chow Yun Fat. Jen steals the sword and uses it to fend off all the people who attempt to retrieve it, including its rightful owner Li-Mu-Bi.
We understand as the film progresses, that the martial arts school called ‘Wudang’ bans any female pupils. Women are still allowed to practice martial-arts, but measures are taken to ensure ultimate power stays with the males. It is the sword Green Destiny that symbolises physical prowess and masculinity, which is why Jen stole it.
In contrast to portrayals in Hollywood action films, the martial arts representations do not invoke the female parts as an erotic subject to gratify male sexual desires. Instead, they spend most of the time soaring around after the male figures in the story. In fact, in one scene, a desert bandit by the name of ‘Dark Cloud’ steals Jen’s hair comb, and rather than just stay in the carriage like her mother tells her to, she storms out and is involved in a deadly horseback chase across the desert, all just to get her comb back, and nothing else. In addition it can be said; perhaps she wanted to prove she was every bit as equal as the bandit.
After a long and drawn out fight with him for the comb, and an obvious hatred for the filthy vagabond, she soon falls for his charms after being defeated. So here one can see a similarity with Hollywood and the way they depict their women. Usually in the typical Hollywood action story, whenever a female and male are shooting daggers at each other they do eventually fall for one another (or, rather despite the male being a total reprobate, the woman still falls for him. Why this is the trend, is something that baffles the mind).

A few years later in 2004, Zhang Ziyi appeared in Hero, another martial arts extravaganza, this time in the role of a servant to an assassin called ‘Broken Sword’. The film illustrates the story of an unnamed ‘Hero’ who has claimed to have killed three of the country’s most deadly assassins-Broken Sword, Flying Snow and Long Sky- therefore being allowed an audience with the Emperor of China, who he wishes to murder. The unnamed Hero tells the story of how he came to defeat the assassins. In actual fact, the tale he tells the Emperor is an elaborate lie.
Ziyi, in the role as ‘Moon’, the servant is seen working as an assistant to Broken Sword in a calligraphy school. Once again she is in the inferior role. Also working in the calligraphy school is the more senior of the two females, Flying Snow. Snow and Sword are understood as being in a relationship, until Sword finds out Snow has cheated on him. In a cruel act of revenge, he summons his servant Moon, and sleeps with her in the knowledge that Snow is nearby and will find out. It is a quick, noisy affair which Moon clearly enjoys. However, she is immediately told to “Leave Now!” in a harsh tone which reduces her to tears. Again, there seems to be similarities between women being used and seen as objects in both Asian and Hollywood cinema.
Later, as we continue to see the Hero tell more of the story to the Emperor, Hero is asked how he managed to defeat Flying Snow in battle. Hero replies calmly, “She was emotional, I defeated her easily.” Hero easily manipulated her by turning her into a jealous woman. Simply, he played with her insecurities and left her as an emotional mess. This is a scenario not unheard of when it comes to male-female relationships in movies. The dominant male figure usually manages to manipulate the female into getting his own way, ( much like Britain’s fictional agent James Bond) so the representation difference between Hollywood and Asian cinema does not seem half the world apart after all.
Zhang Yimou’s Curse of the Golden Sunflower, though inferior to his previous directorial instalments, boasts a wonderful and beautiful variety of women. However, it is literally in the first few minutes that one can see immediately that they will serve no other purpose other than that of visual eye-candy. They are lined up in rows, strapped into corsets, their cleavage fork-lifted for the benefit for yet another Emperor. The use of colour in the film is used to ridiculously good effect, contrasting background set dressing to that of the colour all the beautiful females are wearing, making them stand out. But that is the only thing the women in this film seem to contribute, apart from one exception.

Internationally renowned Chinese actress Gong Li plays the role of the wife of the emperor, though she is constantly ridiculed and forced into doing things against her will. In one excellently directed scene, the emperor and all his sons gang up on the hapless female, forcing her to drink the rest of her medicine (she is anaemic) or incur his wrath. In the end she gives in, but only because of the amount of pressure.
And it seems, that the theme of men being in charge of women is continues in the last of Yimou’s films, for it is in The House of Flying Daggers that confirms that men will always be above women. Zhang Ziyi plays a blind girl, a dancer at the local Peoni Pavilion. She is summoned by a drunk male to dance for her. Soon he starts tearing off her clothes with his sword and subsequently attempts to rape her. Girls in the aforementioned pavilion are meant as entertainment. They giggle, they dance, and they surround the rooms only to serve as a pretty background, rather than serve any real purpose. This point is reiterated when the drunken man beckons a random girl to him.
"Coming sir, what is your desire?" she says, trotting towards him with fake admiration etched on her features. It is implied that the women in the pavilion do not enjoy their jobs as bowing and following orders from their male superiors, but have no choice in their circumstances. Immediately we have subservience entering the equation, and one can tell the role of women in this film is not going to be any better than previous Asian cinema involving mandatory sword play and gravity-defying martial arts.
Later, after the attempted rape of a girl, the man is escorted out of the pavilion along with the blind girl by security, and it is only then that the audience realises that he is actually a police officer in charge of the district, looking for the infamous secret society of the ‘Flying Daggers’, a group of anarchists who are trying to topple the government.
The police offer breaks her out of prison and leads her across a vast forest. When they are set upon by archers, the officer does all her can to save her, and she is more than grateful. In order to disguise her, the officer makes her dress in masculine clothing (this is becoming a trend for women in Asian film; the same thing happened in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon).
The only way to get by undetected in a seemingly all-male dominated world, is to look like one.

Fable 3 review

2010-11-02T17:44:00.021Z

What will you become? A tyrannical ruler or a benevolent King who has the love of his people?

Lionhead studios promised a lot for Fable 3, after a somewhat linear gaming experience with Fable 2, so have they delivered?
Well, yes is the answer to that question. They've learned from their mistakes and produced an addictive adventure worthy of any ruler of Albion.
The story is as follows. Your brother Logan is ruling the land of Albion with an iron fist, keeping taxes high and letting his people starve to death as towns and cities over the kingdom are left to the whim of criminals and murders. You play as his brother, (or sister, if you choose the female character) the prince, whose desire is to lead the people of Albion into rebellion and overthrow your tyrannical sibling. But to do this, you need to gain the confidence of the people by gaining 'followers' and performing good deeds to cement your worth.
So you head out into the land, your faithful pet dog at your side as you visit towns and villages.
Gone are the cluttered menu system which slowed down the gameplay- in fact, there is no pause menu at all-its been scrapped. When you press start you're immediately transported to your 'sanctuary', a circular room where you keep all your clothing, weapons, magical gauntlets and money. To select different clothing or weapons, you simply approach the item hung on the wall or adorned by a mannequin to select it. It's a masterstroke in terms of fully immersing the player in the game. The 'walk in wardrobe' system really is great to behold and something Lionhead studios obviously put a lot of thought into.

As with previous Fable games you can develop relationships with the people you meet in the various villages. After gaining their confidence, you can take them on a date, buy them gifts, dance with them, hug them, kiss them, propose and then get married and move in together.
The protected/unprotected sex mechanic still stands, so if you don't want a child its best you choose the former.
But before you even think of starting a family, you need money. Earning money is done by doing jobs such as working as a blacksmith, a pie maker or playing the lute for the villagers. And what's great is every bit of gold you earn gets piled up in the treasury room in your sanctuary. Its very satisfying to see your small pile of coins build into a mountain of treasure capable of swimming in. Its another nice touch by the developers.
Now, where the game falters is the combat. As you traverse the land of Albion you'll be ambushed by bandits from time to time. These witless-wonders will attack you en-masse, so its best you have your sword or hammer at the ready to crack skulls. The thing is, magic is a better option. Casting spells does more damage than using a melee weapon, so it makes the swords, pistols and hammers you carry more or less obsolete. And it doesn't help that fighting is ridiculously easy and requires nothing more than button mashing.
What can be praised however, is the way you can now mix spells together to produce more powerful attacks. For example, why not mix fireball with ice storm, or force push to blast your enemies back? Its makes the linear combat more interesting at least.
Also, your sword will change shape and colour depending on your moral standing. Act rudely to people, and it will curve, and become jagged. Act nice to people, and it will lengthen and glow with runes.
As you gain the confidence of whole towns and villages, you progress further on your 'Road to Rule'. For example, by helping the Dwellers who live in the snowy mountains, you also promise to protect their lands once you become King. And after promising this you unlock a gate on the 'Road to Rule', allowing you to progress closer to the throne and overthrowing you brother. Each time you unlock a gate you can also upgrade your magic to make it more powerful, and do the same for your weapons. As you unlock 'guild seals' after completing quests and doing good deeds, you can spend these on upgrading or buying new expressions.
All these changes to the game make Fable 3 a smoother and more streamlined gaming experience, and its nice to hear Lionhead studios listened to criticism of the last Fable and improving on things.

When at last you overthrow your brother and take your place as King, the game doesn't end. What's incredibly satisfying is as King, you have to make decisions regarding all the promises you made to various people. Those Dwellers for example, its going to cost 50,000 gold to install a guard post up in then mountains when it would be more prudent to use the money to build a school in the city instead. It'll cost less too, so what do you do? You have to choose one or the other. You'll have to put up with being hated by the mountain Dwellers and loved by your own people in the city for building the school the children desperately need.
There are quite a lot of decisions such as this to make in the last part of the game, as you sit on your throne and watch the treasury fill up with gold as you raise taxes and incur the wrath of the townspeople. It really is a great game dynamic forcing the player to make choices that affect what people think of you. The only problem is that the part of the game when you eventually become King doesn't last long enough, and the final battle is still a little disappointing.
In terms of graphics, the game looks beautiful. The lakes and rivers sparkle as the sunlight reflects off them, the forests are green and lush, the character textures excellent. There is no drop in frame rate either. Your dog will occasionally disappear or get stuck behind an object, but it'll appear eventually.

The game should take between 10-20 hours to complete, so its not long. But there is so much to do after you've completed it. Do a few jobs and eventually you'll be able to buy that pub in the village of Brightwall you've had your eye on for so long. Or perhaps buy a bigger house for you and your spouse.
Bored? Go on a quest or go hunt for treasure. Get a tattoo, buy a new weapon, buy a few houses and rent them out. Re-decorate your home. The list is endless.
The sound effects are good too. The voice acting is excellent, thanks to the famous people providing them. John Cleese, Bernard Hill, Simon Pegg, Zoe Wanamaker, Sir Ben Kingsley, Jonathan Ross and Stephen Fry all feature, so its great to keep an ear cocked for Ross mis-pronouncing his Rs as usual.
All in all Fable 3 builds on its predecessor and learns from the mistakes it made.
The innovative Sanctuary and 'Road to Rule' features are integrated perfectly and the game looks stunning. Whilst the combat could have improved a lot more and your time as King lengthened, these niggles don't really detract from the game as a whole. If you're an Xbox owner, this is a must-buy. For the glory of Albion!

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆8/10

Kings of Leon new album fails to impress

2010-11-01T14:35:00.003Z

Come Around Sundown is a dreary ensemble with nothing new to offer

After the success of their last album, Only by the Night, the stakes were high for Kings of Leon to follow it up with something superior.
But Come Around Sundown fails to offer anything new. The album is depressing and samey, each track almost sounding like a carbon copy of the last, with hardly any stand-out songs.
Their single Radioactive is ok, but take for example Beach Side. It doesn't even sound like it should have made the album at all. Uninspired lyrics accompanied by Anthony Followill's winy vocals make for poor listening.
Its such a shame, when considering the quality of tracks on their last album, such as 17, Use Somebody, Sex is on Fire, Notion and Be Somebody.
For bands to be successful it is necessary to see some kind of development in their music. Even rappers realise this.
Eminem for example knew that his raw, misogynistic lyrics and music would not continue to sell records unless he instigated a major change.
So he went mainstream, the almost 'pop' route as he released Love they Way You Lie with Rihanna. And it worked.
So take heed Kings, for the throne is slipping away from your grasp. Adapt, change and give us something different next time, even if it does mean betraying your principles. It worked with Only By the Night.
As the lead singer wails in the opening track: "This could be the ennnnnnnnnnddd..."

Lord of the Flies is squealing to be adapted for film again

2010-10-29T12:00:00.002+01:00

(Successfully this time)

Just the other day I saw my battered old copy of Lord of the Flies gathering dust on my bookshelf and I immediately snatched it up.
I hadn't read the book for eight years, ever since it was the set text for our GCSE English exam. Now usually the set text is something god-awful like Pride and Prejudice, however Lord of the Flies is actually a great book.
Written by William Golding in 1954, Lord of the Flies won the Nobel Prize for Literature, and deservedly so.
The problem is, when someone says "Lord of the...", the word 'Rings' is usually what follows. The success of Tolkien's work cannot be denied, however Rings, for the most part, is a dreary tale, with huge passages where nothing happens at all (*cough* Two Towers *cough*) making up most of the story. Yes the film versions were amazing, thanks to Peter Jackson, who is now tackling The Hobbit for screen.
But the Lord of the Flies is a haunting, well-written story about a gang of schoolboys who are stranded on a deserted island who try to govern themselves, with disastrous results.
It explores human nature without rules or government, the darkness inherent in each person and the animalistic nature of the human soul, as the boys revert from being a bunch of well-behaved misfits, to a bunch of tribal savages.
Lord of the Flies has been adapted for film before. Once all the way back in 1963 and more recently in 1990.

But they were hardly well-received and I think it is time that a 'big' director has a go at doing the novel justice, much like Jackson did for Rings. I'd say Spielberg or Cameron would be the right choice, if it wasn't for the fact that the former is probably past his best now and the latter being tied up with the Avatar sequels.
Lord of the Flies would appeal to not just young audiences who would be wowed by a trailer full of fist-fights, shouting and tribal drum beats accompanied with the image of a pig's head on a stick (the Lord of the Flies personified), but to the 'older generation' too, who hark back to the old days when they might have been read the book by their parents as a stark warning not to misbehave.

There is the possibility that there is no place for a film such as Lord of the Flies in today's society, as we all sit mindlessly in front of our computers on Facebook all day and spending our evenings drowning our sorrows in the pub. But perhaps an up-to-date version of Lord of the Flies is what people today need- a short, sharp shock to remind them that despite the global economic downturn, the streets are far from being the anarchic playground they could be without government (unless you live in Paris).

The book itself doesn't pull its punches. As the story continues the schoolboys seamlessly transform from being civilised to being unruly, to being downright violent.
Golding kills off one of the main characters in such a brutal fashion (see the chapter 'Castle Rock') but things have escalated so much by this point that his death is accepted as nothing out of the ordinary- the boys are so desensitised to violence at this point.
But of course back in reality these types of things would never happen...right? The government cuts in the UK have yet to take their full effect so its difficult to see how bad things will eventually be.
Though I'm sure once the cuts bite hard i'll be one of the people taking to the streets wielding a sharpened stick with a pig's head speared through the end, advancing on Downing Street with a mob of equally bloodthirsty fellow citizens stumbling in my wake.
Society can only take so much, after all.

Mission Impossible 4 gets its title - and it sucks

2010-10-28T20:09:00.005+01:00

What were they thinking?

In a week where we've discovered the title of Batman 3- The Dark Knight Rises- here comes the title of the new Mission Impossible film: Ghost Protocol. What...
The title was announced at a press conference in Dubai so its all official. As Empire wittily observes, it seems that the MI:4 producers have been hitting the Xbox too hard and have played one too many games of Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon shoot 'em ups. Dear me.
'MI:4' would have been a much snappier title, as MI:3 was. And if not surely they could have come up with a better name? One million monkeys typing for eternity would produce Shakespeare...whereas it seems ten monkeys typing for three days has produced a Dan Brown-esque title. Hmm.
"One of the things I always wanted for the franchise was for it not to have a number afterwards," the co-producer said.
"I’ve never done sequels to films and I never thought of these films as sequels. Paramount has done a great job in coming up with a title, so it’s not going to be MI2, 3, 4: it’s going to be Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol."
Mission:Impossible-Ghost Protocol (sigh) is released on December 16 2011, directed by Brad Bird.
Tom cruise reprises his role as Ethan Hunt, starring alongside Jeremy Renner, Ving Rhames, Simon Pegg and Michael Nyqvist.

Batman 3 gets a title

2010-10-27T16:09:00.004+01:00

Film to be released in July 2012

Batman 3 finally has a title, so in the summer of 2012 audiences will be queueing up for...
...The Dark Knight Rises. Sounds good enough eh? However, it will not feature The Riddler as the villain, according to supremo director Christopher Nolan.
So who will be in it?
"We’ll use many of the same characters as we have all along, and we’ll be introducing some new ones," Nolan added.
Its obvious Alfred the butler will return along with Christian Bale as Batman, but who else? Two characters were killed off in The Dark Knight; Two-Face and Batman's love interest Rachel Dawes.
The new Batman film is lacking a female lead then, but its not known who will fill the space left. Perhaps Catwoman? Though many people are yet to shake-off Halle Berry's performance in the critically panned Catwoman film which was released back in 2004.
So, Mr Nolan, if the Catwoman does get cast, do the character justice. But after seeing his excellent Inception, that is the least of our worries.

The Social Network review

2010-10-20T16:48:00.014+01:00

You don't get to 500 million friends without making a few enemies

A film detailing the story of the founders of social networking site Facebook was always going to be difficult. For one thing, has it come a bit too late? Not so. Since Facebook recently attracted its 500 millionth user this film holds a whole new level of relevance.
And with David Fincher (Fight Club, Se7en, Alien 3, Zodiac) at the helm, little can go wrong, no, little has gone wrong; The Social Network is a rich, understated character drama that captures interest from the off, indeed for anyone who has a Facebook account (the whole world?).
Well, nearly 8 per cent of the world anyway, give or take duplicate accounts and profiles dedicated to companies of institutions, but still, quite a feat.
The Social Network starts off with a scene between Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg (an excellent Jessie Eisenburg) and his girlfriend (Rooney Mara, soon to be Lisbeth Salander in Dragon Tattoo) in the middle of a heated argument in a crowded bar. She dumps him for being a pompous dick, so he goes home and starts a scathing blog about her, putting her picture on a website he cobbled together called Facemash, and comparing girls from different Harvard dorms with each other in terms of looks.
Despite attracting the ire from the female population, the site is a hit at Harvard University, and becomes the basis for 'Thefacebook', a site which eventually drops the 'the' from its name and soon envelops America, and then the world.
At the heart of the film is Mark Zuckerberg and his best friend Eduardo Saverin, played by Brit Andrew Garfield, who is soon to be the new Peter Parker in the reboot of Spiderman. Garfield is the co-founder of Facebook and the Chief Finanical Officer. West Wing scribe Aaron Sorkin's script is witty and well-written, creating a great dynamic between characters Zuckerberg and Saverin.

Saverin takes centre stage mid way thorough the film as it switches back and forth between two court cases. You see, Zuckerberg is accused of stealing the idea of 'thefacebook' by fellow Harvard undergrads the Winklevoss twins. Rich, smart, handsome, excellent sportsmen, why can't they be smart too?
But as thefacebook's popularity soars, Zuckerberg enlists the help of Sean Parker, founder of Napster. He's played by Justin Timberlake, who surprisingly turns in a charming performance.
Parker helps Zuckerberg branch out and develop thefacebook, even suggesting to drop 'the' from the name to make it simply 'facebook'. Severin resents Parker's input and, after a series of events ends up suing his former best friend.
While this may sound complicated, it isn't. Fincher expertly interlinks the narrative structure with the court cases and the end result is good. The film exposes the petty playground politics between the major players, and the sacrifices that are needed to make a business work. Casting Andrew Garfield as Eduardo Severin was a masterstroke. There is not one hint of his British accent as he vents and rages at Zuckerberg. He provides some much-needed likeability to the main characters, as Zuckerberg's character can be seen as one-dimensional at times, driven only by an obsession to succeed. Which, isn't a bad thing, as Sean Parker says: "A million dollars isn't cool...You know what's cool? A billion dollars."
The Social Network is more than just a film about facebook. It looks at loneliness and the desperate need that human beings have to connect with others, as well as the repercussions of success by any means necessary. While there may not be a lot to invest in as such (no car chases, fights, murders) it certainly says a lot about the power a person, no matter how young, can have by sitting at their computer and building on an idea.
Richard Sayers likes this.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆9/10

Why Rooney needs to leave United

2010-10-18T10:28:00.007+01:00

Troubled striker hasn't the mental capacity to keep his form amongst tabloid storm

Reports that Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney is quitting his club, whether true or not, offer an interesting insight into his mentality .
Ever since news of his penchant for hookers leaked to the press, his form has suffered and his boss Alex Ferguson has clearly not been impressed at how his star striker has failed to score from open play since March (on the field, that is, boom boom).
And now Rooney is apparently not going to sign a new contract at United, a club that is struggling to keep up with the likes of Manchester City and Chelsea, who sit second and first respectively in the Premier League.
Rooney more or less carried the club last season, losing the league title to Chelsea by just one point after scoring nearly thirty goals.
But now, it has emerged that he wants to quit United, unable to handle the pressure of the tabloids and igniting a row with Alex Ferguson over a 'ghost' ankle injury. The striker had been left out of United's games against Valencia and Everton because he was injured, according to Ferguson. However it has been discovered that his manager was lying about the injury; in actual fact he was worried about Rooney's state of mind and ability to hold it together.
So there it is.
Rooney has had enough of being vilified by the press and his form has been affected as a result, despite the fact that his wife Coleen has decided to forgive him and stay with him for the sake of their child. So the only way to get that form back is to leave Old Trafford and head for the likes of Spain. I'm pretty sure Real Madrid would love to have him. And he needs to leave, for the sake of his career. He is only 24 years old and has a lot to offer football.
But perhaps England isn't the right place to play. Strong-minded players such as John Terry and Ashley Cole have stayed in England and taken the flak like a man. But you, poor Roo, clearly aren't one.

Peter Jackson confirmed to direct the Hobbit

2010-10-17T09:55:00.008+01:00

Lord of the Rings maestro to direct the two films

The news Tolkien fans the world over wanted to hear: Peter Jackson has signed a deal to direct the Hobbit films, due to start shooting in February.
According to the New York Times and various other sources, casting will soon be announced too, so we'll finally find out who will play the star role of Bilbo Baggins. Rumour has it that Office star Martin Freeman might still get the part, despite his committment to BBC's Sherlock Holmes.
But as good as the news is that Jackson is helming the Hobbit-and lets face it, there is no-one better qualified- there are still a few issues to be resolved, namely the shooting location as a result of the acting unions' dispute.
Shooting was to take place in New Zealand, but because of the union wrangling the Hobbit may be filmed in Eastern Europe instead.
Either way, its a relief to hear that Peter Jackson is looking after J.R.R Tolkien's work, and you can bet the Hobbit will be in 3D too.
Why it needs to be in two films is unclear, since it's a relatively short book compared to the behemoth that was Lord of the Rings, but I believe ~~they just want to squeeze as much money as possible out of the public~~ Peter Jackson knows what he's doing.

No Matt Damon for next Bourne film

2010-10-12T07:00:00.002+01:00

The Bourne Legacy will not feature Matt Damon as Jason Bourne...or have the character Bourne in at all...wait what?

Tony Gilroy, who is directing the fourth Bourne film, has said the film won't feature Matt Damon as the superspy.
That's not because they're re-casting the part, its just that Jason Bourne doesn't appear at all.
Gilroy said: "No one's replacing Matt Damon. There will be a whole new hero.
"The world we're making enhances and advances and invites Jason Bourne's reappearance somewhere down the road..."
Right. So in other words they couldn't get Damon back because Paul Greengrass wasn't returning to direct. Its like a James Bond film with Felix Leiter as the star and Bond nowhere to be seen.
Nonsensical, but it seems Gilroy is out to make a standalone thriller, albeit still using the 'Bourne' monicer.
There's no doubt The Bourne Ultimatum wrapped up Bourne's story nicely, but this seems a tad ridiculous. Have Hollywood, much like the titular hero, been afflicted with amnesia and forgotton what audiences want?
Clearly.

Technology that ends up owning you

2010-10-12T07:00:00.001+01:00

Tyler Durden's memorable Fight Club line couldn't be truer

Take a look around you. Chances are you're at work surrounded by a bank of computers, or at home stalking people on facebook, or even stalking people whilst being at work, if your employer hasn't already put a block on the ubiquitous social networking site.
But what was once a sporadic pastime has turned into a regular activity for a lot of people, who can't stand to be unplugged from the world wide web. The ability to check Twitter and Facebook on the go via your mobile has turned those awkward moments when you arrive too early at the pub to meet your mates, into an enjoyable ten minutes or so as you trawl through your news feed and sip on that pint/wine.
Taking it even further, some people have the audacity to check facebook whilst on a night out, their attention slowly drifting to their phone as the quality of your conversation plummets. They couldn't be more anti-social.
I even know of someone-who will remain unnamed-who cut short a delightful lunch-and-drinks meeting because their phone was out of battery and they had to go home to recharge it- all because they wouldn't be able to receive texts of no importance and peer at that news feed.
Unfortunately i was not present at that meeting but i wish i was so i could tell that person to take a good, hard look at themselves to see what they have become. When did we become so lifeless?
On the other side of the coin, there are our possessions. I confess to owning quite a few electronics, but then again, who doesn't. Whilst i'm not so unimaginiative as to have fallen in with the iPhone, or heaven forbid the ipad-wielding crowd, i do have a pretty nifty Dell laptop, complete with Windows 7, webcam and i3 processor. Then there's my iPod (one of the only apple products i will EVER own) which i never leave the house without. I recently purchased a 26 inch HD tv so i could play my Xbox 360 in glorious high definition. But even these rudimentary (necessary?) possessions shape my weekend entirely. I refer to Fight Club here, in particular to Brad Pitt's line: "The things you own end up owning you," ; a truism that relates to many of us (including me) i'm sure.

If i'm not down the pub with my fellow alcoholics, leering at women and shotting tequilla, i'm stuck in a 'technology cycle' : mindlessly going from one bit of hardware to another. Bored? Switch on my Xbox and bash out a couple of hours on FIFA 11. Sick of football? Wack in a different game. Bored of games? Hmmm i haven't checked Facebook in a couple of hours, maybe ****** has finally broken up with ******. Damn it, they're still together, i'll check back later. Then its time for Eastenders. Then Inbetweeners. Or shove True Blood into the DVD player and watch Anna Paquin get bitten and fucked by vampires for a few hours. Then back to facebook...
Its soul-destroying.
And i'm trying my best to get out of the cycle. But as every smoker knows, quitting or cutting down requires willpower. Its disgusting really, when you look back and remember what you did with your time before the internet dangled its megabits in your face. I used to read, a lot. Now my bookcase is literally gathering dust. And when i wasn't reading i was riding my bike with my now equally jaded friend through the forests of Surrey. That seems like another lifetime ago now.
Now i can't actually put into words exactly what i'm trying to say, so i'll let Tyler Durden finish this rant off for me. Lazy journalism, i know, but i blame technology for my lack of imagination and individuality.
"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."

Sayers' Monday morning pick-me-up

2010-10-04T08:00:00.000+01:00

That's right, its Monday again. Up at the crack of dawn for that awful commute/drive into London, Birmingham, Manchester, or the relevant town or city where you work. The thrills and spills of the weekend are but a distant memory.
Remember how happy you felt at around 5pm on Friday, knowing your weekend was about to start? No, you don't remember- the binge drinking you indulged in over the past couple of days has erased that feeling from your mind. But worry not, that Friday Feeling will return in approximately 120 hours time...every week...for the next 40 years or so.
Anyway, enough doom and gloom, here are ten things to perk you up this Monday morn....

Health warning: You are more likely to feel worse after reading this than actually feeling better.

That dickhead

You know who I mean. That absolute cocknob in the office who you hate on general principle. You may not have spoken to him/her, or know anything about them, but the fact is simple: what. A. Cunt. And you can feel better about yourself knowing that you're better than them. Much like a wizard is superior to a house-elf, or the way David Miliband is better than Ed.

Its Christmas soon

Tis the season to be jolly.
To be honest this is probably more of a depressing thing really i.e.where the fuck has the year gone? How is it mid-autumn already and why have they already started rolling out the Christmas ads?
BUT, the main thing to remember is Christmas is a great excuse to eat and drink a ludicrous amount, attend office parties (at your peril) and take days off work feigning 'flu' and the such like.

Potty for Potter

The Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows film is released in 46 days time. Lots of people won't care, but even more people (me included) will be feeling giddy with excitement. The trailer looks shagadelic, and so does Emma Watson *licks lips*.

Tube strikes

Yep, those bastards at RMT have gone on strike again today, over proposed cuts to 800 ticket office jobs. Take solace in the fact that they'll all be unemployed by Christmas, mark my words. I know someone high up in the ConDemn coalition, you see.

Inbetweeners episode 4

Its a scientific fact that if you don't watch the Inbetweeners you are a bumder.
A new episode is on tonight! Simon and his new girlfriend Tara go on a romantic trip away to Warwick- with Jay, Will and Neil of course. Will wants a look at the University, Jay so he can give Simon his 'expert' sex advice, and Neil, because he has nothing better to do.
A reason for living, if i've ever heard of one.

The sordid lives of the rich and famous

The News of the World has promised to reveal even more sordid details about the disgraced former England captain John Terry. Apparently allegedly tapping Vanessa Peroncell wasn't the only thing he was up to. For those people who hate Chelsea and John Terry, you'll have even more reason to despise the poor bloke.
Myleene Klass claims she was approached by a married A-list Hollywood star for a 'sex-contract', but she refuses to reveal who it is. Boo! Show a bit of class Myleene and spill! (See what i did there?).

'Private browsing'

Regrettably, browsing pornography is frowned apon at work, even during your lunch break. Worry not, when you get home you'll be able to drown yourself in the stuff, even if Google Instant filters the naughty search words. These include 'porn' 'violence' 'gay' 'lesbian'. You can get around this by actually hitting ENTER and not via instant though. OR, remember you're not a teenager anymore and you've grown out of looking at such filth...right?

Life does not always suck

If you're one of those people who is 'in a bad place' right now, man up for f**k sake. There will always be someone worse off than you (see That dickhead).
Though this probably doesn't apply to the gay university student who committed suicide after footage of him having sex with his male companion was filmed and plastered all over the internet by his hate-filled roommate.
Can't imagine anything worse.

Let's all laugh at Sayers

Are you working on a temporary contract? Only a few months left until you're back at the local job centre signing on with the rest of the working class? Fear not. The law of probability says you'll eventually get that dream job of yours, or at least a permanent one anyway.
Using myself as a prime example; it took me eight attempts to pass my driving test. I won't lie to you- after the fifth failed attempt i contemplated throwing myself in front of the tube (though RMT probably would have been striking that day). But I persisted, and passed in November 2008. I guess never give up is the lesson here. Or never get into a car if I'm at the wheel.

And tomorrow is...

...Tuesday. Only 96 hours to go till Friday rolls round :D Baby steps.

Thank me later, and tune in next week.

Sayers

Nyqvist has a Mission Impossible

2010-09-27T13:05:00.007+01:00

Dragon tattoo actor set to play villain opposite Cruise in MI:4

Dragon tattoo star Michael Nyqvist will play the villain in Mission Impossible 4, it has been confirmed.
Nyqvist, who played Millennium journalist and promiscous lover Mikael Blomkvist in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl who played with Fire and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, will join Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner, Simon Pegg and Ving Rhames in MI:4, which is due for release in December 2011.
Noomi Rapace, who played the feisty Lisbeth Salander, has already been snapped-up by Hollywood for Sherlock Holmes 2, so it was inevitable that Nyqvist would follow.
Mission Impossible 4 is being directed by Brad Bird, and will be produced by JJ Abrams, who helmed the very entertaining MI:3.

Smallville's final season takes flight

2010-09-24T16:12:00.013+01:00

Ten years in the making, Smallville told the story of a young Clark Kent before he became Superman

Tonight on the CW channel in America, premiers the final season of Smallville. Tom Welling, who has starred as Clark Kent since the age of 23 (he's now pushing 34), will finally don the Suit this season, after ten years of build-up.
In the show's terrific pilot episode, we see Clark come to earth in his spaceship in a hail of meteors which scattered themselves all over the sleepy hick town of Smallville, Kansas. He was discovered by a Jonathan and Martha Kent, and adopted.
12 years later Clark started high school but struggled coming to terms with his developing abilities, such as X-ray vision and heat vision. At the same time he tried to win the affection of girl-next-door Lana Lang, all the while not knowing why he was sent to earth or where he came from.
As the series continued, Clark discovered his home world of Krypton was destroyed and he was sent to earth to conquer. Later the series delved even deeper into the Superman mythos, introducing a whole host of DC universe characters, such as the Flash, Supergirl, Aquaman, Green Arrow and the Black Canary.

Most importantly though, was Clark's relationship with Lex Luthor. Smallville depicts them as best friends after Clark saved Lex's life in the pilot episode. But Clark never really trusted Lex, and never revealed his powers despite Lex's prying and pressing Clark for an explanation to all the strange things that kept happening to him. Michael Rosenbaum, the actor who played Lex left at the end of season 7, and the producers will no doubt be doing everything to get him back for at least one episode in the final season.
Season 9 kicked things up a notch, with Clark wearing a black neo-esque outfit emblazoned with the superman \s/ on his chest. It was no doubt a step-up from the red and blue jacket and t-shirt combo he wore from seasons 2-8, but not what everyone wanted to see- the iconic red and blue suit complete with cape.

In the final episode of season 9 however, we were teased the Suit, and it looks like we will finally see him wear it at last in season 10, even if its just in the final episode.
Advance reviews of the season 10 premiere 'Lazarus' have been promising. One thing's for sure, it will be a sad day when Smallville leaves our screens after what seems like a lifetime of amazing episodes.
Up up and away Clark...

New Deathly Hallows images revealed

2010-09-22T08:41:00.013+01:00

Warning: Spoilers follow

As November 19 grows ever closer, Warner Brothers are pumping the PR wagon full of tit-bits to whet the appetites of Potter fans everywhere, with some new images and a trailer-which will be released tomorrow.
But for now new images have been revealed from Part 1 of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
The first shows Harry standing on a road lined with barley.

The next is a picture of Hermione, looking ridiculously beautiful, contrary to her description in the books as having bushy hair and rather large front teeth, which she admittedly shrunk later on. The image shows her standing in the woods, presumably at the time where the trio are seeking refuge after breaking into the Ministry of Magic.

The third is of Ron Weasley standing outside the Burrow looking thoughtful. You can just about make out Mrs Weasley and Ginny in the background.

Things get a bit more sinister from here. The next image is from inside the Ministry of Magic where we see a muggle-born being rounded up by some Death Eaters. The death eater on the right is possibly Scabior.

The next picture is a crane shot of Scrimgeour, Professor Umbridge (dressed in lurid pink) and some other Ministry heavies addressing a crowd of people. In the foreground, we see a plaque with the Ministry's new motto: 'Magic is Might'.

This rather amusing picture shows seven Harry Potters. Its after Harry's friends take polyjuice potion to become his doppelganger in order to protect him before he and the rest of the Order of the Phoenix leave no.4 Privet Drive...hopefully without Voldemort noticing.

And finally, a picture of Harry conjuring a patronus in a lift, possibly in the Ministry of Magic.

Most of these pictures are probably screen-grabs from the trailer, but its still nice to see some new images. The trailer is released at 9pm tonight Eastern Standard time in America, So for all us Brits it will be on the web by early morning.
Deathly Hallows: Part 1 is released in the UK and North America on Novermber 19, and Part 2 is out in July.

Eminem and Lady Gaga sweep the VMAs

2010-09-13T10:26:00.009+01:00

Eminem claimed two trophies whilst Ga Ga swept eight at the MTV Video Music Awards

Lady Gaga and Eminem claimed the most awards at the MTV VMAs in Los Angeles.
Eminem opened the show with an incredible performance of his single Not Afraid, followed by Love the Way you Lie with Rihanna dressed in a white dress and sporting red hair.
Eminem walked away with Best Male Video and Best Hip-Hop video, but it was Lady Gaga who wowed the LA audience by taking eight awards: Best Collaboration, Female Video, Pop Video, Dance Music Video, Choreography, Direction, Editing and Video of the Year.

The batty singer wore three outfits, in a flowing regal grown, black leather dress, and finally her controversial meat dress that she wore recently for the cover of Japan's men's vogue.
Throughout the show it looked as if Gaga and Eminem were trying to out-diva each other.
Gaga demanded the red carpet be changed to a white one, as part of her Like a Virgin Theme.
And the Detroit rapper demanded six go-karts to get him to the stage, as his minders were chasing after him in what was said to be "quite a sight" to watch.

FIFA 11 preview

2010-09-12T13:36:00.005+01:00

A quick look over its new features ahead of the October 1 release

After the commercial success of FIFA 10, developers EA Sports are certain to have another hit on their hands when FIFA 11 comes out on next month on Playstation 3 and Xbox 360.
In a market that was once dominated by Pro Evolution Soccer, FIFA tinkered with their own formula and left Pro Evo for dead with the immensely successful FIFA 08, 09 and FIFA 10.
But now with FIFA being most people's favourite football sim, the stakes are high for them to deliver an even better game this time round.
Looking at FIFA 11 so far, things look good.
The ping-pong passing system has been completely overhauled. The Pro Passing system means the gamer's own accuracy with the control pad and the skills of the players on the pitch determines the accuracy of the pass.
Manger mode and Be a Pro modes have been done away with, now merged into Career Mode where the player can choose to be a player, player-manager or manager for 15 seasons.
Goalkeeper AI has been improved too. They have more urgency and better perception, and are more agile. Even more impressive however, is the ability to play as the goalkeeper, though it will be interesting to see how boring this could possibly be.

Goal celebrations now use the in-game camera rather than a separate cutscene. Teammates too can join in celebrations.
There's nothing better for a football team than hearing the support from their legions of fans in the stands. FIFA 11 have now added the ability to customize crowd chants. You can set yor own club's anthems and chants to play during introductions, half time or even after goals. Its a nice addition, though some may say its scraping the barrel a bit, but there is only so much you can add to a football sim after so many different incarnations of what is essentially another football game.
FIFA Theatre allows the player to save highlights from any match, including replays to their hard drive.
FIFA 11 reinvents player authenticity on and off the ball for every player and at every position on the pitch with Personality+, an all-new feature that sees individual abilities reflected in game, enabling clear differentiation for every player. So we'll see Lampard's scuttle, Tevez's bulldog-like approach and Heskey's touch of a rapist.
Player models have improved of course, with their digital counterparts looking more like their true selves than ever.
All in all FIFA 11 looks promising. With a whole host of improvements, better game engine and seemingly endless customization options, autumn is looking like its going to be a great month.
But i'm betting FIFA regret sponsoring Rooney now after the recent revelations about his sordid off-the-pitch activities...

Scott Pilgrim vs The World: review

2010-08-30T08:08:00.019+01:00

A game geek's wet dream

You won't see anything else like it this year, or until Hollywood tries to replicate this film x100 and fails miserably.
There is only one director who springs to mind when it comes to parody and pastiche-Edgar Wright, creator and director of cult TV show Spaced- and comedies Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz.
And who else to play the role of Scott Pilgrim, the quirky and aloof game geek perfectly played by Michael Cera?
Pilgrim is besotted with new girl on the block Ramona Flowers, but before he can date her she informs him he has to defeat her seven evil exes.
Those of us who were born in the 1980s, who grew up playing the SNES, Nintendo 64 and wore our thumbs out on Game Boys will lap up this film thanks to the numerous references to gaming. You'll hear all sorts of 8-bit sound effects from games such as Super Mario and the Legend of Zelda series-yes we are in game territory here, a wonder land all boys sink into and have their hopes and ambitions erased from their minds.
Scott Pilgrim's incredulity at learning he has to engage in seven battles to the death with the exes of Ramona Flowers provokes some hilarious one liners from Cera matched with his endearing sweet-guy- mojo. He is panicky and self conscious (look out for his constant worries about his hair) and manages to surprise in a more physical role.

Its a big departure to see him engaged in lightning fast expertly choreographed battles to the death accompanied with arcade game animations. Cera pulls it all off with aplomb and further cements himself as the ~~Canadian~~ everyman.
The supporting cast is impressive too. Kieran Culkin (yes, Home Alone's bed- wetter Fuller and Macaulay's younger brother) steals nearly every scene he is in as Scott's gay roommate and Twilight's Anna Kendrick adds on-screen gravitas as Scott's sister.
There's also a hilarious turn from Superman himself Brandon Routh as one of Ramona's vegan exes. Mary Elizabeth Winstead is a good choice as Ramona, despite her ill-fitting wig that sits on top of her head about as comfortably as a pancake.
The first half of the film fares a lot better than the second, which suffers pacing issues as we approach the final fight between Scott and Gideon (Jason Schwartzman). Which is a shame because the bottom line is that Scott Pilgrim vs The World is an immensely enjoyable mix of comedy and epilepsy-inducing flaming lightsaber and kung-fu fights.
It hasn't fared well at the box office though, despite positive reviews from critics across the world. This probably stems from a narrow target audience; there's little for women here, but those rare female gamers will of course find it as exhilarating as the male.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆9/10

Salt review

2010-08-24T20:27:00.009+01:00

Jason Bourne has a sex change

Aside from the bonkers plot, Salt is a competent thriller-though it needs a little seasoning.
Angelina Jolie plays Evelyn Salt- a role that was meant for Tom Cruise, who turned it down citing similarities to his Mission Impossible schtick-cue gender change- Edwin is changed to Evelyn and Jolie steps up to the plate and turns in a terrific performance.
Evelyn Salt is a CIA agent accused of being a Russian sleeper spy a Russian defector. After an implausible but deleriously entertaining escape from the CIA building, Salt is on the run, desperate to rescue her kidnapped husband(Inglourious Basterd's August Diehl) and clear her name.
Things zips along at a frantic pace from here on in, as Salt leaps from car to truck to van to motorbike, an array of stunts all performed by Jolie herself. She excels in this film, comfortably embodying the traits of the seemingly invincible all-action hero, a female Jason Bourne if you will-but is she a hero?
There are more twists and turns in this film than a u-bend. At first the film seems pretty straight forward- a flimsy yet basic plot used as a good excuse for a run-of-the-mill action flick.
But the tide turns, and soon it is revealed that things aren't as they seem. There's more going on here, and if the film started to lose the attention of the select few around the first quarter, everyones full attention is suddenly focused fully on the events that unfold.

The supporting cast's performances are pretty surplus to requirements. We have Liev Shreiber (Wolverine:Origins,The Omen) playing Salt's increasingly exasperated boss Ted Winter, who has nothing much to do but look amazed at Salt's ingenuity as she escapes the authorities time and time again. And then there's Peabody, another CIA agent played by Chiwetel Ejiofor, (2012, Children of Men) intent on cutting her down.
But Salt is all Jolie. Any less talented actress would struggle with the material. Evelyn Salt is a complex role to play-without revealing any spoilers-and Mrs Pitt is note-perfect in her delivery. Director Philip Noyce clearly got the best performance possible out of her- a far cry from her phone-it-in performance as Lara Croft.
But at just 95 minutes long there's definitely a bit of sodium chloride missing. Perhaps there's a load of deleted material on the cutting-room floor somewhere. Either way, there needs to be more substance in the inevitable sequel. That's right, the ending leaaves things wide open, which what makes watching it a frustrating experience. Despite the twists inherent in the plot there is really not enough to keep people coming back for more, something the Bourne films did so well.
Overall its a solid, if outlandish thriller, with enough action in it to hold interest for the most part. But its merits can only be fully judged when we see how things are wrapped up in the sequel, which needs to be better.
If not i'll take a teqilla and lime with a pinch of Salt, please.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆7/10